To not meet my bf’s ex

[Songsforlittles]

I’ve been dating a guy for a few months. We both have kids from past relationships.

His ex has said she will not allow him to spend time with me and his kids (who he has 50% of the time) without meeting me first. I have met her briefly by accident, which was not a great situation for anyone.

I understand that she’s probably still hurting and wants some control over who her children spend time with. However, I also think she is not his mum, she’s not a part of our relationship and her motives seem more based on her feelings rather than concern over her children.

I’m considering saying that I will not meet her. Am I being unreasonable ?

There is but how is that relevant here? 😂

There's been no suggestion that the ex thinks she'll be allowed to veto this woman and tell her ex to pick a new girlfriend.....what she's asking is far more like "I'd like to meet my DCs new teacher" than "the school must run their selection of a new teacher past me to approve" 😂

I'm sure their father is able to decide on his own, who is around his children.

Suggest leaving meeting her on the back burner for a while. That way, you are will not feel bossed or put under the microscope it neither are giving an outright refusal. Meanwhile, you will not spend time with BFs children. Sounds like unresolved issues with BF and his ex - issues you can do without.

I hate these threads. There's always so much banging on about a mothers right to x y or z as if its enshrined in law that a mother should be allowed to demand a meeting with anyone her children are going to be around.

In reality she is separated from her child's other parent and he has as much right as she does to introduce his children to anyone he sees fit on his time.

He is their father and can decide himself whether he believes its safe for his children to be around you, he doesn't need their mothers permission as much as PPs wish he did. In the same way she doesn't require his.

So do whatever makes you comfortable OP. If you don't feel comfortable meeting her then don't. You don't have to and there is nothing she can do about it.

I don't think anyone is against the concept of them meeting.

Many people are against the mother's announcement that she will stop any contact with the children unless she gets her way.

And if you have someone who uses the children like that, and you allow it once, you set the precedent that she has this "power" over the other parent. She doesn't.

I'd have been up for meeting her, until she added that caveat.