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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner turned off (My) wifi and upset my Son - AIBU

543 replies

candragonsbepurple · 21/03/2024 20:58

My partner is childless. I have two children (A son who is eleven and a daughter who is seven)

My ex husband moved to take care of his Dad six months ago but before that we had been divorced two years. Exes Dad has cancer and he's alone (Ex is an only child and his Mum died way before I met him) I'd have moved myself and my children to be nearer to ex so they could see each other but Ex was completely adamant they stay where they are for school and their friends.

One of the ways my children communicate with their Dad is through video games. I dont know how it works but they talk to each other while they play. They do this every sunday for a few hours before tea time. Sunday just gone my son wasn't well but really wanted to play games with his dad. I said that was okay and I'd save him some dinner (I made him some eggs and soldiers)

My partner cut the wifi when my son didn't come to the table. His reasoning was my son was being disobedient but I'd told him three times that DS wasn't feeling a hundred percent and I don't force my kids to eat big meals when they are unwell. My son was understandably distraught thinking his Dad had ended the game without saying goodbye and my partner kicked off.

He started ranting and raving how under HIS roof my son should have more respect. I reminded partner that we live in 2024, not 1924 and the house I owned was mine that my Mother left to me.

I ended up kicking my partner out - He went home in a huff and now I'm being put in the middle by partner's Mum saying that I should teach my children respect.

AIBU in thinking it's not my partner's place to parent my children - he's not a live-in boyfriend, we've been together ten months and that his Mum should keep her nose out

OP posts:
SpiritOfEcstasy · 23/03/2024 19:12

He sounds a bit nuts and out of touch! I understand your situation as I too am divorced from my DCs father and have remarried. I put really clear boundaries in place before they ever even met their now stepfather. He’s not their parent. He understands that and always defers to me. He supports me by listening, making suggestions and allowing me to parent my DCs. We also do not live together. Put your children first OP and protect them from idiots like this!

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/03/2024 19:21

Pupinskipops · 23/03/2024 17:52

Doesn't matter. Either way, he's got to go...

Show quote history

Couldn't agree more....just wondering why he thought it was ok in the first place, why his mother and him thought it was ok her to stick in her two penneth and why it had the op questioning herself

Lyraloo · 23/03/2024 19:25

Please get rid of this mummy’s boy. He will ruin your life in the long run and either cause you to lose your children into the care system or finish up with them going to live with their dad and never speaking to you again. He clearly is a controlling illy, if he’s behaving like this before you even live together, imagine how he will be when you do! Protect yourself but especially your children.

savethatkitty · 23/03/2024 19:27

He should be your ex partner! Do not let him treat your children this way. Ditch him ASAP.

JayJayj · 23/03/2024 19:31

you should tell partners mum that she should listen to her own advice and should have taught her son how to show respect.

I can’t see the relationship lasting. He will keep doing things like this.

Rachand23 · 23/03/2024 19:31

He’s showing his true colours (so is his mother). Run a million miles away from him! If you don’t take heed next he will be hitting your kids and probably you too.

JoBrandsCleaner · 23/03/2024 19:32

Please put your children first and get rid of this idiot.

arghhelpme · 23/03/2024 19:36

Please don't let him back.
Been in the same sort of situation and I didn't end things when I should have and ended up having children with him too so even more harder to just leave or kick out.
This won't be a one off and will only escalate.

Shesellsseashellsunluckyshespoor · 23/03/2024 19:39

He’s shown you his true colours - now you have to believe him

He doesn’t respect your role as parent of YOUR child or infact seem to respect you full stop, If I was in your shoes I’d be ending the relationship tbh as if you let this go now things will end up much worse

AllyArty · 23/03/2024 19:46

You are well rid.

OhcantthInkofaname · 23/03/2024 20:01

Did you say ex-partner, right? After 10 months I'd damn well end this.

pineapplecrushed · 23/03/2024 20:03

do NOT let him back in your house.

ScrumpleDumplin · 23/03/2024 20:07

Imagine what would happen if he gets his feet under the table for good and then decides you disrespect him!
I bet after the three years of legal cohabitation he wouldn’t think twice about kicking you out of “his” house if you disrespected him!

He’s already proven he wouldn’t call it “ours” let alone “yours”!

I’m going to play devils advocate big time here and say the chances of you loosing yourself (your and your kid’s relationship with their father and potentially all friends and self worth), and ultimately your home to a controlling relationship stand pretty high risk with this dipstick in my view.
He sounds very dangerous (and I mean dangerous) already from one incident based purely on his behaviour in that moment from your description.

Ultimately love is actions not words, doesn’t sound very loving behaviour, if he wants your children to respect you he should show them how by role-modelling this himself.

You deserve love and the time it takes to find that. Most importantly strengthen your support group, if you need any more proof this guys a wrong-en, then you could (for one month unbeknownst to him) make sure he only comes round coinciding with various friends visits instigated by you and see if he starts planting seeds of doubt in your mind about those friends. Have fun with it, mix it up, straight after they leave talk positively about how great each friend is and their beautiful traits, then sit back and see if he responds positively or negatively about “how you feel” for them.

