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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not letting my son go on holiday abroad with his best friend and his family?

482 replies

TheAvidPlumRobin · 18/03/2024 11:28

My son (turning 15 in the summer) and this boy have been best friends for almost a year now. I'm talking two peas in a pod best friends. They're in the same school, but the bestie is 2 years older. They hang out and chat every single day. In my opinion, they have a bit of a weird dynamic because my son sees / treats him like a mentor, and the best friend is the one who takes the lead; but that's beside the point.

The best friend is rich. He's going with his family to the Seychelles (2 weeks) for Easter. Surprisingly, he invited my son (who thought he was just joking at first). Either way, the boy's parents contacted me and we met up to talk. They basically told me that they'll pay for everything (accommodation, flights, food, activities, souvenirs, etc.), and they'd love to have my son come along with them. They said that I don't have to worry about safety and such because the boys are well behaved, and they're eagle-eyed. I said I need some time to think it though.

My husband thinks it's a great opportunity since we obviously couldn't afford such a trip, plus the family has a great reputation. I'm not so sure though. Firstly, I feel uncomfortable at the thought of my son becoming a charity case. Secondly, the Seychelles is very far away, and my son has never travelled that far before. My son is very upset with the no answer, and my husband also believes I'm being unreasonable and weird about this.

I still have some time to change my mind though. I do have some doubts about my decision honestly.

OP posts:
PickledPurplePickle · 18/03/2024 16:05

Let him go

Yes its a long way, but he will be with adults

I have literally just come back from the Seychelles, and it was safe and amazing

bluelavender · 18/03/2024 16:06

They want your son to come to keep their son entertained. Plus they obviously think that your son is delightful and lovely to be around, which is a credit to you.

This is a lovely opportunity for your son. Its good to consider risks but I think you should strongly consider what he would like to do

MCOut · 18/03/2024 16:07

YABU. I think my only reservation would be that you don’t know the parents well but I think he’s old enough for that to be a little less of a problem. Don’t push your values around money onto them. They won’t feel like you owe them anything, they will probably feel like you are doing them a favour in allowing your son to come and provide company for theirs.

It’s a safe destination and personally I don’t think it matters whether it’s long or short haul. From your standpoint, the process is exactly the same. Either way you have to get him to the airport on time, he’s got to be sensible once he gets there, you’re not going to see him for x amount of time etc

Redpaisley · 18/03/2024 16:08

Doteycat · 18/03/2024 15:31

He will in his arse.
He will grow up and realise his mother did what was right for him.

Show quote history

He will in his arse.

From the tone of your replies, you sound pretty tough and my way is the best way person.

MushroomQueen · 18/03/2024 16:08

i went on an all inclusive 2 week holiday with my friends parents / I was 14 and granted it was Portugal but they had a long conversation with my parents as one of their foster children had left the home and so a space opened up, was a great trip i would let them go.

KERALA1 · 18/03/2024 16:08

You’re being unreasonable on the charity case thing - inverted snobbery and it’s of benefit to them as a mopey teen on holiday is no fun for anyone. My friend confided that dd2 had made their holiday last year as kept their Dd happy and was good company.

That said I would have reservations here. That’s an odd age gap same age as my two and their stages are pretty different. The family Dd went with we know very well are great friends and the girls have known each other all their lives and are both very easy going. Even in those circs dd2 said 2 weeks was slightly too long.

TempleOfBloom · 18/03/2024 16:10

DoteyCat - can I ask did you do any travelling as a young person? Or been long haul?

It's just I was Youth Hostelling across the UK with friends from age 13 onwards (no adults), catching planes alone to visit penfriends from 15, and all sorts after that. My DCs have done similar - they are smart, can communicate, and only learn to develop independence by being independent.

If the friendship goes tits up during the holiday, he has 10 days of sulking into his book / phone on the beach for 10 days. It's a beach hol, not Lord of the Flies. If he has an accident there will be good quality healthcare within reach, phones, facetime, holiday insurance and responsible adults.

DriveMeCrazy1974 · 18/03/2024 16:10

I can't believe you'd deny your son this opportunity. When my son was younger he had a friend that we took away on several holidays with us. We were the poorer of the two families and our holidays were always in the UK, but, it made more sense to us that our son had a friend to hang around as he is an only child.
It's likely that it'll make life for the parents too as they won't feel they need to constantly amuse their son (even if he is 15!).

coureur · 18/03/2024 16:11

We have an only teenage DS. The thought of a holiday WITHOUT a friend fills me with horror.

Allfur · 18/03/2024 16:12

What an amazing opportunity, how would you say no!

coureur · 18/03/2024 16:14

Janiie · 18/03/2024 15:49

Isn't Easter like next week? Confused

Depends where in the world you are.

DodoTired · 18/03/2024 16:15

Sorry… the boy is 2 years older? Is there any kind of grooming going on?

