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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask my parents for financial help

589 replies

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 08:47

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

OP posts:

Thread gallery

quietnightmare · 20/03/2024 09:05

First of all you're not a failure and you're not behind anyone else. You are exactly where you are supposed to be.

Ask your parents. They see your not going out drinking and partying you are working or studying. Maybe they will help and maybe they won't but all you can do is ask.

Also this is not forever once you qualify you will be able to get a job and then you could pay them back.

Have a look online about student swooping. You can use other students rooms for a night when you go to other towns and have to stay the night

Can you offer your parents things like lifts? Do cooking for them etc for a bit of help with money?

What about babysitting for your neighbours, do the shopping for elderly neighbours or even ironing? This would unlikely effect your terms of employment

GreatGateauxsby · 20/03/2024 09:05

Okay you need a proper budget or to redo your budget.
£2800 for a laptop, train ticket and a hotel room doesn't make sense unless you are buying a mac.

Saving for exams are whats crippling you as £1300 with no rent or bills is more than sufficient to live on.
I'd stop or reduce "saving" for solicitors exams. Build your credit score and you can put some of it on 0% credit this goves you a bigger time frame in which to pay it off as it enables you to pay it down later.

If your parents are well off crack on and ask for help paying for the exams but at 24 providing accommodation bills utilies and food IS significant help. in fact its about 50% of most 20 something year old outgoings

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:05

Literally the only person i know who self funded their law school never got a training contract. It had been a complete waste of 10k.

Original poster

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 09:08

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:03

Im confused about your sums.

If its a first degree you should be able to access student finance.

If its the law school part after the degree, you are supposed to get a training contract and the firm pay the law school costs.

If no one was willing to give you a training contract, you've taken a huge risk paying the fees without the employment. If you've agreed to a training contract without them funding your LPC you are a fool, easily parted from your money.

There are too many law students around, the good ones who will survive, are not paying for their LPC themselves.

If you read my post, I'm on a TC. Firm don't pay for any of the exams or the course.

OP posts:

hollysmumma · 20/03/2024 09:09

I would hate to think my daughter felt she was 'sinking'. If she wasn't being extravagant with her spending then I would be happy to help her out.

Original poster

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 09:11

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:05

Literally the only person i know who self funded their law school never got a training contract. It had been a complete waste of 10k.

I'm currently on a training contract

OP posts:

pinkdelight · 20/03/2024 09:12

I'm currently on a training contract

I think their point was that if you're on a training contract, the firm should be paying your course fees?

RedCarWithDice · 20/03/2024 09:13

Can't you apply for a bursary or student loan?

In the meantime please remember this is temporary. You will be earning a lot very soon

PostalPanic · 20/03/2024 09:14

YANBU at all. I am not well-off but always want my children to let me know when they are struggling and I do whatever I can to help. I'm especially concerned that you don't have money to go out with friends. You're young, you need contact with ypur friends regularly as a safety valve, especially in a stressful career.

You sound as if you're managing the money you do have very well and maybe they just assume you are OK?

Original poster

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 09:16

pinkdelight · 20/03/2024 09:12

I'm currently on a training contract

I think their point was that if you're on a training contract, the firm should be paying your course fees?

They don't have to, and they don't.

I have a student loan for the majority of my course but the course is more expensive than the loan (TYPICAL) so I have to make up the shortfall.

I don’t know why but having a loan makes me feel sick to my stomach in a different way to having one from my parents

OP posts:

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:17

As I said - you are a fool for taking a TC that isn't paying your fees. You will likely find they don't have a job for you when the TC ends.

If you are only bringing in 1,300 on a TC they are paying you barely more than min wage. What the hell law firm is this?

Hollyhead · 20/03/2024 09:17

so you’re saving £650 per month towards exams? How long have you been doing this for? How much do you have saved already? It sounds like you’re doing really well. If I were you I’d slow the rate of saving down and see if you can get a small personal loan for whatever you need at the end, or ask your parents.

