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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask my parents for financial help

589 replies

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 08:47

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

OP posts:
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HungryBeagle · 20/03/2024 09:24

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:05

Literally the only person i know who self funded their law school never got a training contract. It had been a complete waste of 10k.

The OP has said she’s already on a training contract.

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 09:25

Mrsttcno1 · 20/03/2024 09:23

See I think you would be a bit unreasonable to ask them for money, unless you know they have say 50k sitting in an account doing nothing, because they are already massively subsidising your life by paying all of your living costs & food etc.

Have a look at banks offering loans specifically for things like this, I’m 26 and when I finished uni a few of my friends got loans to fund further exams/study and some banks offer deals for those loans, Halifax was the most popular at the time as it was 0% and no repayments for a fixed amount of time.

I know they have substantial amounts of money (£100s of thousands), I really wouldn't ask if they weren't able to afford it

OP posts:
Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:26

If they can't afford to a) pay more than min wage b) fund training are they actually going to be good place to work?

So many people are so desperate to get into law they don't face reality about this stuff.

serin · 20/03/2024 09:26

You are not a failure and I hope that in a few short years, your investment now will be paying for itself handsomely.

I have 3 DC who are young adults and are just establishing themselves in their careers. I ask them how they are financially and offer help where we can. I've always stressed that they can come to us if there is an issue.

Ask your parents, they can only say no.

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 09:26

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:23

Law is very competitive. More people do TCs than there are jobs on qualifying. Far more people do law school than there are jobs.

The best candidates are on funded TCs paying more than twice what you make, and even some of them won't get offered a PQ role at the firm they train at. They will tend to take the PQ roles at firms a rung down, and so on. The people at the bottom who've desperately taken low paid unfunded TCs are often left with nothing.

I would look to move elsewhere and get a funded TC before you sink yourself financially. Have you got a decent academic record - 2.1 from a good university etc?

Yeah I know they are and I know I'm failing for being on this TC, I was at another firm where I was offered one and they closed. I had no vac schemes etc., because I had been working at this firm since the age of 13, they were the reason I wanted to go into law. When it closed I had to find everything I could take

OP posts:
Thomasina79 · 20/03/2024 09:28

I think it depends on your parents finances, can they afford it? They already help you out a lot. I agree that a loan request is better, to be paid back when you are earning. Your future wages will be quite high.

ForestBather · 20/03/2024 09:29

What are the 'other savings'? Other savings might be a luxury you can't afford right now.

If your parents have as much money as you say (100s of 1000s), then of course you should ask for help with 5000 towards finishing up your training. That's a drop in the bucket if they have that kind of money and likely they would want to help.

Even if they couldn't, they might be able to help partially or with travel to exams.

I'd hate it if my child couldn't ask.

HungryBeagle · 20/03/2024 09:29

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 09:26

Yeah I know they are and I know I'm failing for being on this TC, I was at another firm where I was offered one and they closed. I had no vac schemes etc., because I had been working at this firm since the age of 13, they were the reason I wanted to go into law. When it closed I had to find everything I could take

Show quote history

You’re not failing! You’re working hard to get where you want to be. The pain is short term. Certainly ask your parents for a loan to cover your exams, the worst they can do is say no.

LisaD1 · 20/03/2024 09:29

My eldest daughter is your age. I’d be heartbroken to find out she was struggling and didn’t ask me to help. Ask your parents.

i would also take the student loan though, and speak to your employer, could they loan you the exams money and work out a repayment when you qualify? Have you spoken to HR? Maybe they have some training budget they could use or even just fund your travel?

don’t struggle alone,
reach out for help and good luck.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/03/2024 09:29

If you're doing accountancy or law exams so you know you'll have a big salary soon ish could you take out a private student loan to help you?
Or sign up to a babysitter app and spend every other weekend doing that to fund nights out on the non working weekends?

Callingallbutterflies · 20/03/2024 09:30

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:05

Literally the only person i know who self funded their law school never got a training contract. It had been a complete waste of 10k.

I went to College of Law to do my LPC, quite a lot of us did not have training contracts and were self funding. I have had a successful legal career and so have friends that were self funders. It is great that OP has a training contract but not so great that they don't pay fees.

OP I coped by using loans and overdraft and asking my grandparent to help. Which they did. Sometimes you just have to ask your family. At least then you know the answer either way and can plan your next move. Once you are qualified your finances will improve rapidly.

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 09:30

ForestBather · 20/03/2024 09:29

What are the 'other savings'? Other savings might be a luxury you can't afford right now.

If your parents have as much money as you say (100s of 1000s), then of course you should ask for help with 5000 towards finishing up your training. That's a drop in the bucket if they have that kind of money and likely they would want to help.

