to be amazed at how single parents cope

[FunnysInLaJardin]

DH has been away for 4 days and I have been looking after the DC on my own. They are 14 and 18 and great and really helpful, but it has been so much harder on my own!

I work FT and they are at school, so out of the house most of the time, but DS1 is off to uni in September and so school work is pressing, DS2 is starting GCSE's in September and so the same.

Nothing extra special or drastic, just honestly hats off to those who do this day in day out

To be perfectly honest it's much easier than being stuck in an awful relationship and constantly being undermined as a person and a parent!

Of course it was.

It wasn't easier than if you had a supportive loving spouse, who cared equally about his DC though.

It's still hard, and clearly has been very hard for you.

So do I.

I would have preferred to parent with a decent man, which would have been easier than being alone.

Of course being a single parent when the ex is abusive / useless, is better. It's not better than the positive alternative of a good spouse though.

I could… but then I wouldn’t get to have my opinion.

I can only speak for myself, but personally I think I am better alone. Being a single parent is the positive alternative, no matter how decent or good the spouse is.

And yet your 'opinion' has been deleted, so you don't get to have it anyway.

What a shame.

Well that got heated!

Thanks to all of those who understood the sentiment

Don't get me wrong, I have HUGE respect for any parent doing it all alone, but 14 and 18yrs old. For essentially a long weekend! Why are they so dependent OP?

Out of interest what kind of situations needing two parents arose during those few days?

I've been a single parent to similar age children for a few years and have never found myself shorthanded

In the last couple of days I could have done with another adult to:

• drop son to school when the school bus didn't arrive
• book football tickets (on sale 10am so son can't do) for a popular match
• take some of the load talking to son about missed homework and misbehaviour
• share some of the driving around
• do some Birthday shopping

Of course none of these are particularly trying, but I often feel 'eugh....now what....' because I need to fit these in my working day, which is fortunately very flexible but does have some fixed meetings.

So, yes, some acknowledgement that it can be tricky when you are the only one is appreciated.

I'm feeling stretched more in recent years due to his grandparents (ex in-laws) being quite unwell and wanting to support them as much as I can.

Exactly.

My eldest DS doesn't drive so it is stuff like taking them to the bus stop which is a 45 minute walk from our house for the school bus, taking them to various activities ie football, rugby, guitar lessons which we would usually share.

None of it earth shattering

and I was doing LOADS of stuff for my 18 yo. Nominally an adult, but at 6th form (a car journey to reach the bus stop), many Uni visits and the associated decisions, taking here, there and everywhere for his social life and band rehearsals and performances. I didn't mind at all and of course it was great he was around to mind his then 8 yo brother, but yeah.....another pair of hands would have been useful.

I am actually thankful for this thread as it's making me appreciate how well I've coped with co-parenting and looking after two small children alone half the week. I am usually quite down on myself but I have managed to get my son to his various medical appointments for a few different issues he has and managed to get through the lengthy NHS system to get him diagnoses that will hopefully help him in life. I've also held down a full time job while coping with all the sick days that happen with young kids.

But I also appreciate how much easier I have it compared to a lone parent who gets no down time at all and bears 100% of the mental and physical load.

What sentiment would that be OP? It looks to me that you just started a bun fight for shits and giggles.

If not, you have absolutely no idea what it's like to be a single parent and I find your stance extremely offensive.

It really annoys me when people refer to 18 yo students in FT education as an adult. Sure they are technically but there is still so much they need help with especially if they don't drive and you live rurally.

And yes, uni visits...

I don't find it offensive, just naive and shortsighted especially the comment about a single income not being an issue.

Finances are the biggest struggle a lone parent will face unless they are incredibly fortunate and have a high-paying job (50k p/a plus) they can manage around childcare commitments who don't mind them taking sudden leave when child 1 gets D&V and child 2 comes down with the same bug as soon as child 1 is well enough to go back to school.

I do believe OP meant well.

Sorry to disagree but I don't think she meant well. I think it was goady to be honest.

I brought up my ds on my own for 20 odd years and I'm still doing it ( youngest ds's dad died when he was 2) and I've had this crap thrown at me for years. Single parents are often seen as scum, you made bad choices with their dad, every thing they did wrong was my fault ( never the father) and the mental load was horrendous.

It has been the hardest job I've ever done, and continue to do, and to have someone come on here and moan because her DH is away for a couple of days and shes left with teenagers is frankly offensive. 😡

yes, it has touched a massive nerve.

It's worth bearing in mind that everyone has a different experience of single parenthood and different struggles.

I was probably only truly a single parent for the first 3-4 years after separating and the last 18 months. During the middle bit, the kid's Dad was fairly hands-on and supportive (practically, emotionally, and financially). He pretty much became my best friend but there was a lot of animosity the first few years. I honestly believed his sole joy in life those first few years was making my life as hard and miserable as possible.

I've always considered having sole responsibility for parenting decisions to be one of the best perks!

Thankyou for that. I thought it was just me who felt that way on this thread!

Me too.

I've got 4 teens on my own

Just do it really. Can't not.

And you think that was the message I was trying to convey in my op? I’m sorry you’ve had a rough time, but you are projecting rather

@FunnysInLaJardin

What message were you trying to convey though?