to think 5 months maternity is fine and they can deal with it?

[firstimemumconcerns]

I am half way through my pregnancy with my first. My work pays 5 months full pay and then it goes to SMP. My DH is newly self employed in a business we run together (he obviously does more work on it than me). This means he is home 24/7 and I also WFH.

My job is well paid and it is not difficult. It is a US tech firm and so my bosses are US based and find 1 year maternity is too much (although don't complain out loud obvs). I neither disagree or agree. But I can say the SMP pay is ridiculous and I wouldn't survive on it - I have savings, but I don't want to use it for this if I don't need to. We also have unlimited holidays, so worse came to worst, I could take a week here or there for rest.

I can easily, in my head, have a baby around me / with DH and only taking a break to feed. I don't sit at a desk and zone out. I focus for bursts when there's deadlines.

Part of my reasoning is that work can be a bit cut throat. I would struggle to find a job as well paying for the amount of work and effort it takes from me (six figures, I work a max of 35 hours a week - specialised finance) I don't want a replacement brought in to take over my work and my work is project based, this means that the next cycle kicks off in January and ends in July. So my maternity would be in my down time.

Am I mad? I keep being told i'm wrong and will not cope going back. Obviously this is assuming I do not have a traumatic birth with strong consequences after. Mums tell me I should take a year but I simply don't want to.

My mum would be around to help a LOT (she is far too excited...) and DH is there (his only hours of needing to not have the baby are when I finish work 5-8pm) and baby is booked to go to nursery when he's 12 months.

You will be fine . That’s how I work , bursts of attention dedicated to work 100% ( any meetings online or phone when hubby is home ) I have no set times mostly so that helps . I have been working with children home that way for 7 years since my maternity leave ended at 26 weeks with my oldest daughter and doing the same still now that my youngest is 2 .
I would lie if I said some days I wished to have more dedicated childcare but it’s only one more what for me until free nursery and although we can afford childcare it would eat into our holiday budget and I need my holidays

I went back after 6 months-i do regret it though - i felt like you that I'd be bored (i even tried to negotiate to go back earlier pre baby!) - ultimately i felt that i had committed to going back and went back but it actually overshadowed my ML. I would make sure you leave it as an option - don't commit to anything (even in your head)
Also 6months- 1year is a very different time to newborn- baby is likely to be out and about and even wfh you can't see that

I couldn't have coped going back at 5 mths as my baby's sleep was terrible from 4-6mths and I was like a zombie. Much better from 6mths, and I definitely felt around 9mths I could have gone back if I'd had to. (But I took a year off as planned and I'm glad I did.)

The bit that is unrealistic is that you think you can work and look after a baby at the same time.

I’m not sure if the pp’s are not reading the op correctly or just can’t imagine a man looking after his own baby whilst his dw works.

@Tengreenbottles2 the father will not be working whilst the op is and the op’s dm will be around too, hth.

I'd wait and see closer to the time. If you happen to have an average baby, you'll still be waking multiple times to feed during the night, baby may or may not be clingy and unwilling to stay in a different room with Grandma when he/she knows you are in the house, and you may not feel sufficiently recovered from the birth and all the hormones you'll have in your body.

Alternatively, you might have a unicorn who sleeps through the night and is quite happy to be left with Grandma, and you might feel completely ready to go back. You don't have to decide right now.

I did something similar from 4 months with DS1 for similar reasons - I'd not long scored the perfect job and didn't want to risk it. It was freelance work, flexible hours, and not tied to a desk all day. I smashed out the majority of my work while he was sleeping/after XH came home, and just had to arrange family cover for meetings. Occasionally I couldn't take a phone call because he was being screechy, but I worked around that.

It will depend on how well your baby sleeps and therefore how tired you are, really.

I went back to the office full time after 3 months, I actually found this easier than the month I spent working part time at home with my mother for childcare before that as I found that with a newborn I needed the separation from home and work to concentrate but you'll make it work and be fine.

Thé length of maternity leave is very cultural. In France its 3 months post birth and almost no one takes more.

I've always coped. Freelance IT, 2 kids, intermittent childcare and no family close.

Where there's a will there's a way.

