To expect partner to help with paying for food shops?

[Lunluna09]

So I earn between 1.9-2k a month, my partner earns 1.9k so more or less the same.

We live together and I have a child from a previous relationship, and also a car, which he does not.

The household bills are almost £1700 a month, and he currently pays £600 towards this, which is fine as my car means my share is higher.

My issue is I also pay for every food shop, and also all the petrol, and I drive him around frequently. He thinks he pays his fair share in his words and doesn't need to pay more. I buy all his essentials, deodorant, etc

I'm currently spending £1800 a month on the rest of the bills, food/ essentials for the three of us and petrol and it's bleeding me dry, I've got nothing to put aside, ive had two flat tires this month and nothing to fall back on and I'm really struggling. I've brought it up to him and it's very much 'youll need to cut down on things' with no offer to help out even one week a month with doing a food shop.

He's terrible with money and never has anything left after the first week. If I mention needing more he makes me feel like I'm being unreasonable asking for money from him. He also frequently asks to borrow what little money I have from me through the month as he never has any.

AIBU?

What did you sign up for?
A partner or another child?

Why exactly does he think he doesn't need to pay to feed himself or his personal hygiene stuff. What ridiculous reason does he give for that not being his responsibility??

Yes you can. Just click on yanbu and it changes. There is 1 day 22 hours to change your vote.

Haha, "cut down on things", sure. Cut down on driving him around, cut down on his toiletries, the food he likes...

Are you seeing my ex? He was a sponging cunt too.

Make yours an ex, you deserve it.

In what way is he subsiding op?

He pays next to nothing for his accommodation once his share of utility, council tax, toiletries, petrol, wear and tear on her car and food etc is deducted. Plus op is considerably worse off as she has to pay full council tax and may even have lost some benefits.

Op is either break even with him being there or as I suspect, even be worse off due to him living there, plus all of the additional labour including taxiing him around.

A child does not cost a lot extra, definitely not 1/3 of the food bill. If anything, a man will eat a similar amount to a woman plus younger child combined. A bedroom from a 1 to 2 bed not be 1/3 more.

I also would not be calling him a step parent. A step parent is engaged and wants what is best for their partner and partner’s child.

He's taking the piss.
The thing is, even when you tell him you won't be he's mummy anymore, you will be left with the knowledge that he would be willing to let you live like this while he has £1300 a month for himself if only he could still get away with it.
I would never watch someone I love struggle whilst feeding me.

He's had it all his own way so far, now it's time to prioritise yourself and your DC. If he doesn't want to fit in properly like a genuine partner should, then it's time for him to go.

None of these things are symptoms of ADHD. I've reported this hateful, incorrect and ignorant post.

Your partner is taking the piss and you are enabling him

You're only struggling because you're subsidising him! Why doesn't he think he should contribute to the food and petrol costs? You're allowing him to take money away from your child.

You don’t need to ask. You know you are being a complete fool.

£600 a month all in? I'll move in with you!

I'd get rid of him. Once again every morsel of food or gallon of petrol he uses is less for your DC.

If you don't get rid of him make it really uncomfortable. I can't feed you I'm cutting back like you said. I can't give you a lift I'm cutting back like you said. I can't buy your deodorant ... You can't have a shower ... You can't use the washer ...

Bet he'll leave then!

How old is he? 16? Surely a fully functioning adult man can work out that he’s paying less than a student would pay for mouldy room in a shared house of 7 in a dodgy part of town? And that before you get to bills and food. A man who loved you would want the best for you. He’d want to live a life with you where you were happy, secure, and were an equal, not one where you were struggling because you had to feed him and drive him everywhere and made sure he didn’t smell. I bet you do all the cooking, cleaning (with the products you pay for), and shag him too. And then you have to bail him out on top of all that?

What does he bring to your life that makes him worth all that?

Well, as he suggested cutting back then cut back on his shopping - toiletries, deodorant and food.

If you need to cut back further then he can also go..

What exactly are you asking us?. I'm sure you know he is wrong.

Bin him.

He's treating you as a free taxi and as a free café. Won't put is hand in his pocket yet perfectly happy to put his hand into yours?

Cock lodger.

Another cock lodger. I use to put up with it in my teens and twenties as knew no better then. Bin him and enjoy your life, he’s taking the absolute piss.

He is not worth your time. He is using you and you are better off alone.

You'd be better off getting a lodger.

I'd boot him.

I would be telling him for example ‘shopping was 300, so you owe £150’.
if not, off you go..

If it helps you in getting angry, he’s taking cash from your child. Every penny you spend on his food is a penny taken away from your child’s future.

Are you in a relationship with my ex? 😆

Just because he asks doesn't mean you have to give it to him!

It is time for a talk and if he doesn't change then it's over. Decide what you want and stick to it. He's not the only man out there.

He should be contributing to food at least. I would stop buying all his toiletries.