to be amazed at how single parents cope

[FunnysInLaJardin]

DH has been away for 4 days and I have been looking after the DC on my own. They are 14 and 18 and great and really helpful, but it has been so much harder on my own!

I work FT and they are at school, so out of the house most of the time, but DS1 is off to uni in September and so school work is pressing, DS2 is starting GCSE's in September and so the same.

Nothing extra special or drastic, just honestly hats off to those who do this day in day out

I think there's a difference between parenting and doing everything for your children. Just like there's a difference between neglect and encouragement to independence.

I suspect a study would find that children who had parents who were actively engaged but also gave them age appropriate levels of responsibility did the best in life

Parenting your 18 year old doesn't mean you have to run around after them. They need to learn self sufficiency. Parenting older children is about being there for them to talk to, supporting them. Not driving them round everywhere.

I don’t think the OP meant to be patronising at all; as a single parent of two young boys, I actually find it quite uplifting when my married friends comment that they “don’t know how I do it”. I have one friend in particular who says it a lot but she also often tells me she is so proud of me for leaving an abusive and volatile marriage, knowing I had the strength to go it alone. Honestly, it’s the best thing I ever did and I feel like I have one less child to pick up after!
I also know a lone parent (ie one whose child has no financial support or contact with their father) and I feel lucky that I do at least have some support.

Anyway, I’m often telling my married friends and family that I don’t know how they live with their husbands as I wouldn’t want to live with a partner again until my kids are grown up and they certainly don’t take that personally!

To be fair i find it better without the now ex husband as having him about was like having an extra child to rally around after. Im a full time single working parent now and to be honest just 2 teens aren't really going to be difficult to manage in comparison to parents of much younger children. I have 4 at home myself ages 18 14 10 and 8. If anything the 18year old is a help. She's the one who helps with school runs if I'm working.

But that's in comparison to a rubbish husband

Yes, I think everyone agrees that being single is preferable to having a useless partner.

Hats off to you (sorry if that's patronising...), I am a lone parent to a 15 YO and honestly I still find it hard. The weeks and weeks of school holidays to manage - we live rurally so he can't rely on buses for everything and many of his friends are just as rural. Juggling his needs (gym, football, seeing mates, after school detentions, ortho appts) with mine (work, unwell grandparents), as well as my own exercise which is very important to me and all the normal house stuff. I don't know how I'd do that with 3 or 4. When my oldest was 18 he was at 6th form and didn't drive so couldn't help in that way, though he was an extra pair of hands around the house and for his then 8 yo brother.

Honestly no matter what you post on this site- you can think you are being really nice , not judging , not saying nothing negative and someone will always jump on you and twist your words . I have never known anything like it!

I actually love it and look forward to it my husband is away and always have done! He goes away probably 1 night a week sometimes 2 for work and then he has 1 or 2 week long ski trips a year. My kids are older now with the youngest being 7 but I definitely appreciated him going away when they were little.
I think it does probably depend on your home dynamic though as when my sisters husband goes away I have had to go and stay there in the past as she really struggles.
For me I see it as a bit of a break, I have 1 less person to clean up after!

This has NO relevance to being a single parent.

This has really depressed me, and I was already fucking low to be honest.

I'm a single parent to 3 children under 12 and I work full time in a caring profession.

They do thousands of clubs.

Their father lives the dream on his massive salary and pays less than 50% of the court ordered child support. He never takes all 3 at once as he doesn't like to 'it's quite stressful isn't it?' and sees the 1 or 2 of them a max 1 day a week.

I have no money, no time, no life, no friends, shit home, no pleasure in anything.

He was really fucking abusive and it continues when you divorce- it's not like they suddenly become nice and supportive so the 'well at least it's better now' is on a comparative scale of fucking shitty to really shitty.

I'm simply getting through day by day and can't wait till it's all over. If I was braver I would simply walk away into the fucking sunset.

All these awful patronising and bitchy comments are the things which finish you off.

I really don't understand tearing down someone who is clearly in awe of single parenting.

We can never truly be in exactly in each other shoes, so let's welcome and be grateful for compassion from another human being when it comes our way.

Thank you OP your comments are appreciated- don't let the negative comments deter you from being a compassionate soul ☺️

14 and 18 year old? That's hilarious! 🤣🤣 Unless there are special needs/disabilities obviously.

Agree!
I spent years struggling as a lone parent, fully aware that i was looked down upon by many in society... so when people say 'fair play' to single parents its really appreciated!

Really? I find all the "being a single parent is so easy, much easier than being married" far more depressing I'm glad the op has acknowledged how hard it is for single parents rather than making out it's a walk in the park and single parents live the life of Riley

How ridiculous. Good parenting means preparing your children to be competent adults. How on earth youve struggled with a 14 and 18 year old is beyond belief. if neither child is pulling their weight at home, that needs dealing with. Are they both boys? Are you that boy mum? Doesn't expect a finger lifted?

when i was finishing my ALevels, granted I did nothing at home, but I had two jobs. And learning to drive at 17 was a non-negotiable. My mum insisted on it to create independence.

@StrawberryTwister why so dismissive of her when she’s clearly have a spectacularly rough time.

I see my post commiserating with the same PP and sharing a similar story about nobody on this thread was reported. Christ on a bike.

OP I'm not a single parent snd not sensitive but your post did come across as incredibly naive and patronising. By saying I experienced X - I don't know how single parents do it!' you are suggesting your experience compares in some way to being a single parent even if not fully. You're basically saying life was hard as you has to drive your teenagers around a bit more than normal. It doesn't in any way compare to the challenge of parenting alone day in, day out, and doing so over many years. It feels a bit like someone who's sprained their ankle saying they know how someone unable to walk due to a permanent disability feels. No, you don't. You have more insight into it than you did the day before but that doesn't mean you in any way understand what it's like.

And she should appreciate that people understand rather than telling her it's easy?

I raised DS, 18 alone since he was a baby, no contact with his dad. I share custody of younger DD 50/50 with her dad. Of course 18 year olds need parenting/ this year I've helped him navigate grief, job applications, car insurance etc. But day to day he's very easy and low maintenance. I don't even see that much of him some days as he's off working/doing his own thing. Younger DD is a good kid but requires much more hands on parenting. Parenting teenagers can be stressful of course, but over the long term, not 4 days!

She doesn’t have to do anything really, and as we all are, are entitled to our opinions without being told things such as we have to be grateful and not overly sensitive and defensive. Now that’s just silly.

Seems this thread is spectacularly censored and we must only fall all over ourselves for the head pats.

Is entitled to her opinion, I realise the above didn’t make sense

@StrawberryTwister

"And she should appreciate that people understand rather than telling her it's easy?"

Is this about me?! I should appreciate the OP saying 'goodness this is a bit tricky'? Jesus wept, that's exactly what I don't need, thanks.** Judging by her OP and comments in this thread, she doesn't understand at all. It's not about lifts to the bus stop, that's the point.

@Betterbuckleupbarbara thanks for seeing me. No idea what was deleted but my life is spectacularly shit and people thinking I should 'appreciate' a little 'oooh well done you for not offing yourself' can fuck right off.

@mynamechangemyrules it was something about the OP realising that ‘thank fuck she’s not a single parent’, and calling my ex an arsehat as he sounds similar to yours, and now I just ignore his tantrums.

Took a while to get to that point of course, not having to reply on him, and ensuring his decisions are in no way restrictive to my life, so I wanted to let you know there is hope…Seems that was offensive. Oh well. (He IS a massive )