Vermin · 20/03/2024 09:17

Why aren’t the firm providing you with a laptop? I can understand that some don’t pay exam fees (the tight bastards) but they need to supply you with tools to do the job. Presumably you aren’t tied to them after qualifying which is the silver lining to them not funding you.

Hollyhead · 20/03/2024 09:18

And just to add, having had lots of friends who did law your situation and expenses make total sense to me. Have you got a young persons railcard for any rail travel?

Saymyname28 · 20/03/2024 09:18

YANBU its pretty standard for parents to contribute towards the cost of their kids education. Did you not get any student loans or bursaries?

Original poster

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 09:18

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:17

As I said - you are a fool for taking a TC that isn't paying your fees. You will likely find they don't have a job for you when the TC ends.

If you are only bringing in 1,300 on a TC they are paying you barely more than min wage. What the hell law firm is this?

They do have jobs, it's a small firm who can afford to pay thousands for their multiple trainees. It is what it is. A lot of smaller firms don't pay the costs

OP posts:

Original poster

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 09:18

Hollyhead · 20/03/2024 09:18

And just to add, having had lots of friends who did law your situation and expenses make total sense to me. Have you got a young persons railcard for any rail travel?

Got a rail card, considering asking my parents if they can't contribute to the costs to help me with a season ticket because I feel so lost

OP posts:

Vermin · 20/03/2024 09:19

(Also - are you tied in to the provider? Barbri offer really flexible timings / online / cheaper than the rest and a decent pass rate)

Muddywalks34 · 20/03/2024 09:20

I would absolutely help my daughters out if they were in your situation. It’s short term and you will be earning well soon. If they can’t afford to gift you they money they maybe able to lend you it. I would hate to think my children are struggling and afraid of asking for help. Whether your 5, 25 or 45 you will always be their baby, I am sure they will help you.

SaveMyArchitrave · 20/03/2024 09:20

It's such a shame that you're feeling like a failure. You're doing a very rigorous and time-heavy training for a good career.

It sounds like you have sunk a bit into catastrophic and 'black and white' thinking eg 'if I do x I will fail y'. A decent CBT book could help you be a bit more flexible in your thinking.

Meanwhile, ask them if they would help.
Do you feel that they are proud of you for your efforts to study and work?

Things are so much harder for young people starting out today, studying for a degree, than when your parents were young. There is no comparison really. That is not your fault. Remind yourself of that.

Lollypop701 · 20/03/2024 09:21

I’d help my child in these circumstances in a heartbeat . You are doing great op, you just need a little help and if I were your parent I’d be proud of you

Mrsttcno1 · 20/03/2024 09:23

See I think you would be a bit unreasonable to ask them for money, unless you know they have say 50k sitting in an account doing nothing, because they are already massively subsidising your life by paying all of your living costs & food etc.

Have a look at banks offering loans specifically for things like this, I’m 26 and when I finished uni a few of my friends got loans to fund further exams/study and some banks offer deals for those loans, Halifax was the most popular at the time as it was 0% and no repayments for a fixed amount of time.

Shetlands · 20/03/2024 09:23

If you were my daughter and I could afford it, I'd give you whatever you needed. If I couldn't afford to do that, I'd consider loaning you money.

You should let them know you feel like you're sinking. You're working hard for a better future and wouldn't be so stressed if they could help you.

Octavia64 · 20/03/2024 09:23

You are investing in your career.

Don't feel like a failure - this is tough time but it will not be forever.

Please do ask your parents.

I can't speak for your parents but I would happily help out.

They may not have any money to help out with.

In my younger days which are now very much behind me it was possible to get a career development loan to help pay some of these costs. If your parents cannot help you could consider this.

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:23

Law is very competitive. More people do TCs than there are jobs on qualifying. Far more people do law school than there are jobs.

The best candidates are on funded TCs paying more than twice what you make, and even some of them won't get offered a PQ role at the firm they train at. They will tend to take the PQ roles at firms a rung down, and so on. The people at the bottom who've desperately taken low paid unfunded TCs are often left with nothing.

I would look to move elsewhere and get a funded TC before you sink yourself financially. Have you got a decent academic record - 2.1 from a good university etc?

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