Please be honest - would you find this rude?

[Mzrmp]

This might sound very petty but it's annoyed me.... I am on a WhatsApp group with 5 friends. All in our late 40s now, all with teens and we go back to when we met at uni at 18.

On the chat, we will occasionally post something about the kids with a photo, eg. "here's Lucy - just passed her driving test," or whatever. Not all the time, the group isn't that active, but it happens. I will always reply to something like that - for me, it's fun to see the kids being successful in their various ways or having a great time etc.

So, the other day, I put a 3 second video of my son doing something which is quite a big deal. They all watched it within a few minutes. Two of them commented, which was nice, but the other three (two of which I'd describe as my best friends) have just left it on 'read.'

I realise we're not 14, but their not commenting makes me feel as if they think I'm showing off or something like that. I never post on Instagram or anything like that, but I thought it would be ok to share this with my friends of almost 30 years.

AIBU to think this is churlish and to leave them on 'read' in future? I know it's a small thing in the scheme of things, but still, I'm annoyed.

I think there’s a big difference between just sending a video (which is a bit odd and not really how WhatsApp works) and sending it with a chatty note saying “hello X, thought you might like to see this video of little Bobby in the school
play- very proud of him.”

To be honest, I wouldn’t send either to friends unless I knew they were interested eg they’d asked about it. I would send the second one to family as I know they are interested. But just a video is a bit baffling and people probably assumed you’d sent it in error. Nothing to do with being rude.

Blue ticks don't mean they have watched it, it just means they have seen the post. People send me videos and I'm deaf/hard of hearing so I only watch them when I'm at home but I also have the memory of a sieve so I often forget to go back and watch. I'd hate to think people are over analysing.

Seriously???
Are you 14???

It wasnt actually sent to the group.
OP sent it to the groupies individually and then is complaining that 3 of the people (2 being very good friends) didn’t send a reply.

OP, you’re an adult not a child.
Maybe you need some therapy to help with whatever issues you have from childhood because you’re coming across needy; like you wanted the responses but as you didn’t get them you’re now throwing your toys out of your pram and are being petty. “You didn’t reply so I’m not going to reply”. Tit for tat bs

Or… maybe they saw it, thought it was great for your son but didn’t feel the need to comment 🤷🏻‍♀️

But if you share it with friends, do you expect a response?

' Anyway, it doesn't matter. I don't care now. '

actually you do

otherwise you would not have written the post, replied on it a further 11 times, informed us you don't really know how to use the app properly and drip fed with info about a birthday event - which was not relevant to 3 out of 5 messages with a video of your son being clapped for something not being gushed over by your friends.

Its rude, silent envy.

Seriously???
You've never heard of sarcasm???

It’s not something I use often

I hear you on this, my sisters do this on our family chat. Either of them post and there are loads of lovely replies I post something and 9 times out if ten it's a tumble weed moment. It shouldn't hurt but by God it's devastating every single time.

Turn off read receipts and be happier as a result.

You have no idea how busy they are or what they are dealing with today

I agree with others, if othered have commented I would not add another "wow"

Lots of people do their phone admin in bed so you may get comments later tonight

In the kindest way possible get a life and do not do tit for tat as that's immature

Quite often my husband will send me a WhatsApp message while I am at work. I will usually have a quick glance to see if it is important. But if I am in a meeting I can't watch a video but it will show up as being read because I opened the message. I will then watch the video later when I have time.
People respond to messages when they have time.
If everyone is expected to reply to a message the instant they receive it no one would get anything done.

My thoughts exactly. I can overthink these types of things too op and when I find myself doing this I take a step back and have a think about what’s really going on with myself to make me feel so tender about something which on a normal day wouldn’t even make me blink. I hope you’re okay. Have a think, if those friends are really there when you need them, and are genuinely good friends, then let it go..you’ll just torture yourself. Treat yourself to a coffee and a cake and remember there will be times when only you celebrate you and yours victories and that’s absolute okay 👌🏼

I have been giving this some more thought, thinking of my own use of messaging and have come up with something I hadn't realised before. I HATE typing on a phone. It's an absolute chore. I'm great with a keyboard and use my laptop for emails and typing here, it's quick and easy.

I don't find it easy to respond to actual messages on the phone and mostly an emoji won't do. I have to steel myself to do it - and that's for much loved friends and family. Perhaps I am just weird but it definitely isn't that I don't care.

I really like wanderpanic's post above mine, very insightful.

Honestly being offended about being "left on read" just comes across like you are 14.

Big overreaction. Not everyone responds to stuff like that. They could have been busy. It's not like you were completely ignored by the whole group.

But you’re confusing ‘being happy for a friend’ with ‘commenting on a video on WhatsApp’. The two are not the same. I will be delighted when good things happen to my friends, but I’m far more likely to congratulate them next time I see them or talk to them. WhatsApp for me is just a practical means of communicating information.

I can't imagine indulging in such pettiness. Who has the time?

No I would not think it's rude good grief

If I ever found out that one of my friends started a Mumsnet thread prompted by me not being the 3rd, 4th or 5th person to adequately comment on a minor Whatsapp post about their kids, I would think they were rude, yeah.

Honestly I would not read anything into this.

I think you're definitely overthinking this.
A couple of them commented and the others didn't.
That's fine and it's absolutely not rude.

You are being very childish.