For not letting my son go on holiday abroad with his best friend and his family?

[TheAvidPlumRobin]

My son (turning 15 in the summer) and this boy have been best friends for almost a year now. I'm talking two peas in a pod best friends. They're in the same school, but the bestie is 2 years older. They hang out and chat every single day. In my opinion, they have a bit of a weird dynamic because my son sees / treats him like a mentor, and the best friend is the one who takes the lead; but that's beside the point.

The best friend is rich. He's going with his family to the Seychelles (2 weeks) for Easter. Surprisingly, he invited my son (who thought he was just joking at first). Either way, the boy's parents contacted me and we met up to talk. They basically told me that they'll pay for everything (accommodation, flights, food, activities, souvenirs, etc.), and they'd love to have my son come along with them. They said that I don't have to worry about safety and such because the boys are well behaved, and they're eagle-eyed. I said I need some time to think it though.

My husband thinks it's a great opportunity since we obviously couldn't afford such a trip, plus the family has a great reputation. I'm not so sure though. Firstly, I feel uncomfortable at the thought of my son becoming a charity case. Secondly, the Seychelles is very far away, and my son has never travelled that far before. My son is very upset with the no answer, and my husband also believes I'm being unreasonable and weird about this.

I still have some time to change my mind though. I do have some doubts about my decision honestly.

A niche interest/hobby
Strong moral opinions (drink/drugs)
Experience/knowledge of eating/mental health issues.

A few things stood out to me, there is a chance he (the friend) could be autistic, that makes the age gap even less odd.

I'm autistic and my friends were always younger or older, people my age weren't like me.

I'm not trying to armchair diagnose, they might be very nuerotypical, but I wouldn't immediately think grooming or something sinister.

There is a difference. My
mum has disordered eating but she doesn’t have an eating disorder (there wouldn’t be a category she could be diagnosed with as she’s not anorexic and she’s not bulimic).

I’d be as worried as you OP as I’m a born worrier (though the charity thing wouldn’t have occurred to me). If he does go can you tell him the proviso is that he stays in contact with you? (And maybe have a chat with him about being aware of his personal safety re activities etc). Also I’m sure the parents would (should) understand if you say you would like to stay in contact with them as it’s his first trip away. I know I wouldn’t mind at all keeping in touch if I was taking a friend’s child away.

Totally understand your concerns, I’d be the same. But in the end I know he’d have a great time and love travelling with his pal.

The only things to consider are

• is he ok being away from home for 2 weeks with no family etc? Only you’d know this. Once he’s gone he’s there for 2 weeks.
• That he’d have enough money on him / access to in case he needs it. Or in case of emergencies. Even though they’re paying for the most part, and have invited, it’s still good to have significant spending money so he’s not relying on them paying for stuff (though I’m sure they would!).

Do you think there’s any potential that they could have more than friendship?

That was my thought too and OP keeps ignoring the questions about it. At my dc school, the kids are really wary/disapproving of being friends with kids in the years below them, so this does feel unusual. It wasn't when I went to school, but then we also had much looser boundaries and got 'up to no good' more with older kids so I don't think the current wariness is such a bad thing really. 17 is significantly more mature than 15 for boys at that age and the way you describe it sounds like a whirlwind romance more than the usual friendship. Of course if you're cool with that being a possibility and open to them pursuing it at their age, go ahead. I'd be at least waiting till my DS was in college before being okay with this. But then I'm not so starry eyed about an exotic holiday that it obscures all other concerns. It's not that big a deal and he'll be fine without it, so I wouldn't back down.

Why on earth wouldn’t you want your DS to have such a fabulous experience? It’s an amazing opportunity and you are being very unreasonable to want to ruin that for him

It’s not uncommon at all for families of an only child to take a close friend of their DC on holiday with them - we are one of those families and it always results in us all having a much better time, rather than DD just being bored, lonely and stroppy on her own with us

Just x-posted with you responding on that matter. Fair enough. Still, the age gap would put me off until DS is a bit older and I don't see it as such a fantastic opportunity as all that.

OP I’ve not read the whole thread but to me it sounds like they share a quite niche interest . So not so surprising that there is an age and personality difference . There is 18 months between my sons who have very different personalities and they get on great ( most of the time) so I’d not worry.

Also I think it’s really common to take a friend on holiday - lots of my friends with only kids do so ( 14/15year olds) .

