Partner turned off (My) wifi and upset my Son - AIBU

[candragonsbepurple]

My partner is childless. I have two children (A son who is eleven and a daughter who is seven)

My ex husband moved to take care of his Dad six months ago but before that we had been divorced two years. Exes Dad has cancer and he's alone (Ex is an only child and his Mum died way before I met him) I'd have moved myself and my children to be nearer to ex so they could see each other but Ex was completely adamant they stay where they are for school and their friends.

One of the ways my children communicate with their Dad is through video games. I dont know how it works but they talk to each other while they play. They do this every sunday for a few hours before tea time. Sunday just gone my son wasn't well but really wanted to play games with his dad. I said that was okay and I'd save him some dinner (I made him some eggs and soldiers)

My partner cut the wifi when my son didn't come to the table. His reasoning was my son was being disobedient but I'd told him three times that DS wasn't feeling a hundred percent and I don't force my kids to eat big meals when they are unwell. My son was understandably distraught thinking his Dad had ended the game without saying goodbye and my partner kicked off.

He started ranting and raving how under HIS roof my son should have more respect. I reminded partner that we live in 2024, not 1924 and the house I owned was mine that my Mother left to me.

I ended up kicking my partner out - He went home in a huff and now I'm being put in the middle by partner's Mum saying that I should teach my children respect.

AIBU in thinking it's not my partner's place to parent my children - he's not a live-in boyfriend, we've been together ten months and that his Mum should keep her nose out

I think you are to be congratulated fro getting rid of him so quickly and decisively. Often people struggle on hoping that they can somehow change their partners. He obviously doesn't really care about your children. And respect goes both ways! Don't take him back and it really isn't his mother's business

Get rid. Partners are replaceable, our children aren't

Well, what a catch he is!

• Controlling the WiFi
• Controlling when you all eat
• Controlling when your son gets/doesn't get to speak with his dad
• Controlling how you should parent
• Controlling whose house he deems it to be
• Controlling tantrums when you dare to argue back and getting mummy to send stroppy texts on his behalf

God, he's absolutely pa-thet-ic

And this is all just in the space of 10 mths. Yuck 🤢

Get rid of the partner. Immediately. (And with him his busybody mother).

Sounds like you've got a rare responsible, grown-up relationship with your kids' father in the best interest of your kids. How dare your new partner interfere and start laying down the law. He's got to go!

Doesn't matter. Either way, he's got to go...

Good on you for standing your ground in your own home.

I do wonder, if you were willing to move to be nearer the Ex Husband for the sake of the kids, why you two aren’t still together. Not that you need to disclose this, it just makes me wonder that’s all. It’s nice that you can have a good relationship with your Ex.

This is his attempt at controlling you in your own home.

End the relationship.

YANBU

You know best, doing a great job and he’s a clueless knob. His Mum’s obviously giving advice cos she’s done such a great job with her hapless son. Does she really think this input is going to help her son? She should mind her own business.

Holy shit get rid of him.

Single parent here. This is absolutely not acceptable. Disciplining the children should be done by you, he should stay out of it. He needs to apologize and try to understand this is no recipe for a good relationship with your children.

i’d do the same for mine, just means you are putting children first..

I reckon your partner & his mother should get fucked. 10 month isn’t long at all for him to feel like he can have his say in your children & certainly no place for his mother to be saying anything at all. X

you definitely did the right thing there. What a darned cheek of his mother to get her oar in too. You are certainly well rid of that control freak.

"I'm being put in the middle by partner's Mum saying that I should teach my children respect."

Tell her: right back atcha.

You are better off without him. Dump people who are bad news. Interfering in your parenting is bad news and so is being an adult mummy's boy

I had a couple of partners like this when my children were younger (all three late 20s/early 30s now) and because I was an absolute idiot (issues including adoption/people pleasing/no confidence etc) I let them stay in my life far too long and, although my children assure me that they haven’t been damaged at all, I feel incredible guilt that I didn’t get rid of these people sooner. Now that I’m older and can see reasoning behind many of my behaviours from teens onward I understand myself so much more, but still feel that awful guilt. Well done to OP. You put yourself and your children first.

Just date non-live-in boyfriends. You don't need a boyfriend to move in with your children. And certainly not one who thinks it's okay to shut off the wifi when your child is engaged with dad. It's your house. Your children. Your rules.

YANBU, your partner is an egoistic dick (and living with his mum, really?!) And no, he doesn't have a say in how you parent your children. You seem to have a healthy adult relationship with your children's father, wich is só importent for their future. So please don't give this up because of your new partner.

You absolutely did the right thing kicking your partner out. It’s nothing to do with his mum. Your house, your rules - don’t be persuaded to take him back you’re much better without both of them.

Please don’t have anything else to do with this man. His behaviour is unacceptable and unforgivable and will only get worse.please believe me. Your children must always come first and you did the right thing in asking him to leave. You sound like a lovely caring Mum and you deserve better than this petulant Mummy’s boy.

Who says 'under my roof ' when it's not their roof?! You're absolutely not being unreasonable, well done for standing your ground. This is a massive red flag.

Holy cow! This is so abusive! I'm glad you kicked him out, OP!! "Under my roof" wtf! It's not even his house and you're not even a year in.

....his Mother sounds toxic and vitriolic. It sounds like that movie where the man is attached to the Mother's every word and she tries to take the children from the Mother by making her look insane, and starts poisoning food she takes around.

Walk away, change your locks, get a restraining order if you need to. I would not let him anywhere near my kids!

I hope your son is OK. He must have felt so traumatised. I think I would move closer to their Dad, but their Dad not wanting them to just makes me think he's also a bit sh*tty.... :(. Poor kids, and you.

Total dick

OP, I was in the place of your child. When I was a teenager, my mom married my her husband and she allowed him to parent me. He pitched a fit because I hung pictures of my dad in my room. He and his family told me off for considering myself part of my “maiden name’s” family. He and his family insisted all celebrations and holidays follow their traditions only. They called me disrespectful for even mentioning my dad. I only lived with him and my mom for one year and then moved to the other side of the country.

Over the next three decades, he and his family pitched fits and gave me a hard time for not involving him in my major life decisions. He was offended and hated my DH for not asking his permission to propose to me (I was an adult, living in a home I purchased and fully financially supporting myself). He kicked off at my wedding because my dad, not him, walked me down the aisle. He was upset that my DH and I have never consulted him on our careers, home choices, moves, vehicles, children, parenting, basically how we live our lives. Our children can’t stand him and we no longer have any relationship with him or his awful relatives. We also have an extremely limited relationship with my mom. She doesn’t get to be the grandmother she claims she always wanted to be to our children because she allowed her husband to overstep.

OP, for the sake of your children, break it off with this guy. Block his mom. Never speak to them again. Then get therapy to address why you ever chose him and allowed him around your children. I understand that parenting is hard and you may want a partner to help with parenting. Unfortunately, that isn’t what is best for your children. Focus on coparenting with their dad and keep your children out of any of your dating relationships.