Grey area of group holiday finances

[Lalalalala555]

Hey.
Looking to see what is considered 'fair' from external perspective.

Ive gota holiday cottage booked for three nights. Fr Sa Su.
Invited friends (two couples).
It sleeps 6.
So theres me and my partner, and then two other couples invited.

We posted in a group chat saying how much it would be each if they wanted to come.
We have done it so that its a set amount, as the cost of the cottage is fixed as booked already and non refundable.

We said it would be 110 each for them.
For my partner and i we decided we would pay a bit more (124).

After posting in the group, one of the other couples want to pay less as they dont want to stay the third night.
They want to pay 2/3 of the cost of 1/6 of the total (if that makes sense).

Its tricky for what is fair. As if they pay 80 instead each, then it means its 200+ each for my partner and I.

Its this wanting to pay for how much someone will be present at the property vs there is already a fixed cost.

Obviously it benefits them to pay less. And us if they pay more.

I don't feel its entirely fair that we would have to pay 3* the amount they pay, for choosing to stay an extra night.
They also will benefit from not having to check out at 10am on the Sunday, which would be the case should the cottage have been booked fri and sat only.

There was no clear consultation in making the booking, we did it after having had a few casual chats about the weekend but not with group consensus. As we are attending an event and the local accommodation had sold out. This one place came up months after so we just booked it.
Hence why we offered it for being cheaper for them.
We didnt know how long they would stay, but they had the option to decide what works best.

Thanks!

Are all 6 of you still going to the event?

It was always going to go downhill from there. Kiss the ground & praise the stars for having avoided a stressful weekend of counting tea bags / measuring milk / weighing coffee granules ….

Yes it's tricky. I know one of them has a very well paid job (ie over twice my salary before bonus). And the other earns more than i do.
But then theyre outgoings and expenses and living costs and just general choices on what they spend money on will be different to me.

So even if i know they earn a lot, after what they choose to allocate money to. They may not be either able or willing to pay for stuff like this.
Its just different people have different ways of living and views. And i respect that.

I am not okay with subsidising a trip away to the extent i will feel bitter.
And they're not okay to pay 100pp for 3 nights away.
Fair enough. They are not willing to come unless its 80pp.

...
The thing im not sure about is should i/we stomach the cost to keep peace and so my partner can spend time with his family.
But I do think they can afford it.
And i do think this is a choice for them. Rather than they simply cant afford it.
They choose not to afford it.

That is a very good point.
I just want to relax and have fun.
:)

I think with some people once they know you are on the hook for a cost their approach is that anything they offer to subsidise that is better than nothing so you should probably just accept it and be grateful!

It is a CF mentality.

To add to previous post, if you do bite the bullet I would be insisting that they leave the cottage at 10am on Sunday as that's what they have paid for.

You sound lovely, OP.

I think this poster is just being mean.

I don't know if the other couple can come.
I hope so because theyre really nice! Maybe they will get the train and we can pick them up from somewhere.
We live at complete opposite ends of the country otherwise we'd do a detour but itd be a 12hr round trip to get them and then to the place. Its about 5hrs from them and from us.
Hope they are keen to come and we can find a way to get them there. :)

I cant cancel the break, and I don't want to because it will be really nice to have a little trip away. And ive been looking forward to it for months although only sorted somewhere to stay in the last month.
And if it works out more expensive, i knew it was a risk, but will just cut back to make up for it for a while. :)

Yeah. I might be able to get other friends to stay. Ive got lots of lovely friends so maybe someone would be keen for a trip.

Yeah, i know the wise move of agreeing on somewhere first and getting everyone to say yes and cough up.
Unfortunately it was a time sensitive thing ie i think it would have sold out before everyone had come back and said yes or no.
It wasnt a ridiculously expensive place to stay, and everyone works had good jobs and no kids. And had talked about the trip. So in theory was reasonable chance it would work out and reasonable price.

It will be okay in the end. :)
Im still going on a trip.
Just worried about family dynamics.
But hopefully people are nice.

Is cf= c f
And are you saying that about my approach or theirs?
Sorry im just confused.

I hate this kind of thing. It's a flat rate, should be equally divided. I bet they're the kind of people that quibble over splitting bills in a restaurant as they only had a lettuce leaf and a crust.

