For not letting my son go on holiday abroad with his best friend and his family?

[TheAvidPlumRobin]

My son (turning 15 in the summer) and this boy have been best friends for almost a year now. I'm talking two peas in a pod best friends. They're in the same school, but the bestie is 2 years older. They hang out and chat every single day. In my opinion, they have a bit of a weird dynamic because my son sees / treats him like a mentor, and the best friend is the one who takes the lead; but that's beside the point.

The best friend is rich. He's going with his family to the Seychelles (2 weeks) for Easter. Surprisingly, he invited my son (who thought he was just joking at first). Either way, the boy's parents contacted me and we met up to talk. They basically told me that they'll pay for everything (accommodation, flights, food, activities, souvenirs, etc.), and they'd love to have my son come along with them. They said that I don't have to worry about safety and such because the boys are well behaved, and they're eagle-eyed. I said I need some time to think it though.

My husband thinks it's a great opportunity since we obviously couldn't afford such a trip, plus the family has a great reputation. I'm not so sure though. Firstly, I feel uncomfortable at the thought of my son becoming a charity case. Secondly, the Seychelles is very far away, and my son has never travelled that far before. My son is very upset with the no answer, and my husband also believes I'm being unreasonable and weird about this.

I still have some time to change my mind though. I do have some doubts about my decision honestly.

I'm genuinely baffled about the grooming chat on this thread. They're 14 and 16, will be 15 and 17 by the time they potentially go on holiday together. Do people honestly perceive this age gap to be something insidious?!

I wonder if its because in the UK, 16 is a watershed age. A 17 year old would in in sixth form or college, a 15 year old is pre GCSE. Also 16 is the age of consent . The OP though has said that they are not in the UK .

On balance I would say yes OP and let him go becasue he will likely have a fabulous time, but I would nevertheless be keeping a close eye on the friendship. It does sound as if there is a bit of a power imbalance and sometimes gut feeling is correct.

I can understand your misgivings @TheAvidPlumRobin because of the 2 year age gap.
Good reply from @DepartureLounge and @CaramelMac.

How many hours flight is it to the Seychelles from where you are @TheAvidPlumRobin ? As most people have been assuming 14 hours from the UK.

OK so not next week but pretty soon.

The time to have misgivings was when it was first booked. At this stage you've pretty much signed him up for it and can only wait amd see that his friendship of a year doesn't falter whilst on a long haul trip..

You should swallow your pride and let him go. He may never have the opportunity to go somewhere like that again. It is a piece of good fortune and you are thinking of refusing it partly to save face at accepting the free trip. If you can afford it, offer some spending money if that makes it more palatable. I think your son would be rightly very cross if you prevent this trip.

'In my opinion, they have a bit of a weird dynamic because my son sees / treats him like a mentor, and the best friend is the one who takes the lead; but that's beside the point.'

It's not a normal friendship is it. I'm not thinking grooming or anything dodgy just 15yr olds tend to hang out and have equal friendships. They don't have 'mentors'. What if the best friend <of less than a year> takes the lead every single day of their hol. Sounds a right laugh. Not.

As teenagers, we used to have 2 holidays during the summer holiday - one abroad and one in the UK. We were each allowed to invite a friend (so one year i would invite someone on UK one, DSis would invite abroad, then the other way round the next year).

It wasn't about another family being a charity case. My parents just wanted us to have the best possible holiday and we were lucky enough to be able to afford to bring someone. I have wonderful memories of those holidays. I'm sure It was more fun for my parents too - they might organise an activity for us to do as a group while they went to do something we wouldn't enjoy.

Why would it be a charity case? I had a friend at secondary school who was always allowed to invite a friend on holidays and her brother was allowed a friend too. I went a few times and my mum didn’t even think of it being charity at all, just extra company for their kids 🤷🏻‍♀️We never did it as there were three of us siblings, we probably couldn’t afford to pay for friends too (weren’t poor, but it’s still expensive) and my family likely wanted it just us as family.
It would be an amazing experience for him

Let him go! If you’ve met the parents and you know the boys get on well he will have an incredible one in a lifetime trip! Some of the best holidays I had as a child (albeit not the Seychelles) but in Europe were when my best friend came with us too!

The trip is at Easter, so they will be 14 and 16 in fact, as their birthdays aren't until the summer. Grooming would not have occurred to me personally, but I think 14 is very young to be in this situation.

Say he can go, but only if they get you a plane ticket too! (Joking, obviously).

I would say yes. My kids have always had friends of different ages, met in clubs, class, plays, work, sports etc or just through their siblings. AS long as I felt comfortable with the parents, I'd be ok with it.

13-14h including a stopover in Doha.

Two years is like ten years apart when you're teenagers

Not really by the age of 15 upwards, if the teenagers in question are reasonably mature. In secondary school I was youngest in my class by up to three years as they used to group people by ability as much as age, and for some time I struggled to make close friends. However, in Year 11 at age 14 I finally made good friends with a couple of kids who were respectively one and two years older and stayed friends, in what was was an entirely normal, straightforward friendship group.

Haven’t read the full thread but @TheAvidPlumRobin its fairly normal to invite DC friends on holiday, and not expect them to pay as that’s how invitations work. Definitely won’t be seen as a charity case, and you won’t be expected to reciprocate as most people do not operate in this basis when invited their DC friends on holiday.

You are overthinking things.

Your son will probably never forgive you for missing this wonderful opportunity.
He’s not a charity case. Why can’t people accept kindness.

He’s 15… I say he’d be fine. He wouldn’t be the first to go on a trip like this, OP.

Sounds great to me providing you are comfortable that the parents are solid. I think that if it were 2 girls no one would be batting an eyelid about age difference. Let him go!

Given everything you’ve said, I can’t really see the issue tbh. As long as you trust the parents to keep a proper eye on them and not let them do anything stupid like night swimming or jumping off big rocks, and you see eye to eye on things like alcohol.

The “mentor” type relationship does seem a bit unusual but doesn’t sound harmful if you are comfortable nothing else is going on.

I'd let him go, it will be a wonderful experience, I would have been the same as you though, I'd worry from the moment he left until the moment he arrived home. The family sound great and I'think your son would never been seen as a charity case. You'll be the best Mum ever if you reconsider and let him go 😊 certainly in his eyes.

I would say no. They could be perverts and your son is stuck thousands of miles away with them. Nope. Nobody would be buying my child.

I was in a similar situation when I was 15.

my best friends parent were rich and they took me to Disney for two weeks. Fully paid. Mum and dad weren’t sure but let me go and it was honestly one of the most greatest experiences ever. And I’m so glad they trusted the family and me to go.