Grey area of group holiday finances

[Lalalalala555]

Hey.
Looking to see what is considered 'fair' from external perspective.

Ive gota holiday cottage booked for three nights. Fr Sa Su.
Invited friends (two couples).
It sleeps 6.
So theres me and my partner, and then two other couples invited.

We posted in a group chat saying how much it would be each if they wanted to come.
We have done it so that its a set amount, as the cost of the cottage is fixed as booked already and non refundable.

We said it would be 110 each for them.
For my partner and i we decided we would pay a bit more (124).

After posting in the group, one of the other couples want to pay less as they dont want to stay the third night.
They want to pay 2/3 of the cost of 1/6 of the total (if that makes sense).

Its tricky for what is fair. As if they pay 80 instead each, then it means its 200+ each for my partner and I.

Its this wanting to pay for how much someone will be present at the property vs there is already a fixed cost.

Obviously it benefits them to pay less. And us if they pay more.

I don't feel its entirely fair that we would have to pay 3* the amount they pay, for choosing to stay an extra night.
They also will benefit from not having to check out at 10am on the Sunday, which would be the case should the cottage have been booked fri and sat only.

There was no clear consultation in making the booking, we did it after having had a few casual chats about the weekend but not with group consensus. As we are attending an event and the local accommodation had sold out. This one place came up months after so we just booked it.
Hence why we offered it for being cheaper for them.
We didnt know how long they would stay, but they had the option to decide what works best.

Thanks!

OMG I can't believe they are prepared to fall out over £40. They sound unhinged.

Three night breaks are always Fri - Mon, they’re being ridiculous.

Say “ok we won’t stay Sunday night either”, so now we’re all back paying equal shares.

Or you could cancel (if possible) and suggest they find somewhere nice that allows you to pay just Fri- Sun

Im not sure if you're trying to be mean? But that doesn't sound particularly helpful to say to someone.

If you explain why im 'hard work' that's great because can actually learn from your perspective.

But to use a phrase that is easily interpreted as an insult. That's not very helpful.

Yanbu

Reply "sorry if I was unclear but the cost is fixed and it's not like someone else can come and stay in that room on the kast night so it's not fair to make the rest of us pay more if you don't want to use the last night. You'll still get the benefit of not having to be up early and cleared out by 10am because we have the last night booked so you're still getting value for money."

Okay. Thanks.
Yeah im feeling quite anxious now that this is not the end of it. You know how small things with the best of intentions can turn into drama.

Fingers crossed it will be fine and peace.

Thank you this is a clear summary of my view/ perspective / the reality of it.

Really helpful to have it written.

That poster is being obnoxious, OP, ignore them.

I hadn't appreciated that it's your family; that's very difficult to manoeuvre around. Did you sort out who will be paying for food/drinks whilst you're there?

Everyone saying can you cancel.
Effectively no. We can cancel but get no refund so its not really an option. Because will go and make the most if it and have a nice trip.

Just shame how it panned out really.
We made it clear it was the only place left in the town to book, so just went for it otherwise we wouldn't have had a place.

I can understand people saying no if they change they're mind and don't want to come. Its just this thing where we said how much, and they try to get it to what they want. And we budge a bit and theyre not happy and would rather not come if its not the price they want to pay.

Life.

They are still benefiting from not having to rush off on the Sunday by 10am and general clearing up so I think they should pay the same amount.

Tell them you are all leaving at the same time. See if they are genuinely nice people they will agree to the 3 way split. If they aren't bin them

.

@Lalalalala555

I am so sorry, they weren't even up to any kind of negotiation. Does that mean the third couple won't be able to come either, if they were relying on a lift from couple 2?

Do you have time to find other friends who might like to come instead? Or can you cancel the break and just lose your deposit? Or have you paid the whole thing already?

At least you know for future that you need to get full agreement from everyone involved, when organising anything - even with family - and then get their share of any cash before you book. Not much help now though

You were trying to be helpful and do something nice, as the cottage might have been lost if you had waited and it's backfired on you. Feel for you

@Lalalalala555 Sorry - we cross-posted. So you can't cancel 😢 Glad you are still going and hopefully you will enjoy your time

Negotiate, say as you can stay all day on the Sunday, how about £100 each

Hey thanks for the support.
Internet is not always filled with kindness and helpfulness so was well prepared to get some insults and stuff from this post.