Aw thanks. Yay for niceness.

I hope im nice.
Im trying to be nice.
Im trying to be nice, reasonable, not get taken advantage of.
But equally understand if im actually being unreasonable or not being nice.

And also avoid drama.

I'd rather be called out on here and then be able to ammend my views /behaviour if they're actually inconsiderate.
Than carry forward thinking im being nice and then causing chaos and upsetting people with a tornado of ignorance.

I bet they're the kind of people that quibble over splitting bills in a restaurant as they only had a lettuce leaf and a crust.

If I’d only had a lettuce leaf I wouldn’t be subbing someone’s steak and cocktails.

Yep sometimes. But they can be very very scrimpy or flat out extravagant.
I think when it comes to family or I'm still working it out.
Because they like to be seen to be generous.
But it is confusing for me this time because id see it as 'family' as theyd spend time with my partner for the weekend. Ie their family.

Its just down to values.

I know theyre not poor.
I know their incomes are considerably more than mine and my partners.

If it was the case that they were struggling, then it's different because i dont know. I would want to put someone in a situation where they couldn't afford to come. And felt awkward saying no because if it.
Tbh i think id pay or subside things.

Its when you know that its a choice
Then its up to both parties to have the rights to yes and no.
:)

Also good point.
Do you think thats whats going on here or just making the point that it is important to evaluate situations to be fair. And bill splitting isnt always fair.

I think you’ve dodged a bullet by then not coming. I hope the other couple can come and you can find someone else to take the other room.

What’s the event? Are they now not going to the event ?

You were wrong to book without definite yes for all details. However it could be sorted out easily with right attitude: you offered they said no and all moved on . But it only works with certain type of people, (normal ones 🙂). Other people wouldn’t move on so easily and would comment/ slag you off etc etc because that’s their personality not because you were wrong. I wonder if your couple from the latter category. If so, any business with them would involve problems so consider all that’s happened as a lesson to you.

Absolutely! I always pay for my own meal because I don’t have starters and dessert and I don’t drink wine etc. Nothing wrong with that.

This is different. It’s a fixed price and should be shared equally or they have the choice to find their own accommodation.

Have you all purchased tickets for the event, was the event a firm thing or more of a vague we must go to listen to that band one year type of thing.

Was there ever any discussion of turning it into a four day trip or did you just think we may as well make it a three night mini break?

Sounds like these are CFs with previous form for minimising what they contribute to group activities. Best off with them sorting out their own arrangements and you can find some different friends to share the house who are willing to pay their fair share

Only skimmed the OPs posts, but rounded down to £50 pp p/night I think is fair and would cover the cost. The other two couples were both only staying two nights right? So £100 each is £400, then the OP and partner cover £170 each, which is an extra £20 each but they have the space to themselves the last night.

That's great that you like one another.

But you're replying to my post so if youd be kind enough to elaborate on that to be helpful.

Ie. You're saying your friends would pay the 110 or 100 and be fine. And that your friends are nice so they'd pay that.

Or that im not nice because i should be further subsidising costs for the others?

I'd assume everyone would split things over the number of people there.
Although at restaurants, those guys like to pay for what they have only. And usually order one meal between two.

There is a truth universally acknowledged .... that organising this kind of trip is a completely thankless task as you are discovering.

Is it possible that you booked without checking because there was literally no other options and you wanted to stay in the area?

I'd encourage you to take this as a lesson in the way of the world. If you go ahead and book you must be prepared to pay the full amount.

I'd be tempted to stay there by yourselves and tell the others you have cancelled the offer because it's all too complicated. They don't sound like the sort of people you want to build 'memories' with as those memories will always be tainted.

Even if they are family, especially if they are family.

I understand this feeling but I think you seem very nice and keen to keep people happy whereas the other people on your holiday don't seem to be able to compromise or care too much that you've done all the work. They should not be badmouthing you to your partner, thats a poor reflection on them if they do. Your partner should be supporting you whatever so I wouldn't worry about that either in your shoes. Jus enjoy your weekend away and nevermind if people aren't happy, they could always organise something themselves! We can't live our lives worrying so much about other people who are not showing the same concern.

Ok so compromise solution if your DP wants it - £82 each for two nights - no being nice and rounding down for them. They stay in the twin room and they leave 10am Sunday morning.