To ask my parents for financial help

[concernedchild]

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

Proud of you. You’ve got this!

My daughter is at uni and I’m helping her through. Im not minted but what’s mine is theirs.

so pleased you spoke to your parents. Best of luck with the exams.

We’ve financially helped one of our sons through Uni, he’s going on to do a PhD (all being well) and we’ll help him if needed too.
it’s been tough financially for our family, he’s studied hard, done well and hopefully at some point in the future he’ll get a job that he loves and it pays well 🤞
Our other son went down the apprenticeship route, ended up with a job, he still lives at home , saving for his next step
I would speak to your parents, not sure many parents would want to see their child stressed, hoping it all works out for you.

Skimmed over the responses but such harshness in some.

They are your parents. Absolutely ask them for money if you need it. I'd be giving it to you without batting an eyelid if you were my daughter.

If you can't ask your parents for help when you need it who else should be relying on? You're family. They are your parents.

They may say no but if they did (and because you mention they have hundreds of thousands in the bank) it's them I'd be judging, not you. Very mean of them and you have every right to be upset.

Through my work, I’ve known scores of people who have done the LPC and all were self-funded, none of them fools.

Please talk to your parents and explain your position. Only you know whether they are a) in a position to and b) are likely to help you out. I have helped my three children out in different ways; one lived at home rent free until she got a good job, I paid another daughter’s masters course fees and helped out the boy on a constant drip arrangement 🤣 But.. I do know that I would have hated them not to have been able to talk to me about it. They didn’t ask, I offered the suggestions when we talked it through. Their dad had done a runner and contributed nothing.

I've just read your thread and am so pleased your parents offered to help you!

You're doing so well to work so hard and they must be extremely proud of you. Good luck with your exams, in a couple of years they will feel like a distant memory

What exams only cost £5000?

and
hqve you looked at all benefits you’re entitled to?

and
have you put your situation to work (especially if they’ll benefit form your exams/qualification) and actually negotiated for a pay rise ? Women particularly are bad at negotiating- pull the information together and a business case for the rise based on what you bring/will bring to the company. The worst that can happen, even if it’s not pay awardmtimemcisnformthem to say no, and at least then they’ll have realised you’re not happy with the pay.

and
can your parents even afford this? They’ll have spent a lot of their own money paying you through university, they’re still subsidising your living expenses…are you going to leave the, short for pensions etc. you have rest of your life at high paying job (well it better bloody well be at £5k a pop for just exams!) to grow your salary and wealth. They’re likely to be in 50s I assume and needing to seriously be shovelling loads into pensions now. Their wages won’t go up as fast of yours form now on, and they’ll also be trying to actually live a life they’ve worked so hard for having got you “off their hands”. Most parents will want to help , but it will come at a cost, more than hte money itself, for them and their own futures.

and

I bloody hope this post grad training and exam is worth it financially - if it isn’t, STOP wasting m9ney chasing a dream and start working seriously to a job where you can support yourself as an independent adult.

and

Read the whole thread, or at least the OPs comments, and you will see all of those questions answered, and the conclusion to this issue!

I can understand your phone as a. Expenditure but can never understand why anyone who is struggling in any shape pays for Spotify, you can have a free account and don't even fit that much form paying barring a few adverts and the ability to shuffle music. That's £130 a year as it is. Total waste. Even if my parents could afford dot od refuse to ask put of pride. You don't have to go out on weekends or go to concerts to enjoy yourself find a free hobby one you can afford. It's a short term situation until you are qualified so cut back accept the sacrifices you have to make and get on with it. Why put this on your parents. Sound like they are finding your lifestyle enough as it is.

I can see this has been resolved now but I just wanted to say - please whatever you do, get that professional qualification. There is a world of difference between a “profession” and a “job”, and once you have qualified no one can ever take that away from you. If you give up now you are likely to regret it in later life. Good luck and all the best

This was me 12 years ago, albeit I wasn’t living at home. I had nothing at the end of the month. I was living in a horrible room in a shared flat, hand to mouth every week and had to resort to doing medical studies at my uni - usually sitting in an MRI scanner for an hour while doing different puzzles - to be able to afford my weekly shop. I had to skip socialising, nights out, uni end of term ball, etc. I too felt like a failure especially as other friends had it to easy and would get help from parents. My parents wouldn’t support me. But I always remembered what it was I was working towards and that things would eventually get better, and they did. Yes it’s tough now but try to keep your eyes focused on where you’re going, not where you are. If you need help, ask. One day, when you’re a successful solicitor, you can repay them - with interest. Don’t suffer in silence and don’t beat yourself up. You have self pride and a strong work ethic; that will take you far and you’ll look back on this time with pride in how you got through it. I’m sure your parents are proud of you.