Even if they couldn't, they might be able to help partially or with travel to exams.

I'd hate it if my child couldn't ask.

Mainly for plans I made for this summer before I had to take a pay cut. I know they're "luxuries" but they're also plans that I've had for over a year that are the only thing keeping me going at the moment. If I had to cancel them I'd be completely gutted, because I'd have nothing to look forward to

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/03/2024 09:31

Just seen it's law! I would definitely do a loan right either privately or from parents if that's an option

ForestBather · 20/03/2024 09:31

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 09:30

Mainly for plans I made for this summer before I had to take a pay cut. I know they're "luxuries" but they're also plans that I've had for over a year that are the only thing keeping me going at the moment. If I had to cancel them I'd be completely gutted, because I'd have nothing to look forward to

Show quote history

As harsh as it is, you may have to forgo holidays until you have qualified. It won't take long for you to be able to go on holiday again. Qualifying is so close for you. You can still look forward to your plans, maybe just a year later.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/03/2024 09:31

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:17

As I said - you are a fool for taking a TC that isn't paying your fees. You will likely find they don't have a job for you when the TC ends.

If you are only bringing in 1,300 on a TC they are paying you barely more than min wage. What the hell law firm is this?

She's not a fool that's so rude. She's done well getting on any tc. She will get a qualification then get to work anywhere she likes!

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:32

You are not failing. You've panicked but you don't have to bankrupt yourself. Recognising a choice wasn't great and moving on from it is a life lesson.

Get a better paid temp job as a stop gap. Defer your training and apply for a better TC elsewhere - even if it takes a couple of extra years it will pay off long term. A TC at a badly paid poorly regarded sweatshop on your CV won't open doors to a better firm.

If you are determined to get law school finished, get a loan but try to move firm asap.

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 09:32

@ForestBather it's not holidays, it's a concert. As harsh as it is, if I had to cancel those plans I'd see no point in continuing anything. I'm already working myself to the bone and if I didn't have those breaks planned I don’t know what I'd do

OP posts:
HungryBeagle · 20/03/2024 09:33

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:17

As I said - you are a fool for taking a TC that isn't paying your fees. You will likely find they don't have a job for you when the TC ends.

If you are only bringing in 1,300 on a TC they are paying you barely more than min wage. What the hell law firm is this?

Rude.

pickledandpuzzled · 20/03/2024 09:33

Talk to them. Ask if you can get a season ticket for your birthday or something. Open the conversation.

Do they understand how tight things are? They may not if they see you with a new laptop.

I am probably the same age as your parents. We didn’t have mobiles, coffee that cost £3 a cup etc. some of us still think like that and simply won’t have noticed you are struggling because we had nothing spare and it was the norm.

I’m not undermining your experience- I believe you are in genuine hardship. They may not recognise that if you haven’t told them how stressed you are about it.

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:34

Its not rude, its honest. I don't think it helps op to waste any more of her time or money on a path with a poor likelihood of a good outcome.

GinForBreakfast · 20/03/2024 09:35

If you were my daughter I'd help you in a second. You're not failing, you've had a run of bad luck and are being exceptionally hard on yourself.

Sounds like you have a tough few months ahead of you. Dig in and get through it, you'll reap the rewards. But do sit down with your parents and have an honest conversation about your finances with your parents, with no expectations and see what they offer.

I've had trainee solicitor friends who had to work in bars at weekends to make ends meet. They are absolutely flying now but it's a brutal profession at the start.

Please don't give up!

Hollyhead · 20/03/2024 09:37

How much have you saved already? And when are the exam fees payable?

HungryBeagle · 20/03/2024 09:38

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:34

Its not rude, its honest. I don't think it helps op to waste any more of her time or money on a path with a poor likelihood of a good outcome.

Pointing that out if fine. Calling her a fool is rude.

titchy · 20/03/2024 09:38

Why are they only paying NMW?

ForestBather · 20/03/2024 09:38

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 09:32

@ForestBather it's not holidays, it's a concert. As harsh as it is, if I had to cancel those plans I'd see no point in continuing anything. I'm already working myself to the bone and if I didn't have those breaks planned I don’t know what I'd do

Is the concert ticket something you can ask for from your parents for Christmas or birthday? A concert ticket can't be that expensive. Yes, you need things to look forward to, but there are times when we have to choose other things we can afford. Focus on the long term because you're almost there, then you'll have the freedom to do a lot of things you want to do.

I'd ask your parents. If they have as much money as you think, likely they wouldn't hesitate to help out. They may want to have a conversation and review of your finances but I don't know, none of us want our children to struggle. I've brought my child concert tickets before just to cheer them up when they were going through a hard time.