Please be honest - would you find this rude?

[Mzrmp]

This might sound very petty but it's annoyed me.... I am on a WhatsApp group with 5 friends. All in our late 40s now, all with teens and we go back to when we met at uni at 18.

On the chat, we will occasionally post something about the kids with a photo, eg. "here's Lucy - just passed her driving test," or whatever. Not all the time, the group isn't that active, but it happens. I will always reply to something like that - for me, it's fun to see the kids being successful in their various ways or having a great time etc.

So, the other day, I put a 3 second video of my son doing something which is quite a big deal. They all watched it within a few minutes. Two of them commented, which was nice, but the other three (two of which I'd describe as my best friends) have just left it on 'read.'

I realise we're not 14, but their not commenting makes me feel as if they think I'm showing off or something like that. I never post on Instagram or anything like that, but I thought it would be ok to share this with my friends of almost 30 years.

AIBU to think this is churlish and to leave them on 'read' in future? I know it's a small thing in the scheme of things, but still, I'm annoyed.

Same.

And to be brutally honest I'm not always particularly interested in what my friends kids are up to. I'm friends with them, not their children.

I'll comment if it's something I'm actually intere in, but I can't say I comment on every bloody ballet/football video of their kids, simply because it doesn't interest me.

Let it go!

I am dreadful on WhatsApp.
If I get the notification, I'll, click on it and then 99% of the time I'll get distracted between looking at it and formulating a response. The I'll intend to respond and then forget about it.....I have it!! I'm sure it makes me look much ruder than I actually am.

There could be any number of reasons.

Sometimes I'm somewhere with poor signal, the video won't load and I think I'll watch it later and then forget.

The overthinking it reminds me of years ago when a lady on a small forum I was on finally became pregnant and a few years of trying. One of the other members messaged me demanding to know why I hadn't posted on the forum gushing - she was quite unpleasant about my perceived snub. I said I've already congratulated her by text and on Facebook, why do I have to do it on the forum as well. It made me feel like I was being monitored and then I stubbornly dug my heels in - I wasn't going to be bossed around by a third person!

On the other hand I do get it a little. A formerly good friend dropped me like a hot cake over lockdown - I still have no idea why. We're still friends on FB but she has never so much as liked a post or said happy birthday since lockdown - and she used to be quite liberal with the reactions and tags.

I decided no need to fall out or defriend, but after a period of rising above it, I now treat as I am treated and ignore her posts about her kids, birthday, whatever.

I do this most of the time. Unless I'm sat there with absolutely nothing to do, I usually read and then go to reply but then something else pops up. By the time I do remember (normally answering another message) wondering how I can reply so late (days!) . Well by the time I have overthinked it all and not replied, I'm usually distracted by something else in the real world (home) . I am really terrible for it. If more people understood this, maybe I'd have more friends!! 😀

This. And out of five friends, not all will be interested in the same level.

It is annoying when day and night people post updates on their kids and expect you to respond immediately with gushing "likes". I'm happy to allocate real time to spend with people - and their children - and I'm interested. But I just hate the constant updates of people imposing their lives, whether I'm at work, doing housework, walking the dog or chilling out. This is why I have 298 unread whatsapp messages on my phone. But, you don't know what someone is going through or how busy they are. It's slightly arrogant to assume they should drop whatever else is occupying them to gush over son's achievement immediately. If you're worried make the effort to pick up the phone or arrange a get-together.

In this instance it’s not “day and night” or “constant updates”- op has said she rarely sends anything like this. Nor did she “expect you to respond immediately with gushing likes” or “drop everything else” - she said it had been a week without any reaction. It’s not unreasonable to be mildly offended to not have had any kind of response from a close friend in that time frame- an appropriate emoji or “fantastic!” type of comment, even.

The fact that you are friends of 30 years duration should be enough! I have a similar group and we ignore each others things all the time depending upon how busy we are. Nobody gets upset, or someone will joke that they have been 'rudely blanked' - all tongue in cheek. If it became serious I just could not be bothered with the group full stop. I'm only speaking for myself, but I find people who become needy regarding validation a PITA. IMHO, children's achievements are really only interesting to immediate family, even if you are longstanding friends. I also detest being 'forced' to watch videos. Such a drag.

You are overthinking this and being over sensitive IMO

Just to be clear all 298 unread messages on my phone are not from one person. I just don't have the time or enthusiasm to read through them all.
Let alone like or gush over every single post.
I work long hours, have a home, husband, dog and youngest child still at home, doing GCSE's.
For the past 25 years we've have a lot of children staying at ours at weekends.
No, I really don't have the time to wade through everyone's posts to find that one person who might be offended if I didn't gush over a post.