I hope you told your parents how much you tortured yourself over this... Sounds like you need to talk through why you feel like this when they can easily help and are happy to do so? Do they even now understand just how strapped for cash you are? Maybe show them this conversation?

@concernedchild if you can, get some assertiveness training & some CBT techniques & some centering/stress-release practice worked in over the next 18 months as well if you can!

The mountain you built out of this molehill is not good for your health or your attitude towards the exams.

You will have to ask for pay rises & take loans for other things in future...self-belief is key to knowing you have the ability to pay back in future. Investing wisely in your future career is worth doing.

Give yourself the head space to do WELL in your exams and to know what you're worth & not sell yourself short to employers in future either!

Sounds like your Dad is a decent guy. Maybe have some more grown up conversations about financial planning & how to bolster your confidence so you don't end up languishing in a dead end practice working yourself to the bone for basically minimum wage in future...

CBT. You're NOT sinking, you wouldn't be better at a supermarket, you got what you needed for less than the prep you'd put into it - once you stumped up the confidence to ask. Work on the confidence more so you don't leave it until you feeling like you're in a dead end before asking next time - whatever next time is (not money from your parents, your next tough situation to confront!). Having the confidence to tackle these things early will reduce your stress by the bucketload so you can perform better in EVERYTHING you take on.

Practice confidence!

Good luck

@Dartwarbler the SQE examinations. I am not entitled to any benefits.

Putting it quite simply my parents are rich. Their net worth is above £1million. They have pensions that pay them monthly what I earn in about 6 months. If they couldn't afford it I wouldn't ask.

I don’t know but the number of people assuming I am just freeloading off my parents is starting to wind me up

If your parents have hundreds of thousands in accessible savings then I think it would be very odd indeed for them not to be willing to help you with this. My parents and wider family had no such savings but willingly did all they could to help me qualify a very long time ago, both at uni and at bar school.

If it's likely that they'll be leaving some of those savings to you then politely explain that now is when you need the help.

People have given you a very hard time about being on a TC with a firm that doesn't pay for your exams, but that's how it is. You're working hard and planning, and if you continue to do that you'll get there in the end. You're also entitled to,look forward to attending a concert in the summer as a reward for all that hard work 😳

Good luck, and keep at it. Hopefully your parents will do the ordinarily decent thing and help you financially.

I’m so glad your parents have helped. I found myself in terrible financial trouble when I was studying whilst working. I had my own place, worked 6 days and had exams to do. My company didn’t pay for my exams either. It feels horrible and relentless. Everything changed when I qualified but those early days were horrible. I would help my DC, I wouldn’t want them to suffer like I did if I had money available. Your parents sound lovely.

So many people on here clearly have only worked at top end law firms :/ The way you are doing it is fine. I did it the same as you and built my way up. Ended up exactly where I wanted to be (and better). Ignore the comments here from those people! Your parents are in a position to help and honestly I can’t imagine them saying no and I would be amazed if they wanted you to repay the money. You sound like a great daughter (don’t know why I think you’re female sorry if wrong) and in the future there are more important ways to repay them. Don’t struggle now if you don’t have to.

Forget the begrudgers. You are a very sensible person working very hard. Your parents must be so proud of you. Well done😀

I’ve worked at places where trainees or older employees who were qualifying had to pay for their own qualifying exams. I always thought it was unfair.

Hang in there. It will all be worth it when you’re qualified and have been working a few years. Ask your parents for help - I would happily help my daughter. You are in no way a failure. After years of study and doing a training contract no one can expect you to be making much. You are expecting too much of yourself. You’re doing well and in a couple of years the tough times will be behind you.

I am female!

They've said we'll "sort repayment after I've qualified". So seeing as that's 18 months to 2 years away, I'd imagine they're going to end up writing it off

I think it is really odd that your wealthy parents hadn't offered to fund your education earlier.

Are your parents graduates themselves ?

I recall a similar thread a few tears ago and remember thinking how odd those parents must be to have not asked if their child needs anything.

Set up a GoFundMe account and send us the link. We’ll all send you $10!

I think you’re being very short sighted and hard on yourself- life isn’t a race - at the moment you feel “ behind” your friends- but when the slog is over and you’ve qualified, you will be far better paid than most of them. I’m sure if your parents realised you were struggling they would want to help you if they could. It sounds like you are feeling bogged down by studying and a run of bad luck- but fortunes change and this won’t last forever. Be honest with your parents and also possibly ask for a raise at work ? I’m sure they are benefiting from your extra studying/ knowledge.