Please be honest - would you find this rude?

[Mzrmp]

This might sound very petty but it's annoyed me.... I am on a WhatsApp group with 5 friends. All in our late 40s now, all with teens and we go back to when we met at uni at 18.

On the chat, we will occasionally post something about the kids with a photo, eg. "here's Lucy - just passed her driving test," or whatever. Not all the time, the group isn't that active, but it happens. I will always reply to something like that - for me, it's fun to see the kids being successful in their various ways or having a great time etc.

So, the other day, I put a 3 second video of my son doing something which is quite a big deal. They all watched it within a few minutes. Two of them commented, which was nice, but the other three (two of which I'd describe as my best friends) have just left it on 'read.'

I realise we're not 14, but their not commenting makes me feel as if they think I'm showing off or something like that. I never post on Instagram or anything like that, but I thought it would be ok to share this with my friends of almost 30 years.

AIBU to think this is churlish and to leave them on 'read' in future? I know it's a small thing in the scheme of things, but still, I'm annoyed.

A post saying lucy has passed her driving test, a one off / once in a lifetime

as exampled by another re a prom post or a graduation post

a post showing little johnny saying his one line in the annual Primary school play is not a one off

sending the message individually to the 5 friends is showing off, you got a response from some of them.

but you needed a response from all of them

this belated birthday do you are referring back to, did you pay for everyone to go ?

No I wouldn’t find it rude. Not unless my comments / photos were regularly ignored and I felt it was deliberate and meaningful.

Me and my group of life-long friends (since primary) are now mid-40’s and all very caught up with life / kids / work altho we all love each other dearly.

We all occasionally post in our WhatsApp group, but it waxes & wanes depending on who’s ageing parent is ill, or who’s going through mega-stress in their career etc. Sometimes one or more of us drop off the group radar and then re-join once things have settled down, with no ill-feeling….

The way we show love and understanding for each other is by having zero bloody dramatics over who-said-what-when, who’s “liked” eachother’s pictures of their kids, and who’s forgotten to reply / post…. Because we’re adults, who don’t get hung up about a load of old meaningless shit, and therefore don’t make eachother’s lives a fucking misery! 😝

Why is it rude not to comment?

no but showing an interest and caring is a sign that it’s an important relationship

Total non issue.

“Proud parent spam” is for group chats only. Don’t invade friends’ private individual WhatsApp spaces with your random spam videos and expect a response.

If you don’t understand WhatsApp then just admit it rather than slagging your friends off.

I'm late 40s... Sometimes I don't care what my friends are doing, let alone their kids.
Sometimes I have so much to deal with mentally and physically that if someone is going to get childish because I haven't replied to a WhatsApp, then I'd just block them.

I often leave photos or videos as read but not commented on - I honestly don’t know what to say, and worry about being overly nice or OTT, or completely ignorant. Please don’t overthink it. Sorry you are worrying x

It doesn’t help that your OP reads that you sent it to the group, not as your subsequent post explains - individually.

Did you send it without any message? It sounds like it. That would decrease your chance of a quick reply from me. Not through deliberate churlishness - just, I wouldn’t feel like I was in a conversation with you. Video on its own would feel like spam.

Even a “so proud of Ben today!” message would make me feel like you actually were talking to me, not just throwing out a video for the likes.

Was it clear it was a video personal to you? I receive “funny” videos from some people which I’m never in a hurry to watch. Is it possible they don’t know it’s your child?

No one (even close and longstanding friends) is quite as interested in your children and their achievements as you are. They may not have realised you wanted a response in this case.

How much did she have to spend to accompany you on this getaway of your choice? I would definitely be budgeting on a token gift and buying you a drink if I also had to pay to spend a weekend away for your 45th.

As for the video - it sounds like it might have needed sound to make sense. That does limit when and where it can be played if you're not a total arsehole who plays through your phone speaker around other people. So out and about, busy, the message goes on read, the notification has gone and people forget about it.

And if you just dropped a video in our individual chat, out of the blue and without any commentary, I might assume you did it by mistake. Especially if you have form for being a bit of a Whatsapp numpty.

They should have put a heart on it. Comments aren't necessary, not everyone knows what to say or has something relevant to add.

If they didn't heart it, or put another nice emoji on it, then of course it matters and pay no attention to those pretending otherwise. Hearting such things is a simple, basic reciprocal courtesy you extend in these circumstances and within friend groups is absolutely standard online behaviour.

So if they didn't heart it, it was deliberate. If they did, no big deal if they didn't comment.

I really disagree with that, Eyeroll. Putting an emoji on something can just as easily be a sign of thoughtlessness as it is a caring sign. It's quick, easy, requires absolutely zero thought or effort and you don't even have to read the message.

Hearts on something are the epitome of 'whatever' for me. For someone else they may mean something else.

We're all different which makes it difficult to interpret correctly what other people are saying when they can't be bothered to use actual words.

Did they actually know it was your DC in the clip? I’m not sure what I’d say if I got clip like that?

I do wonder whether you don’t quite understand what WhatsApp is normally used for - ie a two-way conversation rather posts about your life. I noticed you mentioned you don’t use Facebook or Instagram which are the more usually places to put posts like this.

One of our book club members posts pics from her holidays on our group - most people find this a bit cringy tbh, and only a couple of people like or make comment.

You are upset about someone actions and then want to do the same to them who you have been friends with for decades....

Yeah, I agree. It’s not the same as Facebragging. If I were the OP I’d have the same paranoid reaction that they thought I was showing off.

All this ‘they have lives’ just doesn’t cut it I’m afraid. It takes less time to post a heart emoji than it does to watch the video.

Do you think they might have mistaken it for spam? Was there a message with it? If a friend who never sends me videos sent me one I might make a mental note to ask her next time I see her if it was her that sent it. Depending on the message that was with it of course

This seems incredibly needy to me. It's WhatsApp, not a face to face conversation. Why on earth would you need six separate messages saying 'Aw, well done'? They've seen your post, and a couple have commented. It's not necessary for everyone to reply separately and it doesn't mean they don't care/aren't interested. You're really over-thinking this.

It’s rude.

Oh come on, do fuck off!
Do you realise that people have busy lives don't you? You may watch the video but can't just reply at that moment and later you forget about it.
Grow up.

It’s not important. Nothing to be upset about.

All of 2 seconds to type: ‘fantastic!’

Hi, they knew my son was doing this particular thing. He is only 15 and it was a quite big deal. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I don't care now.

As for the weekend away for my birthday, of course it was all on me and I didn't expect them to pay a penny for food, accommodation, drinks or anything. But I know, personally, I would not have turned up to a hotel like that empty handed. And giving me a Toblerone from the fridge in her room was just weird. But anyway, here we are. Can't do a lot about it.

Thanks very much for all the perspectives!