To dislike men who seek out foreign brides

[Hartley99]

There are quite a few documentaries about this on YouTube. The guy is usually ugly or boring or nerdy (usually all three). He claims to be ‘looking for love,’ when in reality, of course, he’s looking for a sexual partner. So he goes online and searches for girls in poor countries - often Thailand or Russia. In almost every case the girl is younger and/or much more attractive than him.

Recently, there was a documentary on channel 4, and I ended up having an argument with someone at work about it. They thought the whole thing was ‘sweet’ and funny and couldn’t see anything wrong. To them it made sense. The guy got to have sex with a girl out of his league, and the girl got to move to a richer country with more opportunities. To me it just seemed revolting. However you spin it, they are taking advantage of her poverty. They know that she wouldn’t look twice at them in any other circumstance. Apparently, after the invasion of Ukraine there was a massive spike in men looking for Ukrainian brides online. I mean that says it all. Or am I being uptight and judgemental?

I think you lost your voice and point and when you mentioned league.
What is a league?
Where are british men and women in this world league of relationship attraction tables. I think your post is crass.

Sorry.

I think both things can be true?

Using the word may be crass, but it doesn't negate her actual point?

Yes, OP, it is seedy.

I agree, on incel websites there were a lot of men looking to take advantage of Ukrainian women and actively talking in a vile way about how great it was that so much of the population has been displaced and was vulnerable.

I am wary of men who purposely seek out specific ethnicities for dubious reasons - obviously

No your not being judgmental, I know a man who trots of to Thailand twice a year for this very reason... It's exploitive and grim.

Go to Thailand, it’s full of beautiful young Thai women with fat, balding English gammons, although to be fair the only couple we spent time with seemed to genuinely get on and she seemed happy enough.

Lots of women here settle for someone for what they perceive to be a better situation than the one they’ve come from. Maybe these arrangements are mutually beneficial.

Louie theroux done a documentary years ago about Thai bride's...the guys were creepy cockroach style.

My PIL's neighbour did this. They (I believe the bride is from Thailand) are very happy and I think it's been 25 years. So sometimes, it seems to be OK for everyone - if nobody's exploited, everyone knows what's going on and and works for them.

I also think that girls in poorer countries are not thick at all. They are making a free choice that works for them.

Obviously it's a problem if the guy is a stalker/controlling/creepy/abuser type. But being nerdy/not fantastic looking and boring aren't bad things. People with those attributes can make lovely partners.

I worked overseas in an expat environment for years and saw many a boring Colin from Slough who never got much attention from women in his own country being chased up the street by stunning local beauties. Some of these men were so stunned by the attention, they could not think straight and ended up in situations they found it hard to get out of (pregnancies, quick weddings etc). Even though they were warned about this sort of thing (in a helpful, non-controlling way) as part of their induction, it didn’t help when faced with the affections of a beautiful woman.

It’s kind of like a business transaction, if you like. The women get a husband who treats them well and an opportunity for them and any kids to have a different life and the men get a wife and family life they might not have had had they stayed in their own country. I’m not saying there isn’t love and affection but it isn’t the first reason they are together.

Of course I also saw some true love stories but by far the most common were these mutually agreeable arrangements.

I suppose it’s like the ghastly women that travel to West or North African countries.

You lost me at "the guy is usually ugly..."

People cannot choose their looks; it's irrelvant.

It's gross. I know two men who have done this and both are creepy and unpleasant individuals.

One was even in trouble over here for grooming (and running off with) an underage school girl. It was all over the papers at the time.

aa part of a job I used to do I knew a lot of these women. They were extremely happy with the arrangement. Is that not all that matters?

Lots of people in abusive situations say they're happy.

It’s a mutually satisfactory business arrangement. She gets access to money & resources. As his wife, she gets a claim to his assets. Eventually she may be eligible to obtain nationality & a passport of a developed country for herself & her children.

