To refuse to go on any holidays this year ?

[Sunnydaysathome]

Every year for the last 6 years we have done 3 breaks a year one abroad in summer , and 2 UK breaks (one coastal and one to see dh family Easter and then may half term)

I hate it. It’s never relaxing. The dc get travel sick, I hate organising and packing etc. I don’t like dh’s family’s dogs and cats. The last 2 years I haven’t been happy about it but dh took over the organising hit when away it’s still the same I don’t feel like I’m having a break it’s just non stop .

I told dh last year that this year I wasn’t going anywhere. I reiterated this multiple times . He’s now annoyed that nothing is booked for Easter.
There are plenty of things dc can do for days out. Or he can take them if he wanted but it’s hard as one has SEN so in reality it needs both of us there.

I told him his family can get an air bnb near us and visit us rather than us driving hours

Surely sometimes people take a year off from holidays ?? I just can’t face it this year.

It sounds as though you're fatigued from all the admin & prep that goes with holidays, plus not actually getting any relaxation time when you're there.
Visiting his family isn't a holiday or a break. It's duty. Especially if you're spending it going from one relative to the next etc etc.
Pull up the drawbridge and say 'no holidays'. If your DH needs one so badly, he can book one and go. On his own.

Yanbu, because these holidays are not enjoyable. I love my holidays but yours are not fun or restful. And going to visit in-laws isn't a holiday.

I'm surprised that as your youngest has additional needs, that DH family haven't made more effort to come to you sometimes. Surely they must realise it all takes more effort.

As for going to them twice a year for a holiday that's too much anyway (IMO anyway). It definitely their turn to come to you

I can't understand why everyone is saying YABU! I think you're right to suggest that DH's family come to you!

What about the summer holiday though? What is stressful about that - maybe instead of cancelling that, you need to look at what could make life easier for you. And I think a weekend away alone is a good idea (sod that your H says that he can't look after your DS alone for one weekend - surely if you can, he could). Maybe the other DC can help him if necessary?

I've also gone away for weekends (city breaks in Europe) with just my older children - it's such a lovely thing to do.

Wow lots of harsh opinions from people saying YABU those people clearly aren't in peri-menopause or have difficult kids.

100% you can have a year off.

Then next year you might feel up to something again- or you might not. But you definitely need to have a break this year in any case.

We had a similar issue earlier this year (I'm hurtling head first into the menopause and finding it really hard). We'd just come back from an all expenses paid trip to center Parcs for us and our 4 DC. Must have cost thousands.
DP said on holiday really surprised 'are you not enjoying this at all?' As I was so stressed and wrung out the whole time.
Then once we were back we were straight into full time work for us both, school for 4 dc, and all the never ending issues of being a step family. I was crying all the time and saying I needed a break- but DP couldn't understand as we'd just been to center Parcs so that had been a break. Arghhh.

The point is I definitely feel your pain, and I'm sure a year off from holidays would do you a world of good.

I haven’t seen anyone mention this yet, but it’s worth considering that at 14, this/next year are probably the last time(s) your eldest is going to want to go away with you all. They may get forced along for another few years if not able to stay home alone but I do think these are the last 2 years they’ll actually enjoy it.

You normally do 3 holiday a year. Scrap one entirely, get family to visit you and go on one. Going from 3 to 0 is entirely unfair on the children, as is them not getting to see their family/their family getting to see them. You still get a week for your garden, family all see each other and kids get a week away on a family holiday.

Why not suggest DH and family take DCs away together for a longer holiday in the summer while you stay at home and recharge? There will be other adults to help with DC6 so not DH on his own.

Instead of visiting family for the whole week with a long drive/car sickness, could you do a city break for a few days and take the train - York/Bath/Edinburgh/Manchester/Liverpool are all brilliant, have loads to do for every age and don't require much in the way of packing (if you forget something it doesn't matter as you're in the city, so older kids/DH can do their own packing) so the whole family, including you, has a fun break

Totally agree, OP. I used to find organising holidays exhausting, the entire thing was. I don't know why I did it now.