DragonFly98 · 18/03/2024 16:16

A charity case is weird thinking. They aren't offering to benefit your son they are are doing it to benefit their son. Not saying they aren't nice people but we have done the same so our teen had a friend on somewhere as expensive though.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 18/03/2024 16:16

My best friend was in same situation with her son whose bestie's family are very wealthy (sold a company for over 200million rich). They have property at an exclusive "just for rich/celebrities" type of place and all her son needed was his suitcase. He went and had the time of his life. The other boy's family know they're in a different financial position than almost everyone else and realize that by sharing in this way everyone gets to gave fun.

Original poster
TheAvidPlumRobin · 18/03/2024 16:19

DodoTired · 18/03/2024 16:15

Sorry… the boy is 2 years older? Is there any kind of grooming going on?

No. They're just 1 grade apart in school. Son is in 9th grade and the best friend in 10th grade. Best friend started 1st grade at 7 (the traditional age in our country), while we chose the more international age of 6.

OP posts:
Doteycat · 18/03/2024 16:19

Redpaisley · 18/03/2024 16:08

He will in his arse.

From the tone of your replies, you sound pretty tough and my way is the best way person.

Edited
Show quote history

Well you're wrong. And rude

Doteycat · 18/03/2024 16:23

TempleOfBloom · 18/03/2024 16:10

DoteyCat - can I ask did you do any travelling as a young person? Or been long haul?

It's just I was Youth Hostelling across the UK with friends from age 13 onwards (no adults), catching planes alone to visit penfriends from 15, and all sorts after that. My DCs have done similar - they are smart, can communicate, and only learn to develop independence by being independent.

If the friendship goes tits up during the holiday, he has 10 days of sulking into his book / phone on the beach for 10 days. It's a beach hol, not Lord of the Flies. If he has an accident there will be good quality healthcare within reach, phones, facetime, holiday insurance and responsible adults.

My kids are incredibly independant.
I didnt need to ship them off for 2 weeka at 15 for them to learn that.
We have done plenty of travelling and my dds as adults have been all over the world on their own since they turned 18.
15 is too young.

charliefair · 18/03/2024 16:23

No. They're just 1 grade apart in school. Son is in 9th grade and the best friend in 10th grade. Best friend started 1st grade at 7 (the traditional age in our country), while we chose the more international age of 6.

School years don't make the 17 year old any younger not your 15 year old any older. The question of grooming when it comes to 15 & 17 year olds is entirely reasonable.

KomodoOhno · 18/03/2024 16:23

AgentProvocateur · 18/03/2024 11:33

I think your reasons for not saying yes are a bit unreasonable. The “charity case” comment says more about you than the host family, who are probably delighted to have company for their son. It’s easier with two than one. The Seychelles is very far away, but that’s what’s exciting about it. It’s a great opportunity for your son.

Please don't let your hang ups about their wealth stop your son from an amazing adventure. I'm guessing part if it is since you are not able to but they are you will lose out in your son's eyes. You have to put him first.

Channellingsophistication · 18/03/2024 16:23

I think you have to let him go he may resent you otherwise and never forget it… Remember Mum when when you wouldnt let me go to the seychelles…

The boys parents are not offering due to charity. They want their DS to have a good time. We have an only DS and happily had his friend along a few times (not as lavish just UK hols) because it made it more fun for DS.

As a PP said given his friend older be sure your DS can say no to activities etc he doesnt feel comfortable with. I think this is really important.

Original poster
TheAvidPlumRobin · 18/03/2024 16:26

charliefair · 18/03/2024 16:23

No. They're just 1 grade apart in school. Son is in 9th grade and the best friend in 10th grade. Best friend started 1st grade at 7 (the traditional age in our country), while we chose the more international age of 6.

School years don't make the 17 year old any younger not your 15 year old any older. The question of grooming when it comes to 15 & 17 year olds is entirely reasonable.

It's just 2 years, not 10. Everybody I know had friends younger and older at that age. The 2 concerns I stated had nothing to do with how old the best friend is.

OP posts:
shhsj · 18/03/2024 16:28

Let him go. It's not a case of you being a charity case rather they want company for their child on holiday and obviously know it's unreasonable to ask for any money toward that.

I used to go on holiday with friends (I was an only), had a great time.

grinandslothit · 18/03/2024 16:30

Of course let him go.

I really don't understand why you wouldn't. What do you think will happen?

charliefair · 18/03/2024 16:31

It's just 2 years, not 10. Everybody I know had friends younger and older at that age. The 2 concerns I stated had nothing to do with how old the best friend is.

Why are you being so defensive, the posters who asked about potential grooming are being real. Yes they can have friends younger and older at that age but when a 15 and a 17 are best friends it's important for you as the parent to ensure the balance isn't off. Instead of getting annoyed at the question, consider it and then if you see no red flags, move on.

SherrieElmer · 18/03/2024 16:34

It find it perfectly reasonable to have objections with your son travelling abroad with a family you barely know. Kudos to you for sticking to your guns.
Your son may no understand your decision. He is a teenager after all. But at the end of the day you are his mother and he is still not an adult so you have the final say. He is more than welcome to travel the world up and down once he's reach adulthood and he can take his own decisions.