It depends is the answer

I'm in a similar industry. Most mothers are educated affluent and a bit older than average.
Assuming you feel okay / no physical or mental health issues you CAN do this successfully

You will find it much easier if you have

• Night nannies x3 per week (or your mother comes and does nights)
• You switch to formula or combi feed
• cleaner / gardener

Food is lions prep hellonfresh or online shop

• day nanny or childminder part time
• heavy family support (like daily)

The women who i know who successfully did this had a combination of above ie. They had money and family support

What i woukd say is a lot of first time mums find the adjustment/transition hard. Like... really hard.

Wow, the above answer is flabberghasting. I went back to work when my first DC was 4.5 months as that's how it worked then, there was no WFH then either. Never crossed our minds that we needed night nannies or gardners, we just got on with things between us. If you want those things, go for it - but it certainly isn't necessary.

I took the year with my other DC OP as the rules changed, we saved up for it. I loved every minute. But going back early with my first was certainly doable.

My mum is already always here 😂 we are very close and DH loves her/needs her a lot too (nc with his own mum)

He can look after the baby and work very part time around the OP's hours - loads of women do the same, not sure why it's suddenly impossible for a man?

Yes, but then babies used to go to some form of childcare. WFH was largely unheard of. The tech didn't really support it so much.

5 months mat leave - fine
WFH with a baby - not fine

I have never met a baby who'd rather be with its father if it knew its mother was in the house, and to be honest, not many mothers who are steely enough to ignore their babies.

If you have a well paid job then can't you just save some money each month so you live on that whilst you're on maternity leave? You're really lucky that your mum doesn't work and is willing to do unpaid childcare. You can't WFH with a baby though.

Oh ffs, you're right, I didn't read it properly!!

And it's certainly not because I can't imagine a dad looking after his child, because the set-up OP is suggesting is pretty much the set-up me and DH had when our eldest was 7-12 months!! 🙄AND we didn't have any other family around to help us out.

Ffs I wish I could go and delete all my previous comments now.

@firstimemumconcerns you will be absolutely FINE with that set-up, if DH is looking after the baby while you are working. Much better than putting the baby in nursery while they're still little.

@IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads
I have never met a baby who'd rather be with its father if it knew its mother was in the house, and to be honest, not many mothers who are steely enough to ignore their babies.

That's because most babies spend almost all their time with their mothers and only see their dads for an hour or two in the evening. If the dad is heavily involved in childcare right from the beginning then the baby will most likely be perfectly happy with dad (that's how it worked with mine anyway). And if baby is getting really agitated, dad can take baby out to the park/softplay/parent and toddler groups etc.

I went back after five months -was really bored and child went to daycare. My wage just about covered the care and transport but I needed to work!

So there will always be a parent not working, plus support from your mother? And you WFH?

Yeah you'll be more than fine.

I worked from home from like 10 days post EMCS, solely cared for a baby and the house. I'm still alive. Divorced from the man who made me do that but alive nonetheless.

It sounds fine. Main issue for me would have been how well the baby was sleeping at night (thus whether I was a functioning person the next day or not).

OP@firstimemumconcerns i think compared to many families you have far, far more of a better set up them some...having your mum to care for your baby at home as well as your OH is great ! dont fret, you may just not be the usual stay-at-home-for a-year type mum that is why people are questioning it.

All of mine 97-06, went to full time nursery from 4 months and I went back to work.
It was completely normal before the WHO put out the 6 month exclusive breastfeeding guidance. Babies mostly start sleeping through once weaning is properly underway so my 16 weeks I was getting enough sleep to cope.
It is doable for you of course OP. There will be things you may need to change as you go along, but you can't avoid every difficulty.
Switching to formula feed might be wise, just so you aren't still leaking when baby cries if you are working in the same house; things like that to consider. I think you are right and you'll be fine.

Yes of course it will be fine (barring awful medical complications). You work at home and have two adults around to look after the baby and help on a nearly full time basis. Most women who return to work at 5 months have a full time working partner and need to use childcare. That is much, much harder although still possible.

Exactly this. Going back to work after five months if you feel physically and able to is absolutely fine. Working with a baby beside you is going to be very difficult.