To ask my parents for financial help

[concernedchild]

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

I assume you mean 'not gong to write off'?
I'm amazed that you couldn't just ask a while ago, knowing your parents are well-off, do you not feel close to your parents? I would have asked straight off but also if I lived with my parents at that age, they would have asked me about my daily life / would have noticed I don't go out, can't see friends etc. Hopefully this will actually bring you all closer emotionally. You not even asking for a gift, just a loan.

I don't think it is about pride. I think she just don't want to be a burden for her parents (which me as a parent would never think of my child and will always be ready to help). Maybe their situation is not that good or she just want them to be proud of her of doing it herself.
But like I said - as a parent I would want to know, so I could help my child.

No, neither of them had degrees.

They had noticed I wasn't going out, wasn't shopping for myself etc., but they didn't want to offer as they knew I was too proud to take it and I would've said no. They waited for me to come to them

@CatAndHisKit from talking to them it's coming off that they don't expect me to pay it back, but that's a bridge we'll cross when I qualify

I really don’t think you need to explain yourself / your situation to people any further

Really happy it’s worked out OP.

Sorry so many of the messages on here were cynical and unsupportive.

I think young people now have it so tough financially - university debt, housing crisis, the massive difference between earnings and house prices etc. I make sure I don’t take it for granted that I had it easier with free uni education and cheaper housing when I was in my mid 20s (I know this wasn’t universal for my generation but I know I personally was very lucky) and would be keen to support my children if they were in a similar situation to yours.

Good luck with your future career and treat yourself to a coffee!

Have you contacted the Law Society? https://www.lawsociety.org.uk/contact-or-visit-us/helplines it is for solicitors but as you are taking professional exams they may be able to help you. It is unclear if your employer is a law firm or not but they may financial incentives for them to assist you - e.g. they may be able to give you an interest free loan for the costs of the exams which is taken out of your salary so more tax effective for you. If the Law Society cannot help (I am sure they will be able to offer some guidance) then maybe a call here can suggest guidance https://www.debtadvicefoundation.org/questions/student-debt/?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw2PSvBhDjARIsAKc2cgMkKLK4GzQUOiE_3Yi9z1dM0m87Ek7t-z_H1hvpzh5uVFUk6PWqig4aAhx7EALw_wcB

OP - read through all of your posts & you seem lovely, as do you parents! I'm so pleased that they stepped up the moment you asked.

I honestly think you need to sit with yourself a moment & work out why you felt so worried & stressed about asking for support from people who are so willing to give it to you. Why you feel such a failure when you're working SO HARD to achieve what you want! To be that driven is admirable but you seem so low on yourself & I honestly feel oddly emotional having read everything you've written, like you need some arms to reach through the screen & give you a huge hug & tell you to have some more confidence in yourself! You're doing brilliantly!

Your parents will clearly do whatever is needed to support you & you're obviously not remotely entitled. I suspect that even if they didn't have the money they'd find some way & that's wholesome AF. That's where your privilege lies, not the access to money.

Go easy on yourself, take a breath & be proud. Treasure your mum & dad & good luck getting beyond all this & being able to look back on it all & being able to say 'well shit! I only went & did it 🎉'

Personally I think you need to ask for a pay increase. That is obscene that they are paying you such a low salary AND expecting you to pay for the exams. I perhaps am very fortunate that I am doing this later in life with an inhouse firm but my take home pay is substantially more (over double) than yours and my exams are funded. They are absolutely getting you too cheaply and it's not acceptable. If you were not living at home no one could live on this and pay the exams.

Yes the training contract is an opportunity but this is really absolutely taking the mick.

Have you considered gaining your qualifying work experience elsewhere? You can do it in a variety of settings many of which I've no doubt would pay you a decent salary. From what I can see the benefits of this training contract are wildly offset by the fact they aren't paying for your exams.

Sorry you are in this position. It really angers me there are firms doing this.

Ask your parents for help. You can pay them back later. Many people get parental help. You'll find out later in life that many people have had help onto the housing ladder, first job, qualifications etc using bank of Mum and Dad. Many people often get this help and won't ever mention it.

Sorry so many of the messages on here were cynical and unsupportive.

This is not wholly true. People were legitimately asking questions that were relevant and needed for clarification, and some important bits were not stated in the original post. And as far as the response I received from the OP is concerned, it was defensive and factually incorrect based on no evidence whatsoever - not a good look if you are aiming to become a solicitor, nor is losing your rag so easily. I pointed this out and have received no response.

I've said this before but the OP will face much tougher questioning from the other side when she qualifies and is representing a client. Fact. People don't just read what someone's written on here and agree with them, you know!

@DriftingDora please point out where what I said was factually incorrect? It wasn't.

Could you not be arsed to even read the OP's posts?

She doesn't have to reply to you at all. This is a message board, not a court of law.

You can't do any harm in asking. If they say no look at other options.

I'm not studying law but I was in a similar position as I am finishing my masters in social work. The first year my parents had to help me with my living costs as I was in uni 2 days a week, placement 3 days a week, working one day a week, and doing coursework on the last day. I managed to receive a bursary but that meant I couldn't take a loan and the bursary amount didn't cover the fees (even with a 10% discount which I had!)

My outgoings were huge as I had fees, petrol, car, business insurance and that didn't even include any of my books or tools or food etc. I was also living with my parents for the first year as well whilst we were decorating our flat.

I was really grateful and I'm now 6 months off qualifying after 2 years. Even when I qualify I won't be earning thousands of pounds but it's my passion and my parents wanted to support me.

It is SO hard to pursue a career sometimes but there is no shame in asking for help. No matter how hard it is.

Congratulations on pursing your career and having a training contract. I hope it works out for you!

I think you watch too many TV dramas.

I'm a Solicitor (in dispute resolution) and I'm not being cross-examined by anyone on any regular basis😂

Some people have a very distorted (and quite frankly incorrect) view of what solicitors do (even in contentious areas).

I do find it funny that @DriftingDora hasn't come back with examples of where I've been "factually incorrect"

It made me laugh too. The thought of a conveyancing solicitor (for example) being aggressively cross examined on a regular basis.

Hmmm... you have a point...

Solicitor 1: "It is an irrefutable fact, is it not, that my client was reasonably expecting the flowery 1970s curtains in the downstairs cloakroom to be included in the sale?"

Solicitor 2: "Objection! It has not yet been established in which decade said flowery curtains were purchased!"

Presumably in this scenario the judge has a gavel too?

Teddy is in the corner! 😅 If you want people to offer advice it's preferable to give factual information at the beginning. And not replying when asked a question rather speaks for itself.

And not all people on here who SAY they are solicitors actually are - comprendez vous?😄

@DriftingDora I've answered you and you've ignored me!!

@DriftingDora

not heard anyone over the age of 10 say comprendez vous in a very long time

LOL at comprendez vous!