to be amazed at how single parents cope

[FunnysInLaJardin]

DH has been away for 4 days and I have been looking after the DC on my own. They are 14 and 18 and great and really helpful, but it has been so much harder on my own!

I work FT and they are at school, so out of the house most of the time, but DS1 is off to uni in September and so school work is pressing, DS2 is starting GCSE's in September and so the same.

Nothing extra special or drastic, just honestly hats off to those who do this day in day out

Very patronising.

100% agree. My husband and I were living apart for 4 months and wow it was hard. We have a two year old and baby so I wasn’t working but could not imagine getting out the house on time for work and nursery. Single parents are amazing!

Yep, they're amazing.

I agree with previous poster- could you be more patronising?

But you're not talking about being a single parent, really. You're talking about having a disrupted domestic routine. It'd be just as disrupted if you were a single parent whose new partner moved in - the first few days would be chaotic.

It's not lack of hands on help which is difficult, it's having a single income and having sole responsibility for all parenting decisions.

I co-parent on my own half the week and yes the days I have them alone are tiring. I’m not sure I’d find a 14 and 18 year old so tiring though! I mean a 18 year old is an adult?!

I’ve been doing this since my youngest is one and the hardest times on my own have been when we’ve all caught noro virus and they’ve been throwing up everywhere round the house and I’ve literally blacked out meanwhile. Or the nights my youngest wouldn’t sleep and screamed for hours and it was all on me.

Are you serious? 14 and 18 how much parenting are you doing at this point? Bit spoilt.

really, you dont think 14 and 18 yo olds need parenting? Have a word with yourself ffs

I’m sure you’re well intentioned but I can’t stand it when a dh is away for a few days and women declare its like “being a single parent”.

I appreciate you aren’t intending to be so blasé but it’s a bit jarring.
An increased work load is a small facet of single parenting.

I didn't say that, suspect you are rather sensitive to this topic?

I've been an SP for years now. My two are in primary school. Had my teenage nephew stay with us for a week not long back. Can honestly say it was a doddle looking after a teenager.

see the income thing and decision making thing is fine, just the hands on help and co parenting I need

As a pp said it's not so much the physicality and logistics as the mental strain of knowing that all decisions, strategies, interventions etc are down to you and if you fuck it up it's all on you. Really not the same as herding two older teens out the door for a few days. FWIW when I go on holiday with a couple of other two parent families, mine are always sorted and in bed or in the car first because I'm in total control and there's no confusion about who's doing what or arguing about who hasn't done something.

I was on my own for 7 years with my DD.
he day to day stuff is easy as long as you’re organised.
the tough bit snit being a single parent is the mental load, responsibility, providing all of the emotional support, being good and bad cop, continuing when you are ill or tired, and doing it all with no one to support you emotionally.
you survived a few days with a couple of teens, it’s really not comparable and says more about how little you must do normally.

I don't think you have a clue at all how you've come across in this thread op

I second those above. The most challenging thing about being a single parent is the constant finances pressure/worry/planning. Chronically being short of money is exhausting, even more now when nothing stands still for long. You think you've cracked it, and you get dicked with a 20% increase in rent, and have to pull it from nowhere. That's the exhausting bit. Parenting alone is the easy bit.

14 years, and 18 years?? How does it take 2 people to look after a teen and an adult (assuming no sn)??

The single income thing is not "fine" it's a burden. One single parents face everyday.

How much hands on help does a teen need? I feel this thread is a wind up

OK folks, fill your boots, you obvs dont get the gist of my OP. I'm off to bed.

Looking forward to the pile on come the am

I don't think there was any malicious intent in your post OP or a wish to be patronising but single parents cope because they have to - what other choice do they have?

Mine where 7,5 and 4mths when I became one - you just get on with it - and initially, cry a lot when they go to bed.

But mine are 15, 19 and 22 now and it's a doddle in comparison

I don’t know why a woman trying to big up other women is being torn apart in these comments. Op is being kind, yet of course other people have to take it the wrong way. I’ve been a single parent since the very day my son was born and it’s tough, both mentally, physically and financially. It’s also very lonely as well, I think that point is something that a lot of people don’t talk about enough when it comes to single parenting. Thank you for acknowledging and appreciating us, and I hope when your other half gets back he gives you a well deserved break!

But she’s not being kind, she’s basically saying ‘thank god I don’t have to be like you all of the time’

I’ve done both and tbh in terms of difficulty don’t find it all that different. Husbands can be helpful but they come with their own set of needs as well and then there’s the added washing…