Please be honest - would you find this rude?

[Mzrmp]

This might sound very petty but it's annoyed me.... I am on a WhatsApp group with 5 friends. All in our late 40s now, all with teens and we go back to when we met at uni at 18.

On the chat, we will occasionally post something about the kids with a photo, eg. "here's Lucy - just passed her driving test," or whatever. Not all the time, the group isn't that active, but it happens. I will always reply to something like that - for me, it's fun to see the kids being successful in their various ways or having a great time etc.

So, the other day, I put a 3 second video of my son doing something which is quite a big deal. They all watched it within a few minutes. Two of them commented, which was nice, but the other three (two of which I'd describe as my best friends) have just left it on 'read.'

I realise we're not 14, but their not commenting makes me feel as if they think I'm showing off or something like that. I never post on Instagram or anything like that, but I thought it would be ok to share this with my friends of almost 30 years.

AIBU to think this is churlish and to leave them on 'read' in future? I know it's a small thing in the scheme of things, but still, I'm annoyed.

@Mzrmp

It was a 3 second piece of video footage? 3 SECONDS? What was your son doing? Blinking?

Also, yeah 2 blue ticks (on a whatsapp group) means everyone in the group has read it/seen it.)

YABU though. This is very petty.

@PostItInABook · Today 19:10

Jesus, there are some right arseholes on this thread. If you have no interest in your friends lives and that of their kids why the fuck are you bothering to be friends in the first place? So many on MN have a really fucked up idea of what it means to be a friend.

Good grief, calm down. It's really not that deep. And people are entitled to disagree with the OP. She did ask for people opinions... And this is AIBU, and the OP said 'please be honest!'

Sounds like you are projecting massively here.

@Ariona

OP they sound jealous. If I got a personal message from a friend, regardless of what I thought I would send a positive message because my friend is proud of her child and I want to support that.

PMSL, her friends are jealous? Jealous of what? 😆

Sounds like you're joining up the dots and realising some of them are not really the friends you thought they were.

As you're all part of the same friendship group just realise you may have to lower expectations from some of them.

I never watch videos. I'll read, I'll respond to photos but I just don't bother with videos. Sorry, OP, I'd probably not have remembered to reply either.

Also sending it individually is "LOOK AT ME" rather than posting to a group.

I honestly wouldn't let this impact my feelings about my mates, OP.

I think the 'ticks' function is the worst thing about Whatsapp, it causes so much bad feeling. Some people respond as if they've been shot, within seconds and expect the same. They're like it with texts too. If you don't respond immediately then you're 'not being a friend'.

I've knocked the ticks off, I don't need to know if a message has been read and I also don't want people to know when I'm online or not.

OP, what would happen if you asked your friends about this? Told them that you were hurt? In person though, not on a message. As you sent the message out separately they won't have seen the replies from the other friends. Perhaps they just haven't replied yet or haven't seen the need to? Just ask them.

Maybe it was 'showing off' but that's what people do online, isn't it? Boasting about kids is par for the course. A friend might internally roll their eyes but would be supportive I think?

I wouldn't get into petty leaving messages 'unread', they may just breathe a sigh of relief and not reply to any of yours again. Your friends, expect better and speak to them because this has hurt you.

They are just busy.

And two people have commented so you’ve had feedback, no need for everyone to (is what I’d think)

Being a bit needy there OP

Absolute madness (you, not WhatsApp groups)

They needn’t have commented but they could have at least ‘liked’ it if it was some thing that was a big deal, it only takes a second
I think there is a lot of passive agressive behaviour on some WhatsApp groups , I rarely post on them anymore unless it’s a family group

I'm in a similar uni friends group and we sporadically share kids stuff.
Prom photo, graduation etc.

Not everyone comments. Even if we don't comment we seem to be able to just accept people like seeing the photos.
We might mention it when we meet up.

Seriously I like getting the photos and I love my friends. But I'm busy and absent minded. I don't always respond.

Oh, you said the other day.

Yikes, my SIL is like this. Unless you comment on her posts with huge praise, she gets really angry. I got booted of her FB years ago, but " I never commented". The fact that I never commented on anyone else's posts and didn't even see them most of the time didn't matter.

You were showing off, and that's fine, we all do it. The problem is that you have an expectation that people will celebrate it effusively which is entitled and a bit needy.

My friends and family joke that it takes me 10-14 working days to respond to a text message. I just get distracted and forget and then the message drops down the list of messages and before I know it a week has passed. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about the things people say or send, I just forget to respond.

As for the Toblerone thing, when you’d sent a personal gift, and this applies to the lack of response to your text too, I would say don’t judge others by your own standards. I’m sure you chose these friends for their good qualities. Apparently gift giving isn’t one of them (although I like a toblerone). You’ve heard of love languages? Well it kind of goes for friendship as well. You show you care by buying a really thoughtful gift, she might give lots of hugs or be a great person for advice.

If the group isn't that active, there's a strong possibility that some of your friends could have any number of things they're dealing with, which would make them not have watched your kids video yet and you wouldn't even know.

I think it's perfectly ok to not comment on people's social media or messages. I don't think it is necessarily rude , nor does it mean they're not your friends. Scrolling your phone doesn't mean you have to comment on everything or reply to all their messages .

This - you’ve been friends for ages it would be disingenuous to just say same thing as the other two. Also it’s a video they might have been short on time and not played it.

I wouldn’t mean to do this but I might quite easily do it, especially if someone messaged me when I was at work. I’d check the message to be sure it wasn’t an emergency and then plan to reply and probably forget.

Also if it was just a video with no words, sent only to me out of context, I might assume it was sent in error and was meant for someone else.

I do this - I might have clicked on a video whist busy doing something, thinking I'll reply later. Are these people not busy? I wouldn't read anything into it.

Surely that is the benefit of group chats rather than individual ones. You don't have to all respond to every single message? I am in far too many WhatsApp groups and this is the accepted etiquette in all of them.
We share information, rants, funny memes, kids achievements etc with each other but it would be madness to take it personally when every other group member doesnt comment directly.

I think it really depends on what your ds was doing in this video. Perhaps they didn’t like it?
I think it only takes seconds to say well done-not having time is a rubbish excuse. If you’ve got time to watch the video, you’ve got time to send one emoji.

What had your son done - had he found Kate? If so, there being really fucking unreasonable

I wouldn't find it rude, as if it was me I'd assume they saw it, smiled, and got on with their day.

I am someone with leanings towards anxious thoughts, but for this reason am only friends with people I feel secure with.

And so I second the advice that if you don't feel secure with these friends, then it's something to explore and work out if its just your thoughts upsetting you, or if their behaviour isn't meeting your needs - as life is too short to live it with people who upset you.

I'm in my 40s, have teens and am prone to oversharing on FB.
Even I'm saying YABU though.
Just because a couple haven't responded with OMG, so amazing! Love it! Or whatever doesn't mean they don't care.
Not everyone uses social media the same way.
They probably thought "aw that's nice" then got distracted by shiny things out the window and didn't respond also me 😁

You did nothing wrong-you were proud of something and shared it with a group pf friends. Whats App is for connecting with friends after all.

I wouldn’t read too much into it, everyone is busy and they may have watched it quickly at work/out and about and not been able to write back. I would still comment on any videos they share with you, otherwise you are deliberately being petty.

😂

I sometimes send friends photos or videos on Whatsapp of my cat being cute, because my cat is amazing. But I really understand if they don't care or appreciate my cat as much as I do.

I can't guess the reaction if I were to send a video of my cat basking in the glory of hundreds of people applauding him, as this has never happened.