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Original poster

To ask my parents for financial help

589 replies

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 08:47

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

OP posts:
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Original poster
concernedchild · 21/03/2024 11:35

@Silvers11 also just for more proof (because apparently I'd be sad enough to lie about this on Mumsnet of all places), the spreadsheet I made yesterday at 11:22 when I'd worked up the courage to ask them, and edited at lunch.

I'd been thinking about it for a long time, but felt bad for asking

To ask my parents for financial help
OP posts:
HungryBeagle · 21/03/2024 11:37

You don’t have to justify yourself to a random who has nothing better to do than pick holes in your story @concernedchild . I’m glad you sorted it.

Silvers11 · 21/03/2024 11:41

concernedchild · 21/03/2024 11:27

@Silvers11 you can also see from the screenshot of the points I had that I had been editing it on my way home, at 6:25 :)

Ok - My apologies - timing just didn't look right with the speech you said you'd made, but I accept I got it wrong and I'm sorry I misread the situation - and I AM pleased for you that your parents have been so helpful. Hope your exams all go well

Original poster
concernedchild · 21/03/2024 12:00

@Silvers11 no worries!

OP posts:
BusyWorkingWifeMum · 21/03/2024 12:20

A training contract should include cost of study and exams - that’s the whole point of the reduced salary training contract - those costs form part of your overall package. I’d seriously question your current contract and look elsewhere for better terms and conditions. I’m professionally qualified (although not in law) and the MONTHLY costs your stating for study/exams do seem excessive. Can you access student finance?

XelaM · 21/03/2024 12:34

BusyWorkingWifeMum · 21/03/2024 12:20

A training contract should include cost of study and exams - that’s the whole point of the reduced salary training contract - those costs form part of your overall package. I’d seriously question your current contract and look elsewhere for better terms and conditions. I’m professionally qualified (although not in law) and the MONTHLY costs your stating for study/exams do seem excessive. Can you access student finance?

🙄you clearly have no knowledge about Legal Aid firms or high street firms in general, so why give wrong information?

I actually lectured at one of the main LPC providers and the absolute vast majority of LPCs are self-funded. It's extremely difficult to get a TC with a firm that will provide funding. People accept the rubbish pay to qualify as Solicitors. Then the earning potential increases exponentially. It's worth the few years of hardship.

Original poster
concernedchild · 21/03/2024 12:49

BusyWorkingWifeMum · 21/03/2024 12:20

A training contract should include cost of study and exams - that’s the whole point of the reduced salary training contract - those costs form part of your overall package. I’d seriously question your current contract and look elsewhere for better terms and conditions. I’m professionally qualified (although not in law) and the MONTHLY costs your stating for study/exams do seem excessive. Can you access student finance?

Well you're just wrong? Outside of big law most places don't cover it because it's too expensive.

OP posts:
EW671 · 21/03/2024 13:31

ok first things first OP please ignore some of the downright outrageously rude responses you have received on this thread.

It is of course not the ideal to have a non funded TC but that does NOT make you a failure. In any degree. Law is a very competitive area and you have secured a TC which in itself is a huge achievement. You are not a failure

I have seen your updates - I’m so glad it’s worked out for you. I needed my parents help to get to qualification too. I had some funded elements and some non funded and it’s a huge expense because I had to do the conversion course.

You sound determined and resilient - perfect qualities in a solicitor and I have no doubt you’re going to qualify. Keep on down the path - I finally qualified 2 years ago and it’s the best feeling in the world.

also, financially you’ll find your salary goes up exponentially when you qualify. It’s a real freedom!

one thing I would say is you’ve sold yourself short on the TC - put that behind you. You have to do what you have to do to qualify. Don’t sell yourself short on your NQ job and don’t stay put if they’re not paying you decent market rates.

when you’re coming up qualification, c. 6 months before get in touch with a good legal recruiter. Spend time talking to them and do a market map with them. They are the best way to secure an NQ job at a good firm with a good salary.

keep smiling through it - you got this 💪

Notchangingnameagain · 21/03/2024 13:52

@concernedchild If you were my child, I would be exceptionally proud. Good Luck with your exams and all the best, for what I think will be an amazing future.

