Please be honest - would you find this rude?

[Mzrmp]

This might sound very petty but it's annoyed me.... I am on a WhatsApp group with 5 friends. All in our late 40s now, all with teens and we go back to when we met at uni at 18.

On the chat, we will occasionally post something about the kids with a photo, eg. "here's Lucy - just passed her driving test," or whatever. Not all the time, the group isn't that active, but it happens. I will always reply to something like that - for me, it's fun to see the kids being successful in their various ways or having a great time etc.

So, the other day, I put a 3 second video of my son doing something which is quite a big deal. They all watched it within a few minutes. Two of them commented, which was nice, but the other three (two of which I'd describe as my best friends) have just left it on 'read.'

I realise we're not 14, but their not commenting makes me feel as if they think I'm showing off or something like that. I never post on Instagram or anything like that, but I thought it would be ok to share this with my friends of almost 30 years.

AIBU to think this is churlish and to leave them on 'read' in future? I know it's a small thing in the scheme of things, but still, I'm annoyed.

Cantrushart - it's not Facebook though. I too have no time for any of that. Never had a Facebook or Instagram account.

I'm sorry, but this is just fucking madness. You're calling friendships of 30 years into question over two blue ticks. It's meaningless.

Totally agree with this about fb but I think a WhatsApp group of a few close friends is different.

This is why I ensure that my WhatsApp doesnt show read receipts and doesnt show when Im online.

Headache.

"I'm sorry, but this is just fucking madness. You're calling friendships of 30 years into question over two blue ticks. It's meaningless."

😁Well, when you put it like that...,

Yes, I think this too.

I'm in my 40s and I'd barely notice, much less be annoyed, at being 'left on read' in a group chat. And if I noticed, I'd need to have had a personality transplant to think about getting my own back by 'leaving them on read'.

It does seem a bit highly strung or demanding to think that everyone must post some kind of congratulatory or celebratory message. Let it go.

To be honest, I'm still slightly annoyed with one of them about something else anyway. From last year!

You sound like a great friend. The type we'd all love to have!

After a few days no I wouldn't be offended, people are busy. After like a week yeah I'd think they were a bit ignorant.

It's been a week.

Just sending a video to an individual has a different vibe to popping it in a group chat imo, especially if you don't usually chat one on one with them.

Also agree with others - I often don't watch videos til later as I may not be able to watch them at that time. Sometimes I remember, sometimes I forget.

I really wouldn't overthink this.

Tbh I can't always be bothered to watch videos, or I open the message, see it's a video and then plan to watch it later.
They may well have done this, not remembered to watch it for a few days and then felt like it was too late to reply.
I wouldn't worry about it.

Yes I guess so, pangolina. Thanks.

No

Then either address it with them or let it go. Aren't you allegedly a grown-up?

It’s really tedious having to think up new things to say about other people’s photos and videos that you aren’t particularly interested in. Turning your WhatsApp groups into higher-pressure versions of Facebook is likely to just make people hide the group.

I don't think I'm exactly 'high pressure.' I've maybe posted 2 things about my kids in 5 years.

I've just fallen out with my BF of 10 years over this. She went ballistic at me for not giving her sympathy on WhatsApp because her 20 (<-- not a typo) YO child broke his leg.

I'm over it. Im not at school anymore and I am not up for being made to feel like crap over ridiculous stuff.

Im afraid your children and their achievements are only interesting to you and your DH (and possibly your parents).

I think it's a shame when friends can't be happy for each other occasionally. What's the point?

It depends on whether this is a pattern of behaviour i.e. when you post in the group, do they acknowledge other friends’ posts but ignore yours?

If it roughly evens out then I wouldn’t stress over it.

I have ADHD and it takes me weeks to respond to WhatsApps that don’t require a definite answer (yes, no etc). My friends and family are well trained, they know not to expect a response from me for days on end and also take their time responding to me.

What was the video? They might have just forgotten to reply. Maybe they were a bit confused about the content?

Anyway, you live and learn.

This is a divergence, but anyway.., I didn't celebrate my 40th for various reasons, so I decided to do something special for myself and these friends when I turned 45. Think a spa weekend, but it wasn't that. This friend, who I consider a best friend (going back to 18) turns up with a convoluted / super-apologetic story about her memory and the menopause and how she left my birthday gift on the table, but she'll post it. Then, she produced a crumpled Tesco bag with.... A TOBLERONE in it! Who does that? Bearing in mind, I had given her a quite personal (and also expensive) gift on her birthday just a month before. And, the supposed 'gift left at home on the table' never materialised. It annoys me more that she tuned up lying. How hard can it be?

Yes I'm looking at it in the context of 30 years. But I still think it's crap, frankly.

I can't really say what the video was, but it was a short of my DC at the end of a performance with hundreds clapping etc. And yes, I was proud and wanted to share it with a few friends. Is that showing off?

Sending it to people individually kind of is showing off tbh OP. Putting it in the group chat would've been a bit better.

Yes, that was a mistake.