He gets a companion, a housekeeper and a hot willing young body to shag.

Quid pro quo. Everyone’s happy. Nobody is being exploited, so live & let live.

Who am I to judge?

I read this title as men who seek out foreign bridges.

I worked with a girl from Thailand who was in this set up, by the time we'd met she'd been in the UK for 6 years with her 60+ gross husband was miserable as hell but felt she couldn't leave because he'd helped her and her family so much and was a 'nice man' Over time we managed to help her see sense, there was nothing nice at all about separating a girl who was young enough to be his granddaughter. from her family.
Nothing to do with love everything to do with being a creepy little man who cared about nothing other than his sexual wants.
She did divorce him in the end thank god.

I agree this can be creepy when the guy is significantly older and really unattractive in comparison to his lovely nubile bride. Some of them are looking for a sexual partner and an excellent housekeeper. Some of the women are looking for a route out of poverty and a secure, safer life so it can be transactional. That’s not to say it doesn’t suit all parties. Many of the men clearly really love their wives but I don’t doubt some of them ill-treat the women same as some of the women will cynically exploit the men to extract as much money as they can before leaving them.

It’s no different to the way some people have always conducted relationships regardless of ethnicity. You just have to look at some of the old fat businessmen or brutally unattractive sportsmen/politicians etc. who have previous for binning the first wife when she hits 40. End up kiting about with a supermodel lookalike on their arm who would run them over with their Landrover Overfinch In a second if they weren’t loaded. They (the guys) must be deluded.

I mean, just take Harvey Weinstein as an example….. horrid person, deeply unattractive, married to a very attractive looking much younger woman. She was benefitting from his money and prestige and using her connection to him to get her dresses onto the backs of nominees at the bloody Oscars! I find it hard to believe she was unaware of his proclivities before the scandal broke and she scarpered quick smart.

I hate to think of my nephew being perceived as such a man. He met his partner while she was here on a student visa. He is three years older, was a postgrad, and is stereotypically nerdy, but they seem to adore each other.
I think it’s the “shopping for a partner” in particular countries that is upsetting.

Some men can't find a girlfriend and are desperately lonely and maybe want a family . It poverty stricken countries if you don't have money you are basically screwed as they have no NHS or social security system. I think it can go both ways . The guy gets companionship and the woman gets a better life and can send money home to help their family. I know a couple like this , beauty and the beast , they have a child , a nice standard of living and seem very happy together. They met online .

Oh Joy, another one of these threads.
Starts out being critical of western men but always, always ends up being racist towards South East Asian women.
I'll come back in ten pages or so and see if I'm wrong for once.......

Oh, come on. It's quite obvious what she means. League is a short hand way of saying pool of people who'd be likely to be attracted to you all things being equal. There's nothing at all crass about stating the obvious. That young pretty women are not typically part of the dating pool of unattractive aging men prepared to use their financial and social advantage to get them to marry them. You're trying to make this sound like an offensive hierarchy of nationalities when it's perfectly obvious is their relative ages and physical attractiveness that are 'leagues' apart.

Oh yes! The guy from Weston Super Mare ‘landlord said I can have the house long time’

Of course it's not irrelevant. If the guys were young and attractive they wouldn't need to prey on disadvantaged young women would they? They would find a partner of the level of attractiveness they desired in the usual way. Unfortunately for all of us, regardless of sex, our physical attractiveness level places some limitations on who will want a relationship with us. Most people accept that. These entitled individuals use their advantage over these women to circumvent it.

The women often have their own agenda, such as divorce as soon as possible, take what they can then find someone their own age/ size.

Very reasonable to feel like that. However hard I found dating, and I whine periodically about my experience, I could never consider going that route.

The disparity in wealth and opportunities is an awful thing, but activities like that are just another expression of the problems not a solution to them. In my head anyone who does think its okay, even if they haven't done it themselves, goes in the same bin as those who do it as far as I'm concerned