To ask my parents for financial help

[concernedchild]

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

You are writing like you are the most hard done to person that has ever lived! It is normal to be skint when you are a student or starting out in a career. I remember I didn’t have a holiday from the age of about 15 until I was about 25. I was overdrawn at the end of each month for the first three years of my working life and I certainly wasn’t “saving”. I am honestly flummoxed that you are talking about saving and holidays and concerts in the same breath as wanting to ask your parents for money.

Anyway I am 53 now and after those first three years in the workforce I came out as a qualified accountant and have never worried about money since, but I did the hard yards first.

All that said, I don’t think there is anything wrong in talking to your parents if you are struggling, but I don’t think this is the tale of woe you think it is. Some people don’t even have parents they can fall back on.

What I don’t get is that your parents don’t realise you are struggling.

Our DS is doing an apprenticeship, and I can sense when he gets a bit tight at EOM.

Of course you should ask. Honestly, some of the responses on here...

You sound very switched on and logical. I bet your parents are dead proud of you and will be more than willing to help. Good luck OP.

I don't tell them because I don't want to seem like I'm taking advantage

I've put forward this suggestion to them and I'm hoping this will be acceptable to them

Glad your parents have agreed to help. If you can find it, some evening babysitting might allow you to earn cash for fun while still studying for your exams.

I do not understand - if you are working for a legal firm why aren’t they paying for your exams? Is this normal - other posters seem to say the company pays. How many hours/days are you working as your earnings are exceptionally low?

If you are not working in law could you change your current job to boost earnings?

Are you guaranteed a better post with your current employer when you pass/qualify or will you have to take your chances elsewhere? Are there vacancies in your field in general?

I babysit for family but they don't pay me, and I feel too tight to start asking now, but I may start picking up odd jobs etc., just to boost my income

I'm working in law. Outside of the big firms it's increasingly rare to find a firm who will pay for your exams/course fees.

OP, really hope they give you the help you need. Mine did in the same situation as you and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have lasted till qualification without their help, as 2 years is too long to go with literally nothing to look forward to, especially when you're also working hard all the time.

Please stick at it, even if they can't or won't help you - it really is worth it once you're qualified (I'm now 10 years in and I couldn't have dreamed of my current financial situation when I was studying!). Best of luck with it all x

honestly, what's the point of having rich parents if you can't ask them for help.

If I was in you position, I'd create a spreadsheet of my incomings and outgoings, future expenses and details of the financial help you need, I would also be inclined to include interest on any amount you need (although they may not want you to do this) the offer will mean you aren't taking it for granted and that it's clear that it is loan, strictly business.

But a word of advice, do NOT overpromise your payments back, just set it at something you can EASILY afford, like 100 per month until it is paid, I wouldn't offer a set time limit either as the last thing you want to do is delay it or even worse go back to them for more help if an unexpected expense crops up, while you've got the opportunity give yourself the breathing room you need to make the most of it.

Good luck OP, this is only temporary, as long as you get there, it doesn't matter HOW you get there.

The proposal I've made for repayment is well within my abilities now, and hopefully by the time January next year rolls around I'll have had a pay rise!!

Oh, @concernedchild , you're getting yourself in a right tangle. If your parents are decent people then of course they won't mind helping you. I've a teen DD and if she came to me struggling and I could help then I would want to. In fact, I'd be cross if she didn't ask me if she was sinking as badly as you appear to be. And, for what it's worth, I think you are sensible to keep to the wee treats you have planned. As you say, you have to have something to look forward to. It'll give you a good lift that could see you through future tough months. You sound like you are trying your very best. If you were my DD I'd be very proud of you. Please let your parents help. All the very best to you.

Hang in there op.

I was so strapped for cash when I was training (unfunded pupillage, I’m quite old) but it worked out long term. I ended up getting a bank loan which I paid off after qualification, family help was not available.

Don’t compare yourself to people who’ve inherited, that’s a completely different situation.

24 and living at home is totally normal so you’re not a failure. I’m 42 and considered asking my parents to help pay for my masters as it’s only part funded by work. I feel at 42 I’d be being a bit cheeky but at 24, I’d be happy for my child to come to me.

Don't feel bad about asking.

If you were my DC and all you needed to take a great weight off your mind was throwing some money at the problem, then I would be more than happy to do the throwing.

Problems solved by the judicious application of cash are the easy ones to solve.

And, bloody hell, some of the responses on this thread are harsh. I had a child/teenhood where money was really, really tight and there's no way that my parents could have helped me out financially - I worked whilst I was at school and funded my way through university and have worked full-time since I was 20 (am mid-50s now). Doesn't mean that I would stand by and watch my own daughter struggle when I could help her just because I had it tough. Fuck me.

You are so fucking rude.

She is 24 years old and studying for a great career.

@concernedchild don't listen to nonsense. You are NOT a failure. Law isn't easy.

Absolutely ask mum and dad for some help. I'd absolutely want my children to come to me and I would've gone to my parents. They would have wanted me to go to them and they would've helped me if they could as it would've been for my future and career.

You're clearly not a CF who cannot manage money asking to be thrown some cash to pay your direct debits.

@concernedchild Glad you got at least a hopeful reply from your Dad. Please though, do tell them exactly how bad you are feeling about things as you have here.

Your parents are already subsidising you by letting you live at home for free

Take out a student loan

I will, my thing is I'd become emotional about it and feel so so bad about that, because I then feel like I'm blackmailing them into it. But I'll sit down with them and explain that the exams are all over the country, as it stands I might not be able to afford to travel to them etc., and that this would help me a great deal

I essentially would be taking out a loan, I've got a repayment plan sorted. My parents would rather I saved for a house than paid rent, because frankly the amount I'd be able to afford to pay would be pitiful

Exams are £7800 a year?

What are you wanting to do when you leave university, is it truly worth it?

Try not to factor in hopefully's though if you can help it, the best way to do it is under promise then over deliver. Drop the amounts down per month and put the rest that you can afford into a savings account as a 'float'. Then when you think you're ready, pay it back to them as a lump sum from your float account, you don't have to tell them about that so it can be a nice surprise!

Anything can happen, you didn't think that original employer would close, but it did, so my point is think of the worst possible situation (losing your earnings for example, or being off ill) and work to that, if they have plenty of savings they won't mind that at all as long as you're paying something every month.

@sandyhappypeople good idea!! I will amend my plan and put that to them tonight, I feel so sick at the thought of the conversation but I know it needs to happen