Grey area of group holiday finances

[Lalalalala555]

Hey.
Looking to see what is considered 'fair' from external perspective.

Ive gota holiday cottage booked for three nights. Fr Sa Su.
Invited friends (two couples).
It sleeps 6.
So theres me and my partner, and then two other couples invited.

We posted in a group chat saying how much it would be each if they wanted to come.
We have done it so that its a set amount, as the cost of the cottage is fixed as booked already and non refundable.

We said it would be 110 each for them.
For my partner and i we decided we would pay a bit more (124).

After posting in the group, one of the other couples want to pay less as they dont want to stay the third night.
They want to pay 2/3 of the cost of 1/6 of the total (if that makes sense).

Its tricky for what is fair. As if they pay 80 instead each, then it means its 200+ each for my partner and I.

Its this wanting to pay for how much someone will be present at the property vs there is already a fixed cost.

Obviously it benefits them to pay less. And us if they pay more.

I don't feel its entirely fair that we would have to pay 3* the amount they pay, for choosing to stay an extra night.
They also will benefit from not having to check out at 10am on the Sunday, which would be the case should the cottage have been booked fri and sat only.

There was no clear consultation in making the booking, we did it after having had a few casual chats about the weekend but not with group consensus. As we are attending an event and the local accommodation had sold out. This one place came up months after so we just booked it.
Hence why we offered it for being cheaper for them.
We didnt know how long they would stay, but they had the option to decide what works best.

Thanks!

Yes.
Its that we booked somewhere.
And said how long for, how much and said would they like to come.
And we'd had discussions about the time ect but not precise enough about time or money that it would be fair to expect people to pay a set amount that's preagreed.

Its that we've booked somewhere and said how much, and then they've said to come they want to pay less or not come.
And we've offered slightly less but not as far the less they want.
And. So they have decided they're not coming.

And basically I'm trying to figure out how far its reasonable and fair to subsidise the cost for others vs what is potentially us being taken for a ride. Vs if we're doing that to them.

Its a grey area.

My feeling is they are cheap skates.
Most people would split by 3.
You had also taken the inferior singles room & probably there is a damage's deposit, so you will have fronted up that cost as well.
Plus left tidying up when they drive off into the sunset at 5pm. Having profited from the amenities all day

Then there's quibbling over groceries.
"We don"t like marmalade"
"We dont like poppadums"
"I dont put milk in my tea"
I bought a bottle of wine, so not paying . third,
"you'll get to take home the remaining last 3 slices of bread, so I'm taking the remaining sugar". (In a jam-jar that they have diligently prepped in the boot of the car...)

Anyway, its done now, hopefully you find some fun people to join, & actually enjoy your break !
As for family dynamics, they dropped out, so no money wasted, nothing to whinge about.

Only problem here is who's harmony.

I want peace. I want my OH to have peace.
Yeah Its definitely worth considering what peace is for OH, because it may be more important to him than money to have peace.

Equally i dont want to set a president that we can be manipulated to pay for things to their benefit.

Can you change the booking to 2 nights and then book somewhere else for the 3rd night?

Is there anyone else that could share with you instead?

Yes.
We offered this when they said they werent happy with 110.

But they have then since being offered 100pp, said they won't be coming. As its not the 80pp.

If they want to pay less they need to leave at 10 am. Thry won't. It's a three night break end off. Either cough up or don't come.

@Lalalalala555 "Equally i dont want to set a president that we can be manipulated to pay for things to their benefit."

No I get that but the more I think about it it's a bit of a grey area. If the cottage could have been booked for 2 nights that would have been better.

Most normal people would have paid the extra £20pp without blinking, but it does sound like they have some odd ideas about money that run deeper than normal feelings.

As I say £82 pp now , twin room and packed and out in the morning saves a bit of honour on both sides and makes it less awkward for your actual friends.

By Sunday morning I'll warrant you'd happily pay a lot more than £40 to be rid of them .

Yes, i knew the risk.
The plan, discussed with everyone, was always to stay in the area.
And we booked it knowing that we hadnt had others commit with money ect when we did because we didnt want to risk loosing the place and the gamble worst case would be everyone would change their mind on what theyd said and we'd have to stomach the cost.

It is what it is.
I knew we were taking this risk.
And i was okay with it.

What is the issue is how much the other people pay.
Ie we booked somewhere, said how much it would be for them pp.
And then they said they want to pay less or theyre not coming.
And fair enough. Were not okay with how much less they wanted to pay. We offered less, but not as much less.
And they since just said theyre not coming.

They've already said they're not coming, to my OH today.
So. Im just leaving a bit of buffer time, before inviting some of my friends.
Just incase this all blows up and they were trying to get it for what they wanted and maybe tried a bluff.

I really didnt see it all getting so complicated. But here we are!

Yeah they've done the communication with my OH, in their language rather than in the group chat that all six who were invited/planning to go are in.

So its not really been a discussion I'm directly involved in.

I don't think they would leave at 10am if they came. And I would feel awkward imposing this as well.

Seems theyre not coming so. There we go.

