To dislike men who seek out foreign brides

[Hartley99]

There are quite a few documentaries about this on YouTube. The guy is usually ugly or boring or nerdy (usually all three). He claims to be ‘looking for love,’ when in reality, of course, he’s looking for a sexual partner. So he goes online and searches for girls in poor countries - often Thailand or Russia. In almost every case the girl is younger and/or much more attractive than him.

Recently, there was a documentary on channel 4, and I ended up having an argument with someone at work about it. They thought the whole thing was ‘sweet’ and funny and couldn’t see anything wrong. To them it made sense. The guy got to have sex with a girl out of his league, and the girl got to move to a richer country with more opportunities. To me it just seemed revolting. However you spin it, they are taking advantage of her poverty. They know that she wouldn’t look twice at them in any other circumstance. Apparently, after the invasion of Ukraine there was a massive spike in men looking for Ukrainian brides online. I mean that says it all. Or am I being uptight and judgemental?

Yes OP, it's a complete power imbalance where the old icky guy has money and completely take advantage and exploits the desperate woman.

I don't understand why the OP isn't allowed to describe someone as ugly and someone else as 'out of their league'. In the case of some disgusting perverted 60 year old rich bloke who doesn't see the problem with marrying a beautiful 20 year old bride he has basically bought it fits perfectly.

It's disgusting and pretty much prostitution.
Rich men taking advantage of poor women.

Because its upsets some posters on here who can relate a lot more easily to the ugly aging man in the scenario than they can to the attractive young woman I'd say, if I had to call it.

I'm 60 (F) and if a 20 year old man expressed an interest in me I'd think he needed serious therapy (and glasses, urgently)

It's all about sex on one side and money on the other and so transactional. I'm sure there are exceptions, but that is the rule.

I work with a man who has done this twice. It's more important for him to have a woman who other men admire than to have someone who actually likes him.

I know 2 older men with mail order brides.The men are not rich at all,very unattractive,no prospect of anyone here wanting them but they still got some poor desperate women to marry them,presumably for a better life than they had and a passport.It is definitely exploitation.

Eh? Maybe its because its not true? You think men only take advantage of women if they are ugly and/or all ugly men take advantage of women? It's also somehow suggesting that there's a relationship between a woman's physical appearance and how acceptable it is to take advantage of them

Plenty of men, widely considered to be attractive, do exactly that and women's right to not be exploited is not connected to her physical appearance

Of course there are women out of these usually seedy creepy men's league. How do you not admit that?

I'm with you OP.

I understood exactly what the op was saying.
The description and characterisation by the op of Russian, Ukrainian and Thai women is a disgusting trope.

The OP was referring to women of these nationalities she had seen in a documentary about old British men wanting to marry them, and has factually stated the women were attractive. If you find something demeaning towards women of these nationalities in that, then you will need to be more explicit. Because your post I responded to didn't mention that at all, it seemed you were just taking exception to the the OP saying the women were out of the men's league.

Yeah - it does seem mutually beneficial to me.

In the developed country I'm from I pursued education, got a good career to set up my future family. If I was from one of these countries and had little prospects I'd happily marry an "ugly" Colin from abroad to better my family and prospects.

Why would I think those things when you, not I, just sad there and made them up? I said nothing of the sort and you won't find a shred of evidence in anything I've written to suggest I think only ugly men take advantage of women or that I think its 'acceptable' to take advantage of attractive women. Not a shred. If you want to engage with me and debate my posts then please do me the courtesy of limiting that to the opinions I have offered rather than inventing new ones to attribute to me.

I agree completely and never more so since moving to the Middle East and seeing it play out in real life.
The number of (usually) white western men taking full advantage of the younger Thai and Filipino women living out here who struggle to make a living.
Yes you can argue that they are giving the women a better standard of living but for how long? Till the men get bored and the next young attractive woman comes along and the first one is left in the wayside.
It is crass and disgusting but the men will tell you how they are "different" to the stereotype.
Nope, you are the very reason the stereotype exists!!

YANBU. It's essentially a form of prostitution.

It's completely relevant!!!

Because it's very very rarely great looking guys looking for Thai brides.

I don't understand why you feel the need to explain to me what the op and others where trying to say.
I understand clearly.
I objected to the term league, it's boorish and incel like!

You've disagreed with those words being objectionable. I can't come to any other conclusion. Tell me in your own words, then, why you think its okay and relevant. Ugly isn't a word that fits for the only person I know, and seen recently, whose done this kind of thing .. and yet its still grim

I remember watching that program 90 day fiancé. There was a couple on there called Mike and Aziza. I felt terribly sorry for Aziza. It didn’t seem like she wanted to be with him at all. You can watch some clips on YouTube and you’ll see what I mean

Yes this!

I know two of these- one Russian, one Thai. Both husbands died leaving their much younger wives in the UK. Both women had come to the UK with a young daughter. One had got British citizenship (at a cost!) for her and the daughter and inherited the house from the husband who had no will. She is on a low income and now struggling financially.

The other was married to a Brit but not a British citizen herself and had to go back to her country of origin with her now mid teens child who had been in British schools for years. Very sad situations. Both couples “met” online after previous divorces. The husbands are happy to have a beautiful wife who cleans and cooks and looks after him. The wife wants a better life for her child.

Whilst I don’t necessarily think it’s something to celebrate, is it that different to how relationships work generally? Men trade on their money and women trade on their looks. That’s why old broke men don’t date 25 year olds, but old rich men do.

This, and the league thing also is gross

Is it really much different if it happened on British soil ? I have come across quite a few young , beautiful women married to ugly , nerd looking men in the UK! Surely we marry people based on conditions which make us happy or meet our needs? No ones forcing those women to marry such men! They have a choice and choose to do so ! What an arbitrary post !

As much as we don't like the idea, wealth and beauty have always been bartering factors in relationships. And for those whose wealth may not seem like much in their home country, in a poorer country it seems more. It can be unpleasant to think about, but it is a fact.

One can only hope that both partners in an agreement benefit. I'm afraid many young women taken out of their home environment, or country, are at a disadvantage if the agreement goes sour.

OK, yes, 'ugly' isn't a word I'd typically use to describe another person. However, given the behaviour we're discussing, men exploiting disadvantaged women, men who'd stoop to take advantage of women wanting to flee war zones in order to bag themselves an young attractive bride - then tbh, using an objectionable term to describe them is of negligible importance in the context of the discussion, and ok by me. Jumping on to people for using the word ugly (or for saying league) is a diversion from the issue at hand, because here we are discussing women's choice of language rather than discussing women's exploitation.

As to whether the physical appearance of the men who do this is relevant, I think it is, as is their age. Older less physically attractive men have fewer options for the women who will consider them than young attractive men. The men we are talking about on this thread in their arrogance, believe they are entitled to young beautiful woman and care nothing for whether that's recoprocated. When they cant attract one conventionally they use unethical means.