I would say yes and maybe invite the boy with your family next time you go somewhere . If your holiday is more modest it will be equally as rounding and valuable for the above boy

DD went on holiday with a friends family a couple of times, Italy, America, she was company for their daughter. They were wealthy, we definitely aren't. Our holiday trips were a tent on the south coast for a few days. They bought her suitable clothes for her birthday too. They were a lovely family. It widened her horizons.

If you don’t let him go he’ll probably resent you for a long time. I would let my ds go

Absolutely let him go. It’s not charity — you and your son will be doing THEM the favour. Can you imagine being a 17-year-old stuck on holiday with only your parents for company?

I don't know. I don't have any info about that (proof / confirmation) & I don't feel anything either.

At that age kids can be bored on holiday with their parents, much more fun to have a friend with them! I strongly suspect this is less about charity and more about a happier holiday for them all

I earn lots and have an only child and often invite her friends to things (although never a 2 week holiday). It's nothing to do with charity at all! I just want my kid to have another kid to hang out with. I carry a bucket of mum guilt now and then about her being an only and being stuck with me!!

I'd consider if your son would enjoy this. My DD would not as she needs lots of down time and doesn't advocate for herself well. If your son would love it and you think he'd cope being away with someone else's family for 2 weeks then I'd send him.

Let him go!

This is nothing to do with charity - the parents know their son will have a much better time with someone nearer his own age.

Let him go OP it's a fabulous opportunity I'd be just a teeny weeny bit jealous of him though

FYI loads of wealthy families invite their children's friends along on holiday. Do you feel like a charity case because you would normally not be able to afford it? What difference does it make if a wealthy boy was invited instead? They still wouldn't be paying for it.

Let your son go fgs. Next year my daughter can bring along a friend on holiday - as I think she will be old enough. Your son is much older - presumably he has a phone and you will just need to at least purchase travel insurance to cover health emergencies as well.

Hope he has a time of his life!

Agreed. Am assuming the other parent just want to make sure their kid has a nice holiday with them by bringing a friend. I have an only and usually try to coordinate with friends for fear that my kid gets bored of us. Am sure you'd be doing them a favour.

When we took friends on holiday, my parents always paid. And some friends were definitely wealthier than us. Sure the kids had their own spedning money, but may parents paid for accommodation anyway, one kid normally doesn't add to the price. Same with food, my mother was cooking anyway. I would find it weird if someone invited my kid on a holiday and then I received a bill later. Obv flights are a bit of an extra expense but our holidays with friends were always local so that wasn't an issue, I therefore can't comment on that. And again my parents were not going to ask for 1/6th of the petrol money back. That's ridiculous.
The parents normally did send something with, ie road trip snacks for everyone, or a big tin of homemade biscuits or something you know. Don't know what you would take on a flight, though. I'm not saying he should go, that's a separate issue. Only you know if you trust the parents/think the boy is a good influence etc. But I wouldn't see it as charity.

Please just let him go. It's an amazing opportunity for him and if you say no you'll be depriving him of potentially a once-in-a-lifetime trip.
Me and my siblings were better off than most of our friends when we were young and at least one of us would invite a friend on holiday for a week or two. Not once was it viewed by anybody as a charity trip. They brought a bit of pocket money, we all hung out in a villa and we had an excellent time making memories and developing friendships. You're massively overthinking this.

I went on holiday with friends as a teen and we have often taken friends for our own DC.
definitely not a charity thing!
as a teen myself, my mum would give me £ to pay for a meal out for everyone on holiday, from ‘me’, that worked well.

When I was a teen one of my closest friends was 18 months younger. We met at a drama club and hit it off brilliantly. We're still great friends 40 years later.

DS1 has always had friends at least 1 year younger than him as he was very immature socially. He's now an adult and has friends of all ages, but at school he definitely preferred to be with the year group below.

These boys have met through an East Asian Literature club, which is fairly niche. They are good friends. I really don't think it's that suspicious. The family seem nice. Why wouldn't you let him go?

At 18 DS1 refused to come on holiday with us, so we ended up either just 16 year old DS2. I really wish we'd have taken a friendof his with us. We'd have all had a better time

What are you really worried about?

If the friend is an only child it'll probably be beneficial for the family in several ways. Usually cheaper for a family of four, and the son will likely have his own twin room instead of being crammed in with the parents so it'll be great to have a friend along. Gets you a break too! He's 15, not a small child and they are best friends.
I would let him go.

It is NOT charity. 15 year olds can be a nightmare on a family holiday. Taking a friend means they are happy and the rest of the family can enjoy the holiday.

I'd be veering towards no tbh.

I can't believe how many people would just ship their kids off as it might be the only chance they get to go somewhere.