To ask my parents for financial help

[concernedchild]

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

Wrong again! You haven't 'answered'. In some selected cases you've answered the bits you wanted to answer and ignored other points, information has been corrected later, and a comment made that could not be substantiated. Full and frank disclosure?😄

TigBitss · 20/03/2024 08:52
It's £7800 a year for your exams?

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 08:54
They're about £5000 - but I keep having unexpected expenses. My laptop broke, which I need for uni, I'll have to pay for hotels etc (the second set of exams are only in london, Cardiff, Birmingham and Manchester, and there's no guarantee that my first set of exams will be local because the system is messed up) so in total I'll need about that amount for travel to the exams, being in the city for the exams etc., but I don't want to ask my parents for the full amount

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 17:01
@DriftingDora the SQE is very popular and frankly oversubscribed. There is no guarantee I will end up at a test centre within 100 miles of my home.

I was aware of the costs. As I have said multiple times before, I was not aware that the firm I was with would close, and I would be left taking whatever was available to me.

Drifting Dora 20/03/2024 17:11
Doesn't really answer my questions, does it?

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 17:11
@DriftingDora it does. I live in a small town, a train ticket can be £50/£100. I may not be at an exam centre close to my home, so may need hotels etc. the exams are spread over two days (and in two weeks) for the first exam and over 3 days (again spread out over a number of weeks) in the second exam period. That could end up costing me £1000.

Study leave is unpaid, so I will be losing pay for each day of study leave, but still having to find the money for the exams and travel.

You can think I'm trying to swindle my parents out of £5k, but I'm not. I've presented a repayment plan and I'm happy to sign a loan agreement.

You can think I'm trying to swindle my parents out of £5k, but I'm not.

DriftingDora · 20/03/2024 17:25
You can think I'm trying to swindle my parents out of £5k,

Er, where exactly did I say this? Please tell me - but of course you won't be able to, because I didn't. 🙄

If you are training to be a solicitor, you will be asked much more searching questions by the other side, so it might be an idea not to jump to wrong conclusions or put words in people's mouths. That won't end well.

Happy to do so - and have already posted my response to your post accusing me of something I hadn't said.

Oh, so you thought all solicitors were conveyancing solicitors, did you? You really do need to get out more.....

How many more times? This has been answered, keep up, dearie.

Well, now you have. Every day's a learning experience for you (or at least I'd hope so....)😄

@DriftingDora

you have to admit though that it is a very juvenile comment😂😂

You could even find out what it means if you look it up....

You thought all solicitors are cross examined…

Good rule of lawyering OP - you don’t have to engage.

Very fair point. ‘Don’t engage with the loon’ is a message we should all heed.

you have to admit though that it is a very juvenile comment

Of course you are the arbiter in all things. And now I know it upsets you I'll refrain. Right. 😂

@DriftingDora no, it hasn't. I do think you need to take some time off Mumsnet and perhaps go and touch some grass

Oh dear, a nerve has been touched here. Re-checking posts might be good for you? Always a good idea to check your story before throwing Teddy in the corner.

@DriftingDora I asked you to point out where I have been factually incorrect. You haven't. Have a good evening.

Wow, impressive! 😂

Will repeat this in my head whenever a client or the other side starts to get a bit aggy for no reason haha.

If you looked it up, perhaps you could find out that it doesn't mean anything. In any language. Because it's wrong.

I find it incredible how few parents on mumsnet would help their kids!!
my DD will always be welcome at my house… my home will always be her home when needed… if she ever needs money and I’m able to help I would!!
If she was doing a course like yours I’d pay for it if I had the funds… and I’d pay for her to meet friends too if it kept her mentally well!! She’ll never stop being my DD & while I want her to be independent I also want her to always feel she can ask for help!

If you looked it up @DriftingDora you'd find you'd conjugated it incorrectly by leaving the D in.

But every day's a school day, right? 😘

@DriftingDora at a push, perhaps, "comprendriez vous?" Wonder what else you might, just possibly, have been a little too self-assuredly inaccurate about?!?

Honestly some of the comments on this post. It’s not unreasonable for OP to want to be able to enjoy ONE concert, see their friends, or the odd coffee when they are being paid peanuts and spending all their free time studying for a solid career.

OP well done for having your head screwed on at such a young age and please remember this situation is temporary, think of how this will all pay off for you in the long run. Your hard work will set you up for financial stability in your late 20s which is a situation most your age can only dream of.

You are certainly not a failure but you are giving yourself an unnecessarily hard time. Outside of the practical advice, might I suggest you sit down with your parents, money aside, and just talk to them about how much you’re struggling in general. It’s such a stressful time qualifying to become a solicitor and the last thing you need right now is your mental health taking a turn for the worse.

If your friends are local perhaps your parents wouldn’t mind dropping you to see them, or having them come to visit you, covering your travel costs, treating you to the odd afternoon at a coffee shop, paying for little treats like concert tickets for you to look forward to.

Remember these are your parents, you are their child not their lodger and they want nothing more than to see you do well. Be open and honest with them about everything and please don’t feel guilty approaching them, I’m sure it would crush them to know you were struggling on your own.

Best of luck OP.

@olivebranch31

Be open and honest with them about everything and please don’t feel guilty approaching them

She did. Days ago.

So many people don't bother reading anything other than the first post in many MN threads, not even the OP's own posts. 😂

I said "money aside" meaning talk to them about how she's struggling mentally with it all if you'd bothered to read my reply.

You should not feel a failure. You have done brilliantly well to get a TC in difficult circumstances - I agree that lots of smaller firms don’t pay for exams so ignore all the ignorant people questioning that. Honestly it will all be worth it when you qualify. Your income will eventually go up and in reality it’s not that far away. In the meantime, I would ask your parents for help and explain how you feel. I would hate to think my kids were worried about something and not telling me, and most parents will help if they can.

Speaking as a parent - you're fine! Seriously. We want our kids to do well and you sound like you are... just a wee bit of a hill to get past, and that's where we step in. If your parents are ok, so can you be.

You're doing well.