Make sure he doesn’t disrespect you, your parenting and your right to be an individual with your own life, friends, finances, home and support group.

If he’s a good person you won’t have lost anything and hopefully will have helped him create a warm and a supporting atmosphere for your friends to feel welcome in when he’s around.

But very importantly-
If you’re not ready to make a quick, clean getaway (which for me I must say the warning signs support running a mile!) then maybe you could try hitting the “reset” button a little on your relationship…
I suspect he might visibly bulk at the idea of a reset at a point where he thinks he has the keys to your kingdom and children,
could be go back to “best behaviour” and only ever bring out the best in you - if he thinks he controls your kingdom already?

Good luck, and please don’t give him power over your children. You are the only mother they will ever have, god forbid you let someone controlling disrupt that.

laylababe5 · 23/03/2024 20:09

The cheek. He has no right whatsoever to parent your children. He is showing you his true colours here. Cut him loose now before it's too late.

gamerchick · 23/03/2024 20:11

This reply has been deleted

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Morganrae1 · 23/03/2024 20:11

He sounds like a knob. Get rid of him, if is mother interferes now it will only get worsse. He has no right to discipline your children.

ftp · 23/03/2024 20:18

Just saying........
If he is your partner and not just your boyfriend, then he should have SOME say in the house rules. If you are going to disagree with him, best not in front of the children - they will pick up and play on it.

But you do need, (if it is not over that is, and for any future relationships) about how respect works both ways, but that his voice does have to be listened to.
He may well have been brought up that mealtimes are family times, and he was a little jealous that DS chose to talk to your EX rather than being part of the family meal?
Did you communicate that you were allowing bending of the rules and why? If not, it would seem that DS was being disrespectful to you, which may have prompted his action? (Not sure that being unwell means playing more games?)

Seems like you were not really into letting him in to your family - MY wifi?

SheepAndSword · 23/03/2024 20:32

Really don't think OP is coming back.

stevec711 · 23/03/2024 20:37

You really want to reconsider a future with this man. He not only is trying to dominate your space, he has to run home to his mother.

CameltoeParkerBowles · 23/03/2024 20:43

candragonsbepurple · 21/03/2024 20:58

My partner is childless. I have two children (A son who is eleven and a daughter who is seven)

My ex husband moved to take care of his Dad six months ago but before that we had been divorced two years. Exes Dad has cancer and he's alone (Ex is an only child and his Mum died way before I met him) I'd have moved myself and my children to be nearer to ex so they could see each other but Ex was completely adamant they stay where they are for school and their friends.

One of the ways my children communicate with their Dad is through video games. I dont know how it works but they talk to each other while they play. They do this every sunday for a few hours before tea time. Sunday just gone my son wasn't well but really wanted to play games with his dad. I said that was okay and I'd save him some dinner (I made him some eggs and soldiers)

My partner cut the wifi when my son didn't come to the table. His reasoning was my son was being disobedient but I'd told him three times that DS wasn't feeling a hundred percent and I don't force my kids to eat big meals when they are unwell. My son was understandably distraught thinking his Dad had ended the game without saying goodbye and my partner kicked off.

He started ranting and raving how under HIS roof my son should have more respect. I reminded partner that we live in 2024, not 1924 and the house I owned was mine that my Mother left to me.

I ended up kicking my partner out - He went home in a huff and now I'm being put in the middle by partner's Mum saying that I should teach my children respect.

AIBU in thinking it's not my partner's place to parent my children - he's not a live-in boyfriend, we've been together ten months and that his Mum should keep her nose out

Hmm... despite pretty much universal support for you (and complete disdain for the - we hope - ex-boyfriend and his crazy mother), you can't be arsed to acknowledge any of it, and have apparently disappeared. Why?

Timebomb1 · 23/03/2024 20:51

How insulting to question your parenting skills and get his Mum involved! Perhaps his Mum needs to teach him some respect! Bloody cheek.. seriously though, this behaviour, this will only get worse. He won't be good for your children or you.

Havinganamechange · 23/03/2024 20:55

I’m sorry OP but you need to get rid. How dare he treat your child this way and remove his way of contacting his dad. And then speaking to him like that. Who does your BF think he is. Honestly if he behaves that way with your kids in your house then he needs your boot up his arse out the door. Honestly you don’t need that, sounds like a mummy’s boy who doesn’t feel like the big man unless he is bullying. Been there and got rid, best decision I ever made.

And as for respect, your BF and his mum need to learn some.

MumTeacherofMany · 23/03/2024 21:05

Sorry OP that sounds quite controlling

opentoadvice88 · 23/03/2024 21:25

You’re only unreasonable if you allow him to attempt to parent your children again.

I would be getting rid ASAP.

SheepAndSword · 23/03/2024 21:35

It's like an echo chamber in here, people are saying the same thing again and again and again and OP isn't coming back.

OP made ONE post.