To ask my parents for financial help

[concernedchild]

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

Why do you think they'd say no @concernedchild? I think if you ask for a loan from them to pay for your exams and are very clear that you won't be in a position to pay it back until you've got a job as a solicitor on a full salary, would they not help you out? I realise they already are helping you out a great deal by providing you with board and lodging, but most DPs (unless they're extremely skint or hard-hearted), would help out their DC if they could see what dire straits they're in.

However, if they lend you the money and then see you going out every weekend they may feel that you're taking the piss - I think I might if I were them. I'd work out exactly how much you need from either them or a bank to make your life bearable for the next 18 months (an extra £200 a month, say?) and then either ask them for that or get a bank loan for that amount. A bank loan at 0% interest might just be the less complicated/judgemental option.

OP, you're on the TC already, it's not going to last forever but don't try to move. Trying to move from a TC to another firm is going to make you look flakey. Is there any potential to ask your employer to contribute towards the costs? Our firm pay for the training costs for our trainees, I'm aware how expensive they are so on the lower end salary it's a killer.

I'm going to talk to them them to ask for a loan, paying back £100/month until the exams have been sat, £200 once I've sat them and then riding to clear the outstanding debt within 6 months once I've qualified. I think that sounds okay?

Because this is the real world and outside of the biggest law firms that's the reality

Its a tricky one...as a parent, if I could afford it, I would help my child in your situation.

However, you already think your parents will say no. And you are paying for fun activities over the summer. You have to live with them, if asking will bring about bad feelings or criticism from them, I would think carefully about asking. You dont want to make your home an uncomfortable place whilst you are already worried about money.

Its easy to say, but just remember your current situation is temporary (and you do have essentials covered) and will get better once you have completed your exams and course.

If you have the spare time to do so, start eyeing up the firms up the ladder that you’d like to move to on qualifying and if there are any eg local law society events etc where you may get to meet their partners. I appreciate this isn’t helpful for your current financial situation but it does sound like you need to get the hell out on qualifying

Already on it! It's tough because I'm so happy in my current seat and the job I'm in, but the pay is obviously a huge issue

You’ve now said you do have more money there but that it’s for some event/concert, so I still think it’s unreasonable to ask them for money. Unfortunately as adults we make choices and have to work through them, if you want to qualify then you have to throw everything at it. Asking them for money so you can spend yours on something fun would be a big fat no from me.

Have a look at specific bank loans.

Good for you. And it sounds like you know the area you want to qualify into which is helpful.

I think it’s fine to ask your parents for a loan, if you
ve been saving for a few months hopefully they should be pleased it’s not the full amount. This is just a temporary difficult 18 months, it will be much better once you’ve qualified.

What is the end date to this situation? I. agree with @Whaleandsnail6 on this one plus you know what your parents are like. I mean it’s good to get opinions but it’s really sort of irrelevant how much others assist their adult children.

@Mrsttcno1 no, I haven't. I said I am saving other money. If I had that much available to me I certainly wouldn't be stressed about the price of the exams!

I think they'll say no because I'm negative and I've never approached them for this before. If they say no I'll grit my teeth and bear it, I won't be upset or anything like that

I would ask if I were you. I wouldn’t dream of letting my children struggle at such a young age. Young people these days have it SO much harder than people my age did.

But saving for other things is a luxury you don’t have right now.

I'd say YANBU because I used a share of inheritance that mum passed to me (it was hers, she didn't need to share) to pay for my professional qualifications when I did my TC, but if they say no just keep on trucking, it's not forever and you will be well paid.

People don't realise how normal it is for small firms not to pay a penny towards qualifications, for a laptop, etc. There are so many people fighting for TCs that they have no need to offer any incentives. The big firms do of course but a) those placements are incredibly competitive b) they're normally big city based and c) you normally have to sell your soul in terms of work life balance!

@Mrsttcno1 do you honestly think I should be going without everything in order to pay for these exams? I'm already sacrificing so much and cancelling these plans would genuinely wreck my mental health

I've texted them to lay the groundwork for the chat tonight and I feel sick, I hate that I've got to do this but I'm hoping that we can come to some sort of agreement

@concernedchild it’s not about what you should do, so much as about what you can do and what’s normal to the people around you.

Expensive treats and outings that support your mental health are a novelty to people over a certain age. There were no treats. Not for a limited time, not because we didn’t need them or didn’t work hard and feel hard done by. They just weren’t there, regardless of how we felt.

There will always be pushback from people who did without things you consider essential.

Good luck talking to your parents. I hope they appreciate how you feel and are able to help.

They may have conditions- I know mine would have 🤣. My mum still grumbles when other people don’t spend money the same way she does- I’m not giving her money, she’s just got a new phone! Etc.

Op, please ask your parents for help.

Absolutely ask them, I would say yes in their shoes if I could and would be so proud of what you’re doing to make a career for yourself - good luck x

I've presented what I think is quite a reasonable offer - £350 as a "security deposit", £100/ month until the final exam is completed in January, and then this rises to £200/month, with a commitment to paying off the outstanding debt within 6 months of qualifying

You are not a failure because of the financial situation. So many people are struggling and living with their parents because of the cost of living now.

Speak to your parents, have a plan ready to repay any money they agree to lend you.

I think you should ask because you have a firm and sensible plan in place. I’d want my daughter to ask and I’d want to help. My mum would be devastated if I was struggling and stressed and didn’t think to, at least, have a discussion with her. Please don’t feel bad. The worst they say is no.