For not letting my son go on holiday abroad with his best friend and his family?

[TheAvidPlumRobin]

My son (turning 15 in the summer) and this boy have been best friends for almost a year now. I'm talking two peas in a pod best friends. They're in the same school, but the bestie is 2 years older. They hang out and chat every single day. In my opinion, they have a bit of a weird dynamic because my son sees / treats him like a mentor, and the best friend is the one who takes the lead; but that's beside the point.

The best friend is rich. He's going with his family to the Seychelles (2 weeks) for Easter. Surprisingly, he invited my son (who thought he was just joking at first). Either way, the boy's parents contacted me and we met up to talk. They basically told me that they'll pay for everything (accommodation, flights, food, activities, souvenirs, etc.), and they'd love to have my son come along with them. They said that I don't have to worry about safety and such because the boys are well behaved, and they're eagle-eyed. I said I need some time to think it though.

My husband thinks it's a great opportunity since we obviously couldn't afford such a trip, plus the family has a great reputation. I'm not so sure though. Firstly, I feel uncomfortable at the thought of my son becoming a charity case. Secondly, the Seychelles is very far away, and my son has never travelled that far before. My son is very upset with the no answer, and my husband also believes I'm being unreasonable and weird about this.

I still have some time to change my mind though. I do have some doubts about my decision honestly.

Let him go. It’s not a charity case, they just want someone to keep their son entertained. The Seychelles while amazing are not that exciting for teenage boys. It’s a great idea

What an amazing opportunity, let him go.

Get your own insurance for him, give him some spends, ask him to call you a few times to ease your mind.

Your thoughts are all valid, your a caring parent, but I think you'd be crazy to stop him going.

I have a son that age and he goes away with a friends family and we have taken friends away with us BUT I think thats too much all at once. We have taken DS friend to Spain but only after a few UK breaks to see if the dynamic worked and we have spent time together as families as well. We have atken another friend away in The Uk for a long weekend as well so I am not completely opposed to the principle but thats a long way and quite intense
I wouldnt allow long haul and for that length of time.
Lots of people will say let him go but what matters is how you feel about it

This depends on the friendship. If you’re sure it’s a genuine friendship and the older boy is not exploiting your son, then it should be fine. It’s not a charity thing - the parents would like him to have a friend so he is not dependent on them all the time.

Your son needs to consider how he’ll cope if they fall out. You can’t exactly jump in the car and pick him up.

I agree that he might get a little bored unless he lives snorkeling.
The currents are quite strong there, I might check exactly where they are going, I got quite out of shape on an island with no lifeguards there.

Mumsnet is such a weird place that the minute something is suggested it’s seen as ‘controlling’ (thread on work trip to London), ‘spoiling’ (gps funding gap year) or sinister (this one). If the 15 year old kid wants to go and the family seem fine, why not let him? Why is it that we look for the worst in people?

I do understand why it might feel a bit off. This is an expensive trip. Like once in a lifetime people save for years honeymoon holiday. Maybe it is because eof my upbringing but we never took friends to family holidays so I always find it a bit odd.

I'd let him go if we had enough money for a return ticket (even on credit card) in case something goes wrong. You know the kid and you know the parents so if you have no security issues or feel like they're gonna dcrew him over then it is a great opportunity

I didn't say eating disorder, I said disordered eating problem.

🙄🙄🙄

It sounds like an incredible opportunity for him and you can easily stay in touch! It probably sounds scary as he's your only kid and it's a grown up step, but it sounds like a perfect set-up with respectable boy and parents. Would you be letting him go if it was a far away school trip?

Don’t be ridiculous!! My DD is 17 and her best friend is 15. They have been friends since 10 and 12. They have also holidayed together with both us and her friends parents. Let him go OP, he will resent you if you don’t .

Definitely let him go. You sound a bit mean about it. Don't let your own money hang ups affect him and his life opportunities. I was taken on holiday by my teenage bf family a few times...they were proper luxurious holidays and absolutely amazing experiences I could never have afforded (and probably never will again). I was there because the family wanted me there and because they could afford to pay for me to go. Let him go!!

no chance would I let my 15 year old child go to another country without a parent or close relative

op you avoided answering when asked but are you concerned that its a sexual relatipnship? that he might coerce you son into something? otherwise i don't think its a huge age gap esp give nthe context of shared interests being quite niche. it isn't charity to invite your best mate, its charity to pick a random poor kid and invite him. you're probably making their lives easier as they won't have a bored teen tagging along

They obviously want company for their DS on holiday and are pleased he's found a friend he gets on with really well

If they can afford it it's probably not even a noticeable dent to their finances

They'll get their peace and quiet

I'd definitely let my DC go

My son had several foreign summer holidays, in his teens, with a school friend's family. They wanted company for their son, which made the holiday happier for everyone. We gave him some spending money (make sure your son understands local prices etc)

He wants to go they are happy to take him and cover the costs so what's the issue? I was expecting to read he's about 10 but 15 assuming he has no SEN I would let him go.

It sounds like a great opportunity and I would let him go - I’m an only child and from age 10 my family used to always take 1 of my friends away on our abroad holidays.
I never really thought much of it at the time, but looking back now I assume it was so I was entertained and they could relax more which makes a lot of sense.
We will probably do the same when DD7 is older as she is also an only child.

I still have great memories of a trip to Disney with my best friend. Her family paid and it’s not something we could have afforded. It helps the parents with older kids who may otherwise be bored or not enjoy the experience as much. We have also done the same for our children as they got older.

What a fantastic opportunity for him - I am with your DH! Why would anyone think he’s a charity case?

I'm not avoiding questions. It's just that I wasn't expecting so many replies and haven't gotten the chance to read all of them. No, I'm not concerned about that. My radar doesn't ping anything.

Let him go! Don't spoil a wonderful opportunity for him!

let him go OP. If I was in your son’s position I wouldn’t forgive you. There are no red flags, only that you dont want to feel as a charity case. Swallow your pride and let your son enjoy his time with his friend. I went to holidays with my friend’s parents, we were well off too, nobody treated me or thought I was a charity case, so no-one will automatically assume this.

He has to go!!!

Don't hold him back because of irrational fears. I'm sure there is a British embassy there if anything really bad happens (it won't)

Let him go! Don't let your pride come before his happiness and good opportunities.