I think they are being unreasonable about the split as they would be enjoying the facilities on the Sunday, however as you booked it without checking (to suit yourself), the others would actually be doing you a favour in subsidising your trip.

really, they are biting their nose of to spite their face as they are missing out all together by not spending that little bit extra, and you are also losing out on their contribution and company (also risking the other couple drop out).

My guess is if you didn't have this experience with them now, you would probably have had it at some point in the future.

There are 1 or 2 threads a year on here where someone organises a group activity (often holiday), pays up front and then for some reason part of the group wants to pull out and thinks they should be able to do so without paying their share (whether they should be able to or not is moot).

Basically you should only organise group activities and pay for them up front with people who you are really confident would stump up if something goes wrong, and not only if it suits them. This generally means very close friends who you have a long history of assessing their behaviour with and have confidence that they will react in a fair way that both parties will be happy with and not use you as a zero terms ultra flexible booking service.

Exactly this.

Just want to say thanks to everyone that took time to reply and help me out.

Its been helpful for me to see other peoples views.

Thanks!

Update summary:
-They're not coming, we offered 100pp but they were not okay with that. Fair enough
-There's no way to cancel the accommodation BUT this is fine because i knew this was a risk in the beginning when we booked. We still plan to go irrespective.

• I don't know if couple two (ones without a fuss) will be coming.
• I don't know if drama will ensue for us accepting instead of caving to couple one saying they're not coming because we weren't okay with them paying the price they wanted vs the one we originally said and then also secondly went down to. They're not coming and I'm not sure if they'll find somewhere else to stay or not come. Im not sure if they'll make things uncomfortable but time will tell if im just needlessly worried vs not.

Basically the issues to solve were

• what is fair in terms of the cost each person was offered

(- is it fair to negotiate)

I think you made a rookie mistake of jumping the gun and booking something without firming up dates and a budget beforehand.

To be honest, I strongly object to other people deciding how I should spend my time and my money and would consider someone a cheeky fucker who tries to manipulate me into subsidising their holiday booking in that way.

If it’s a family situation, that makes it worse because you can’t easily walk away and some people hold grudges forever.

In your shoes, I’d still apologise and tell them that you got a bit carried away with the excitement of a group getaway. Don’t leave it on a sour note.

If it was agreed 3 nights at the start and all couples would pay 1/3, then they should honour that (even if their plans have since changed).

If you booked it and then invited them to join you, I think they then have the right to say they can pay less.

Again, wouldn’t waste much time and energy on it if you are close friends. Not worth falling out with friends over and learn a lesson for the future (make it clearer about what everyone is agreeing to).

I’d just accept it this time but ask the couple leaving early to do their bit of tidying up before they go.

I think what happened was they divided the £740 by 18 (6 people x 3 nights) and thought it worked out roughly £40 pp per night.

Then decided that £80 was all they were paying, not considering that someone else will have to pay more if they pay less.

It doesn’t work that way.

Yes they will be missing out by not coming.

I can ask some of my close friends to see if they'd like to join. That would be nice.

I dont know if I'm being an AH by not just conceeding and saying we'll pay extra so they all get to come for 80pp and we just cover the extra 420.
So that we get time together.

But equally it just feels unfair that four people pay 320 and we pay 420.

Yes I thats what they did.
But they are smart people that work with numbers in their jobs so I think they would have realised this.
I did say to my partner that if they pay less everyone else has to pay more.
Im not sure what exactly he said.

Thanks for the reassurance that its okay to say no to them that it doesnt work that way.
Yes it does feel disproportionately wrong.
That they stay two nights and pay 160.
And we stay three and pay 420.

I think you’ve done the right thing. They were being tight. What would happen on the trip when you go to pay for meals out or supermarket shop? “I don’t drink red wine so I’m not paying for it” etc

Just ask your friends now and get them in place. If they come back saying ok we’ll pay £85 they are dicks.

Thanks that's helpful. I definitely do not want to be thought of in that regard.

Yes I'm not trying to force them into coming or paying anything.
The option is there if they want to come for that price.

I'm not telling them they have to pay or come or. Saying hey you agreed to the trip.

Its literally we booked somewhere and if they want to join its x amount.
And then theyre saying they want to pay less than what we said it would be.
And then we offered even less than our initial suggestion. And they said no thanks.

Which is fair enough.
I was here more to gauge if the price offered was fair.

Absolutely genius!

They did say they would come if they can pay £80.

We said hey, we've booked somewhere for three nights. If you'd like to come its £110.
And they said we want to pay £80 because we will have decided we dont want to stay the full time.

And we've said no. We're not okay with that.
How about 100pp and we pay 160pp.

And they've said okay thanks we don't want to come then.

Problem here is it is booked for the Sunday. So we cant cancel it.

Send this:

‘Sorry, I checked if we could reduce the stay to 2 nights but we have to pay for the Sunday night whether we use it or not. At least you’ll be able to stay until after lunch instead of being out by 10am!’

And take the best room - you’re paying more & there’s no point it being wasted on the last night.