to be amazed at how single parents cope

[FunnysInLaJardin]

DH has been away for 4 days and I have been looking after the DC on my own. They are 14 and 18 and great and really helpful, but it has been so much harder on my own!

I work FT and they are at school, so out of the house most of the time, but DS1 is off to uni in September and so school work is pressing, DS2 is starting GCSE's in September and so the same.

Nothing extra special or drastic, just honestly hats off to those who do this day in day out

I think it's the fact she said the single income and sole decision making was fine, implying she had first insight into it when in reality she's talking out of her arse because she's not in the same situation remotely.

Then saying she needs hands on help with a teen and an adult. Wtf?

My friend is a single mother... its been very challenging for her!

They way the media and society portray single parents is disgusting.

Maybe, women contribute to the problem. Like a lot of the negative comments on this post.

You are too funny op .
Two teens for four days

posted Too soon. My mum was a single parent and congratulates herself daily on not having to worry about a man. She enjoys her freedom. Not everyone wants to be one half of a couple.

Ok I mean I can disagree with your attitude without being accused of being “sensitive” I thought I was very tactful in my reply.
I live with my dc’s father.
My own mum was a single mother for a while so I have some grasp of the complexities of solo parenting.

I just thought your opening post was ill thought out and doesn’t appreciate what being a single parent entails.

I roll my eyes when people who’s partner is away working start making understanding noises about single parents.

With a 14 and 18 year old?! Do they have complex special needs?

Some mean replies on here.
I am a lone parent of 11 years, l am not in the least offended by OPs observations. We cope because we have to. We are expected to keep up the same like a two parent family.

see the income thing and decision making thing is fine, just the hands on help and co parenting I need

This is why.

She didn't have a single income, nor did she have to make decisions alone.

Hands on parenting for an adult and a 14yo as well?

It's patronising to imply she knows what's fine and not, and tell a single parent that, when she has a whole 4 days of not even a full experience.

I'm a lone parent to a 5,7 and 9 year old. I appreciate your sentiment OP, particularly after what's been a very tough evening.
Sometimes a kind word is quite nice, thank you

I'm not sure why people are having such a go at the OP! I always appreciate it when people recognise how difficult it is being a lone parent. So much better than the usual comments I get from people saying they are practically a lone parent because their DP works long hours etc. That is annoying. Also the teenage years were the hardest part of parenting for me.

Well yes. How much parenting are you doing for the 18 year old? They're practically an adult. And the 14 year old? Surely they need feeding every now and again but not so much that it would be a nightmare if it was just you?

Thank you for acknowledging and appreciating us

Nope, sorry. You’re definitely not speaking for me in that ‘us’. I don’t need or want acknowledgement or appreciation from
strangers on the internet who really haven’t got a clue what they’re on about, however well-meaning their musings might be.

What I really could do with is for the lawmakers in this country to take action towards enforcing ‘fathers’ to shoulder some responsibility for their child(ren), even if only financially. Any suggestions, OP?

Ah I think let's just take this on face value as a compliment. It's hard being a single mum and we can all agree there.

OP I think you may be upset about the reaction but sadly a lot of people do say these things to singe mums, like, all of the time. School gates, parties, school concerts - all we get is "oh god, when DH went away it was ssooooo hard" or announcing they'll be having a few days when he is off on business, for example. I think they think it is some solidarity call? It does get a bit wearing as, although a few days parenting physically is tough, mentally and financially you are really not actually alone. That is what wears you down over the years. Yes a few days of making some decisions without DH actually being there was a doddle, but making all of those choices alone for years over and over again...the mental load is extreme and it's all on you.

So, thank you for recognising a small snapshot of part of single parenting and acknowledging it. I am sure you are a genuine person and simply hadn't considered how it would be for you if you were in our situation, which is why this has been a revelation. Hopefully it made you feel stronger too - we are all able to do it alone, if the worst does happen.

As someone that spent a decade as a single parent, the teens are probably the easier years!

Your kids are 14 and 18 and your husband has been away for 4 days? I'm sorry if you're being genuine but I don't think you have the slightest clue what being a single parent is like.

This was intended to be a kind and not patronising post. I'm in a fortunate position to be okay with my ex who has the kids a couple/ few nights a week.
I remember when I was newly alone with an 18 month old and a 5 year old being livid when I worked with someone who's husband was in the forces on his first posting who kept referring to herself as a single parent. But she was facing a new situation for her and she didn't have the words.
It's not a race to say whose life is hardest and anyone who wants to support others should be welcomed.

I am actually always amazed at how few married women realise that most women don't get child support, and how little it is. Raising awareness on that is never a bad idea - making sure people don't pay cash in hand so that these men can not declare it and have to pay for their kids, for example. A lot of married women think this is great and don't see the wider implications for women and their kids.

it is patronising though and why post it on AIBU if the OP didn’t want opinions?
it’s like wearing a blindfold for 5 minutes and saying you understand what it’s like to not have your sight.

100 percent!!!!!

What hands on help do your 14yo and adult offspring need?

Genuine question, as a lone parent of two teens myself. One of yours is old enough to drive so it probably isn't lifts - what on earth else do they absolutely require your presence for over 4 evenings, that you wouldn't normally be doing with/for them even if there was another adult in the house?

If it's domestic chores get them to step up and do more themselves.

I think it’s a kindness to point out how blasé and Iill considered op’s comments are on an anonymous forum.

At least she knows many people will be eye rolling ,wincing and laughing wryly if she says this to friends or fellow parents who might be too polite to disagree 😂

This is something you might blurt out without thinking but Its worth pointing out that it’s often not particularly well received.

I see nothing wrong with your post op, better than those that insist single parents have it easy and it's harder in a couple 😏🙃 yeah unless abuse then no it's not easier to parent alone!

I'm not sure it was well intentioned

I've been a single parent for 8 years, totally single/widowed, and I've actually found it much easier than parenting with someone that's checked out and doesn't get involved.

I guess I had it pretty much nailed down due to doing it on my own for so long anyway. However, I only have 1 child, tricky child but young teen now so very independent with many things. I work full time. I've had to be very careful with budgets.

It can be easier just being the only one deciding everything! I'm sure it's not for some, but it works for me.

I'd even go as far as to say I totally enjoy it.