Just really here to try to see all sides of the picture. Because I see it from my perspective and moral compass. But an average of overall opinions is super helpful to tell if I'm off whack and didnt realise. Or not. See if I've missed anything.

I dont like drama or falling out with people. And its hard sometimes to decide where to draw lines and boundaries. And if they are or could be put in fairer places.

_

Yes its my partners family. Sibling and wife.
I'd assume everyone would split things over the number of people there.
Although at restaurants, those guys like to pay for what they have only. And usually order one meal between two.

Am I understanding this correctly?

You had been having conversations about going away with friends, but nothing had been arranged with regards to dates, costs etc.

You are attending an event and need accommodation for three nights and this was the only accommodation you could get.

So you booked it as it suited your requirements.

Then you asked the others if they want to come - but one couple can't or doesn't want to use annual leave for the Monday, so they need to leave on the Sunday.

If my understanding is correct, then I can see their point of view. It's accommodation booked to suit your budget and timings, and they had no prior say in either. Just because you may have been discussing a weekend away doesn't mean one couple can randomly book somewhere with no prior agreement and expect the others to cough up.

Thanks. Yes suggested this. And since suggesting they have said no and they will not be coming.

Which is fair enough. But now not sure if the other couple can or will make it.

And if this was done as a genuine no thanks or more a strong arm/bluff to see if we would budge and also know that we likely wouldn't then see the other couple coming as well.

All hypothetical unknowns.

You’ve offered them an accommodation option, they can either take it or leave it.

If they think they can negotiate the price below what you have said is acceptable to you then where does that end? Assuming you wouldnt let them stay there for nothing, or stay there for a fiver, then the reality is that they have to pay an amount that works for everyone.

If you have alternatives who are willing to pay then definitely explore those options (as it will be better for everyone if someone stays there for the price you asked - what you want to avoid at all costs is the room going unused for the whole weekend, as that will make everyone feel even worse!)

I'd assume everyone would split things over the number of people there.
Although at restaurants, those guys like to pay for what they have only. And usually order one meal between two.

Ok, just make sure that if there is any cooking or food/drink at the cottage that you don't end up paying for all of that too, that's the point I was making.

Hopefully, now that the other couple aren't coming, you will have a great time with the couple who are going to be there.

Well bully for you.

Unfortunately for you, this thread is not titled " What are learnandlive's friendships like?" But is about a specific situation in OP's life. For which your comments are not helpful it appears

We pay per night per adult. They have a rough idea of price before booking... Never had issues... Some people are ungrateful gits.... Their loss. Have a nice trip the 2 of you!

We’ll they’ve said they’re not going now so try and look forward to the break with the other couple and ditch your twin room.

Think of it as a lesson learnt, next time check everyone is in exactly the same page before booking it.

@Lalalalala555 Having read a further update, sounds to me like the couple who have called off are either tight or broke. Can see all kind of problems and arguments with regard to the 'shopping' for food etc. if they had come.

You may have found if they had said they would still come, that they wouldn't have wanted to pay the full share of the provisions/ or insisted on having all their own, or whatever!

It's okay they dont have to come.

We all talked about going months and months ago.
Everyone said yes.

We booked somewhere very fast, because when we initially looked there was no where because it was all booked.

Someone at some point must have cancelled because one place became available.
We booked it before someone else did knowing the risk.

We had all planned to go away for this trip but you know not concrete.

We booked it and then asked if they wanted to join.
We said how much it would be pp and said it would be cheaper for them.
We didnt know if they would choose or want to stay the full time.
Ie one two or three nights.

But just said how much it would be.
Then they said they want to pay less or not come.
We offered a lesser amount pp we are comfortable with.
They then said theyre not coming.

So all really fair enough.
Its fair that they can say yes or no.
It's fair that we can offer what we're comfortable with or potentially find other friends or cover the cost ourselves because we have no way to cancel.
And that is the risk we took.

We were hoping to have a four day trip away with close friends/family.
But turning out not to be what will happen.

Such is life.

What does your DP think ?

It does sound as if the couple have a bit of a money obsession if they only eat one meal to share when out.

If your DP really doesn't want a big family drama, a negotiated offer could be to go back and say yes to the £80pp but they take the twin room.

It's a bit rubbish but on reflection if you could have booked for two nights only and they have some sort of stinginess obsession beyond normal, then it might be worth just biting the bullet for longer term harmony.