It's never what you think it'll be, bar the odd moment of a sundowner on the beach, but I much prefer to stay home now and spend my money - such as I have - on my home & garden.

I’m personally obsessed with going on holiday because I love it, find it fun and relaxing even with my 6 children. However I don’t have any with SEN and if I did I know that would be so much harder. My husband isn’t bothered about going as much as me and he’s said he’s not going on any this year cause he has a lot of work on. So we’ve had a week away already this year and off to Morocco without him next month. If holidays were not fun I wouldn’t bother. I went camping for a couple of years and if I had to do that again I would never go away again, I hated it. If that’s how you feel then no, don’t go. I also wouldn’t even walk to the end of my drive to see my husbands family let alone drive a few hours 😂holidays are ment to be fun, if it’s not fun then change the type of holiday or just do days out like you said. It’s always harder for women cause we seem to do all the packing and unpacking, planning and child care when away while the men relax.

I think for a 3 hrs drive you can see family for a long weekend but cancel the other breaks and have a staycation and spend money on days out /takeaways. 3 hrs isn’t that long a drive…..

I really do find men utterly useless. I wonder why we ever bother with them 😂

I am 48 having a had my last at 40 but my first at 20. I still experienced stress and tiredness as a younger parent and they had no SEN. I actually think I am a better parent now then when I was in my twenties and I still keep up!
What she actually needs is an understanding partner and extended family. Her partner's family need to step up and make the effort to visit, most children with SEN are happier in their own environment. No matter where you go you still have to parent your kids, no parent can fully relax on holiday unless the kids are not with them.

I haven’t seen anyone mention this yet, but it’s worth considering that at 14, this/next year are probably the last time(s) your eldest is going to want to go away with you all. They may get forced along for another few years if not able to stay home alone but I do think these are the last 2 years they’ll actually enjoy it

Hey OP here’s the perfect trip - A guilt trip! Enjoy.

Yanbu I don’t get these people saying you’re unreasonable cuz it’s family why do you always have to go there?? I think them coming to you for one year is a great compromise and you can have a staycation. You should figure out a holiday you all enjoy eventually but rushing something for Easter now would be even worse than a normal year.

Of course Yanbu if you find it so stressful. Its perfectly possible to enjoy a staycation.

We had a talk about it and have agreed this year no holidays - family will come to us. I just need a rest to reset as I feel like I’m approaching some kind of mental burnout I think I just needed to be honest with everyone as they always just assume I’m ok and I smile and nod when I’m not but seems that everybody understood

I am with you, going for holidays is easily exhausting. Especially if its you who do all the work. If relaxing in your own garden is what you want to do, its absolutely fine.

I find it really weird that people who adore holidays and can't imagine a year with out them cannot understand anybody else's viewpoint.

Someone mentioned Stugeron for travel sickness, this really helps as one of mine suffers. Also, if they can sit either in the front seat, or the centre rear seat so they can see out of the front window it helps with the motion sickness.

I think it is time for your DH to set the expectations of his family, that travelling is particularly hard with your youngest, so they need to visit you now.

It’s true though and something that’s worth considering before it’s too late. The OP can consider it and decide they don’t care and that’s fine. It’d be rubbish though if they were surprised in a couple of years when they can face a holiday again and the eldest says thanks but no thanks. My colleague has just faced that and it really upset her. She hadn’t realised their last family holiday really had been their last.

they always just assume I’m ok and I smile and nod when I’m not
Stop doing that!

Do they ever come to you? Or do you go to them yearly?

I remember my mother moaning she hadn’t seen my kids in ages and how I should bring them to visit more, but being greatly offended when I suggested the road went in both directions and she’d been to us twice in 8 years as opposed to my usual 3x a year visits.

I think coming to you is a good compromise.

Could his parents come and stay with you to look after the kids and you and DH could get away for a couple of nights on your own?

I remember overhearing my (now ex!) husband telling someone how relaxing camping holidays were with the children. Yeah, for you maybe. I’ve just done all the same shit as usual but with fewer facilities!!! What a treat for me! I think you need to change your holidays rather than cancel. Maybe shorter, nearer, less self-catering? Or maybe drop one of them.