Mnexample · 21/03/2024 14:35

So glad they gifted to you OP . Like to wish you good luck with qualifying and with obtaining your first NQ job . You’ve got some great advice from real life solicitors on this thread . I’d move away from it now though , some of the comments you are receiving are just unnecessary and don’t need an answer

OtsyBotsy90 · 21/03/2024 14:50

YANBU to ask for help! If you’re not brave enough to ask you don’t get.

This is the hardest time of your life but you’ll get through it. Once you’re qualified you’ll be so proud of yourself and future you will thank you for it.

Its tough now but it won’t always be. Keep going. You can do this. 💪

SurreyisSunny · 21/03/2024 16:16

I’d put together a spreadsheet and go through it with them. I’m sure they won’t want to see you get into debt.

I remember when I got my first main job after uni and I ended up taking out a 0% credit card which I couldn’t afford to repay; my mum had to help. It’s super hard for a couple years.

So many training contracts include payment for studies so a shame yours doesn’t

bonzaitree · 21/03/2024 16:17

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:17

As I said - you are a fool for taking a TC that isn't paying your fees. You will likely find they don't have a job for you when the TC ends.

If you are only bringing in 1,300 on a TC they are paying you barely more than min wage. What the hell law firm is this?

You’re clearly completely out of touch.

There is very high demand for training contracts so they typically won’t pay fees or a decent salary.

Skyelils · 21/03/2024 18:05

Can’t you get a student loan?

Naftytafy · 21/03/2024 18:12

You're great! Keep going and get your degree and your qualifications- once you have them they can never be taken away from you. Keep your end in mind and you'll be fab! Just keep going! :)

lemming40 · 21/03/2024 18:12

There's nothing wrong with asking for help. Stay strong and keep it up for another 18 months and you should see a big pay increase? And you won't be forking out the money for the uni fees.

pineapplesundae · 21/03/2024 18:16

If you were my daughter I’d gladly help you out with a small allowance. You’re working very hard towards your goals and you live modestly. I would want you to have a little bit of fun/down time layered in. Have a heart to heart with your parents. Good luck to you.

Thebookloverssanctuary · 21/03/2024 18:17

Not unreasonable to ask... I felt a bit crappie asking my dad for.money for a house deposit recently (didn't know brother had had a handout during lockdown...).

I have to be honest, though: some of the wording in your original post makes me concerned for you... Dont take this the wrong way, but have you considered speaking to the Dr re counselling? Feeling like a failure... sinking... don't see a point in anything... I just can't do it anymore. Take care of yourself, friend

OldPerson · 21/03/2024 18:23

This is exactly the time you sit down with your mum and dad. They love you more than any other person on the planet. Request a meeting to discuss your budget planning. Get all your paperwork and bills in order. Ask their advice. But why are you not eligible for a loan for your exams or uni? Uni should be able to offer financial advice? Why are your ongoing exams so expensive?

hcee19 · 21/03/2024 18:24

If l was your parent l would definately help you out. I wouldn't like your mental health being affected to lack of funds. Please ask, the worst they can say is no, if they do not want to help, please, l ask you reassess, you employment. I understand you may say, it isn't that easy, but health has always got to be the top priority. I hope you get what you are hoping for, l really do .

CagneyAndLazy · 21/03/2024 18:24

Why don't people RTFT, or at least the OP's posts?

emmab16 · 21/03/2024 18:29

I’m so pleased for you x

OhcantthInkofaname · 21/03/2024 18:41

By the time you are 26 this will all be over. But at least talk with your parents about this.

gingeyP · 21/03/2024 18:47

Sending you a big hug! I self-financed uni,
paid housekeeping to my parents and received zero financial help. I’ve been exactly where you are and it’s really difficult. Please ask your parents for help: you won’t know the answer if you don’t! Please PLEASE don’t quit your course. I know you probably feel like you’re missing out on your twenties (that’s how I felt) but it will be so worth it when you’re in your thirties and you have a solid income from a career you love. And when you’re in your forties, and you perhaps have a family of your own, you’ll be so grateful for this lesson in resilience when you experience moments of financial hardship. Hang in there! It will all be worth it in the end. x

Shabzzz · 21/03/2024 19:01

They are your parents. Please speak to them and I'm sure you could reach some kind of a solution to your issues. I'm sure they'd rather you talk to them than develop low mental health due to this.