19 year old coming in all hours AIBU

[Crazylou1981]

Hi,

i have a 23 and 19 year old who live at home with my partner and his children 12 &14.
my 23 year doesn’t really go out more of a gamer which results in needing him to be asked to be quiet. He is meant to be off at midnight. I have hammered down on this recently

my other child is refusing to come home at 11 in the week as he needs to be out with his friends. This can be any time between midnight and 4am. They are not always the quietest either by banging doors or cooking. He lives 50/50 between me and their dad. The lateness has worsened since passing their test and dad buying a car. Dad and I are no contact due to Domestic abuse.

Aibu to ask for him to be home at 11pm Sunday-Thursday.

regards,

crazy

You can tell him to be quiet when he comes in but you can't tell a 19 year old what time to come home.

You make your 23 year old stop gaming past midnight and you're giving your 19 year old a curfew? YABU.

You expect then to respect other members of the household, try to be quiet and act like the adults they are? YANBU.

Yabu, you cannot tell a 23 year old when to stop gaming at night and you cannot tell a 19 year old when to come home. They are adults. Stop smothering them.

Your 23yr old should be considerate and use headphones/turn the volume off but YABU telling them what time to turn it off.

Your 19yr old should be considerate around noise when they're coming in but YABU to give them a curfew.

They're adults, why are you "hammering down" rather than having an adult conversation with them about it?

You can't tell them when to stop gaming or what time to come home - but you can tell them to be quiet and respectful of everyone else in the house or move out

So you moved your boyfriend's children in and now your own are expected to have curfews at 19 and 23?!
You can tell them to be quiet, you can't tell them what time to go to bed

Tell them to be quiet or move out. You can't impose curfews on adults.

I'm guessing the curfews are because of the noise, i.e. I don't wanna hear you gaming last midnight - which is totally reasonable (I'd even make it 11 but I'm early to bed). The 19yr old I think should be the same - if you come in past 11 I don't wanna hear you - and consequences if you're woken up by him being rowdy and banging around.

Yes they should be treated like adults, but they have to behave like adults and respect your home.

You can have convos about keeping the noise down but you can’t set curfews at that age!! 😳

You can ask them to respect the other members of the family and be quiet after a certain time, whether they are gaming or coming in from night out. You can't really prevent these activities because they are adults. However, they might want to consider moving out into a shared house with other young adults where they can live their young adult lives the way they want to!

This. I don’t think anyone will be impressed getting woken at 4am so if he can’t be quiet then he moves out

yanbu. As long as they live with you they should be considerate of others on the house. 100% you can impose a curfew if the can’t come in and have a bit if respect.

I love all these posts that say you can’t do this or that because they’re adults 😂. You can do what you want, it’s your house ! No wonder there are so many entitled young people these days 🙄

What is this 'you can't impose curfews on adults' bollocks? Of course you fucking can, especially if you're the senior adult paying for the vast majority of stuff.

You live in a house with other people and you behave respectfully, which means not crashing about after 11pm/12am.

Want to do things differently? Move out and pay for everything yourself.

Hi all,

thank you all.

We have had conversations with both. This hasn’t had the desired outcome. The eldest has been to uni and returned about two years ago. the hammering down is due to not listening.

My partner and I have been together ten years and lived together eight years.

regards,

crazy.

I think reasonable to enforce he is quiet and not cooking in the early hours but I am not sure about the curfew.

See, the responses on this thread are the reason why so many 'adults' are entitled little shits.

Of course OP can enforce what she likes in her own home, with her long term partner and kids. It's her home.

Either your older kids can suck it up or move out as they're so adult I'm sure they'd relish the chance for some independence. I hope at the very least they both work and pay rent, or are in full time education.

And your reply is why so many on here go NC with their parents when they leave home.

Many people on here were parents themselves at 19 and 23. They are adults. A 11pm curfew at 19 is crazy. They're only young once, let them enjoy it and stop smothering them.

However, as adults, they absolutely should be expected to behave better than they have been. Tell them in no uncertain terms that they absolutely must show respect and be quiet but no way can you tell them when to come home and when to go to bed.

^ this!

Not this. Especially if you have moved 2 other kids into their home.

I think you are completely unreasonable. He is 19.
I would expect him to be quiet though like any house mate

Adults

Unless these adults are paying an equal share of the mortgage/rent and household bills, they aren’t really adults in terms of household function. Living at home means accepting a quasi-adult status, with some independence but still subject to some rules set by the household owners. Those rules should focus on the household running efficiently and harmoniously. Having quiet hours is not unreasonable.

This!

I'm not really sure how wanting members of a household to show respect and courtesy for other members causes people to go no contact? But OK