The ticks turn blue if someone has seen the message containing the video, not if they've watched it. How long has it been? Maybe give them 1-2 weeks to actually watch the video and respond (provided it is individual messages not a group message)

Same here, especially if frequent videos or photos of said children appear

I'll comment on the odd one if it's particularly funny, but not every single one, especially as some of what they shown doing is very repetitive

It's a group chat so there's usually a couple of people who regularly react and reply to them

I don't yet have children so who knows if I'll want to flood the group with photos of them if I have them, however I'm obsessed with my cat, but am very aware others may not be/aren't cat people, so I just do the odd photo of her if she's doing anything particularly noteworthy. My mum is a cat person so I send lots to her 😁

Also videos are a PITA as the photos and videos then appear in my gallery/storage when I want just mine mostly of my cat so I have to sit and have deleting purges

I'd have also sent it with a little message, people may not be able to have the sound on, or think it's just a random video off the internet, another thing I don't bother with, i only watch videos if I can see what they are and if I'm interested in it

Honestly I can barely bring myself to fein any interest in what my family children do.

I try to do a 👍 on the various group chats but sometimes I either miss things or completely forget. Isn't everyone in about 8 family/friends groups on WhatsApp nowadays? I just can't keep up. My friends probably think I'm rude.

It's a clue to who your friends really are and what type of friendship they want.

Use the information wisely but don't fret over it. Find other friends.

So you are on here telling a bunch of strangers wdgaf about your 298 unread messages (twice) and detailing why you are far too busy to respond, but you could have used some of this time to actually respond to people who personally know you, am I right?

I almost never watch video clips that people post on WhatsApp. My MIL does it all the time - here are my dogs snoring on a chair, here they are snoring again in the same place a day later etc.

You may have a point. It's honestly more fun to respond annonymously to people with predicaments, than to constantly support family and friends. I've given up on the constantly gushing over every photo posted of child looking messy/succeeding/leaving school/with pet. The great thing about mumsnet is you have no particular role or responsibility. It's so much more liberating than clicking through 298 unread messages and leaving "likes" or "gushing messages". Because it may just encourage them that you'll always be there to prop up their egos .... whereas in fact, there's a 99.9% chance you'll always love/like a social media post as a "go-to" response. Which props up an ego. But in reality, no one cares quite that much how cute your kid is looking at a random time in their day. We accept your kid is cute. We don't need to keep reassuring your insecure ego.

Agree with the previous poster that if you didn't bother to write a message with the video then I may not have replied.
Also you mention the clapping at the end of something but not that the video showed your son doing the thing that generated the applause - if it just shows applause I would think that was a bit wanky and braggy.
Last thought is do you know what's going on in their lives? I remember a friend sending me a looong video of her and her husband in a car showroom buying her 18 year old a car - without any comments - whilst knowing my husband was out of work and we were worried about every penny. I didn't reply and thought she was an insensitive and self centred cow. None of this may be relevant but probably worth thinking about how it would have felt to receive the message before being hurt

Did you actually send a message/description or randomly send a video to five different people thinking it was part of a group chat when it wasn't? I don't randomly watch no context videos people send to me out of the blue, I don't have the time or the interest and sometimes it's dodgy videos if people have been hacked. It's slightly weird behaviour to just randomly send a video to someone, especially if you haven't spoken with them in a while. I get they don't know you thought it was part of the group chat, but it still comes across as a bit odd.

I agree, but I would have done a happy or clappy ‘reaction’ on the video. It sounds odd to just completely not acknowledge it.

Thank you for that, I didn't realise it was possible; I'm sorted now! :)

Thank good I dont do SM for these reasons as I have seen/heard about too many fallouts

I have unwatched videos that would show as read/blue ticked as I opened the messages, realised it was a video with sound and didn't play it.

I can't stand videos/voice notes. I can skeem a message in no time but having to watch and listen to something takes ages and puts me on edge if around other people.
I'd be trying to listen with low volume and end up giving up to watch later.
Except I don't watch later.

Pretty much all. WhatsApp videos I've watched have been a waste of tim, so now just don't bother unless there's a message and ots something I'm particularly interested in.

Quite patronising to think just because someone isn't working, they should make time to respond to your msg in your specific time line

A lot could be going on in their lives.