For not letting my son go on holiday abroad with his best friend and his family?

[TheAvidPlumRobin]

My son (turning 15 in the summer) and this boy have been best friends for almost a year now. I'm talking two peas in a pod best friends. They're in the same school, but the bestie is 2 years older. They hang out and chat every single day. In my opinion, they have a bit of a weird dynamic because my son sees / treats him like a mentor, and the best friend is the one who takes the lead; but that's beside the point.

The best friend is rich. He's going with his family to the Seychelles (2 weeks) for Easter. Surprisingly, he invited my son (who thought he was just joking at first). Either way, the boy's parents contacted me and we met up to talk. They basically told me that they'll pay for everything (accommodation, flights, food, activities, souvenirs, etc.), and they'd love to have my son come along with them. They said that I don't have to worry about safety and such because the boys are well behaved, and they're eagle-eyed. I said I need some time to think it though.

My husband thinks it's a great opportunity since we obviously couldn't afford such a trip, plus the family has a great reputation. I'm not so sure though. Firstly, I feel uncomfortable at the thought of my son becoming a charity case. Secondly, the Seychelles is very far away, and my son has never travelled that far before. My son is very upset with the no answer, and my husband also believes I'm being unreasonable and weird about this.

I still have some time to change my mind though. I do have some doubts about my decision honestly.

Let him go.

Not the same but I am taking my son’s friend with us to Blackpool all expenses paid as I know my son is unlikely to want to go just me and him and that he will be so much easier to be with when his friend is there! That’s worth the extra expense in my eyes (and it’s Blackpool so obviously not going to cost anything like your son’s friends holiday)

@willWillSmithsmith

There is a difference.

I don't think so.

My. mum has disordered eating but she doesn’t have an eating disorder (there wouldn’t be a category she could be diagnosed with as she’s not anorexic and she’s not bulimic).

Right, there are a whole range of eating disorders and the one absolute fact about them is that the people who have them have disordered eating. The meaning of the word 'disorder' doesn't change because you use it before 'eating' instead of after.

100% let him go. I think your reasons for refusing are quite selfish ones if you ĺook at it objectively. You can't deny it would be a fantastic opportunity for him.

I think you need to break down your reservations and see if you can deal with each one

Charity case- insist on paying for some element of the trip, the parents will understand you may feel more comfortable with this. Problem solved.

Distance/unfamiliar environment- discuss with the parents to find out if there will be any trips or excursions your ds isn't equipped to deal with, if they've experienced more as a family and are likely to push the boat out. Seemingly simple things like jumping off cliffs/boats.mighr be second nature to them, but not your ds. If you can set any boundaries around this sort of thing it will put your mind at ease, as much as possible in dealing with higher possibility risks.

It does sound like you see anything strange in the friendship or dynamic. If you do, listen to that instinct and let it override everything else. If not, then ignore comments from strangers on mumsnet.

In a few short years your ds will be making decisions for himself and going where he pleases. 15 feels like an ok age to allow some freedom.

Let him go. Take opportunities when you can in life.

My only concern is he might be too late for any recommended vaccinations.

OP - this is a NORMAL thing to do.

A nice family - you say so yourself - have made a very generous offer to take your DS on an amazing holiday.

Their agenda = keep their son happy and occupied. A really really normal solution - especially with 'only' DC

You say the friendship is healthy and positive. What, in the nicest way, are you worried about?

Being an only child can be lonely (I am an only) and this would be really good for him as well an an incredible opportunity.

Please let him go

And the usual regret for people before they die is not taking enough chances in life. Life is for living.

I absolutely don’t think you should worry about the charity case thing. That’s only an issue in your mind.

However the dynamics of this friendship sound a bit…..I don’t know. They’ve only been friends a year. If something goes wrong, if they fall out, then your son is an awfully long way away from you.

Does your son have other mates?

YABU as from your replies I think that you are only saying no as you don't want to be viewed as a charity case.

My DD is an only and we took her BF away each year skiing with us from year 8 until they went to uni. The parents paid towards the trip but they were delighted as they had stopped skiing as a family and it was an easier trip for us as a family, I'm still a novice skier after all these years!

I would listen to you DS and if he wants to go then let him experience another country.

You are being very very unreasonable, sorry. This is all about you, and not your son. Put him first. Let him go. He'll always remember that holiday - and he'll always remember it if you clip his wings purely for the sake of what? I'm not quite sure but you should accept this amazing and very once-in-a-lifetime offer

I would feel uncomfortable just the way you do about money part but also about safety. How well do you know the family?

I don’t think the age gap thing is a big deal at all. One of my DD’s closest friends is two years older than her. They met at gymnastics, are obsessed with gymnastics, spend their time together watching YouTube videos of gymnasts and trying out moves. It’s perfectly common to have friends of different ages through shared hobbies or activities.

You should let him go and also stop projecting your feelings onto him. He's not a charity case have you considered that it's a win for the other family as well as they will have a happy 15 year old on holiday rather then one sulking about wanting to be home with his mates rather then his parents?!

Let him enjoy the experience.

You are being totally unreasonable. They want to take him, your son wants to go, your DH thinks it’s a great opportunity which it is. He’s not a baby, he’ll be able to cope with being away from you. Let him go.

It would be bizarre and nonsensical to turn this trip down. Maybe you could have the family over for dinner before they go as a bit of a ‘thank you’ and to get to know them better. Experiences like this can really encourage teens to have higher aspirations, not to let him could give him the idea of ‘people like us don’t do things like that’ which would be a shame.

Surely you have no real reason to not let him go - apart from your worries. It would be great for him. My son's friend has also been away with us (we paid) and it' worked out great.

Why does your 'no' decision override your DH's 'Yes' ? It sounds as if you think you should have the ultimate veto, but one of your son's parents is keen for him to have this opportunity.

Nope. Not a chance in hell would i let him go.
Hes 15. With quite a domineering vest friend. A 15yr old is way too vulnerable for this.
And its too far to get him home if it all goes tits up.
Spain maybe.
Seychelles not a chance.

The ‘charity’ comment is so insulting to the family. They can afford it, so no sacrifice, they clearly enjoy holidays where their son has company, which works well with teen hols. Who says they view you as a charity case? Do you view your friends like that when treating them to something you can easily afford?

He isn’t a small child, he’ll be 15.

If the family are sensible and responsible and your Ds has full travel insurance I would absolutely let him go!

I have a 15yr old DS and no way would I let him go for 2 weeks to Seychelles! That's a long time and a long way away if something goes wrong. This is apart from the weirdness of a 15yr old and 17yr old hanging out to this extent.

Why do you care if anyone thinks of your son as a charity case? It's got F all to do with anyone else other than you and the other family, i don't understand why people care about things like this.
Basically your insecurities are going to prevent your son having an amazing holiday. Think about that.

My daughter has been on some amazing holidays with her rich best friend. I always put together a lovely gift for the mum - one time a Fortnum box of treats when they went to Cornwall, another time Christmas gifts for the family when they took DD to Lapland.

Make sure your son takes spending money and buys ice creams and coffees for his friend and the family.

No one knows it will be an amazing holiday. It could be a nightmare. And at 15 hes too young to navigate it if it is.
Plenty of other opportunities when hes older.
Rediculous to think he 'must go'.
Baffling.

@Doteycat who would it be a nightmare? He is going with a close friend and parents the OP presumably trusts.
You have no idea if he will have these opportunities when he is older. He may not. And even if he did, does that mean children should never do anything fun because they can do them when they are older?