To be fuming at my mum over birthday present?

[SilverSeat]

DDs birthday on Wednesday. My mum asked me ages ago what she wanted and I said “well all she keeps going on about is this princess castle so I’m getting her that”. My mum said “oh can I get her that? I don’t know what else to get her”. I said “it’s expensive though, £80” my mum said “oh that’s fine!”.

now my mum has form for buying the complete opposite of what you’ve told her so I showed her a picture of it, the make, where to buy it etc - she said that’s fine. I said “ok if you’re definitely getting her that exact castle (it had to be that one as her cousin has it and DD is obsessed with it, as I explained) I’ll get her the electric car”.

i bought the car £80. My mum called yesterday and said she’d got the castle - great. She then added “it was a bargain! It was only £25!” My heart sank … I said “it can’t have been, where did you get it from??” And she told me the name of this shop. I asked her to send me a photo?” So she did …

it’s the complete opposite of what I showed her. It’s a grey medieval castle with soldiers and cannons etc. I said “I told you it was the pink princess castle!” And she said “Her dolls will fit in it though”

FFS

DD thinks she’s getting the princess castle and is so excited, now I have to go out and buy the bloody thing after already buying the car. My mum is “upset” that I’m replacing her present. She used to do this kind of shit to me when I was a kid and I’m not allowing DD to go through it. She cocked up one of her Christmas presents in the same manner. AIBU to be really fucking annoyed and AIBU to replace the present?

Id rather she didn’t buy her a present at all then at least I’d know what to buy!!

this. It is a power thing isnt it.

Can you take the car back. Buy her the castle she wants and also let your mum give her the one she bought. That way she can play with both. But in future don't tell your mum what you are buying her so she can't do this in the future

@PassingStranger

But she didn't suggest that all, the OP stated that is what she was buying and then the mother muscled in on it because she didn't know what to get her. The OP also double checked that the price was ok and the mother said it was fine.

People are mixing up pink with stereotypically "girly" things.

As a kid pink was my favourite colour. I had a pink football which I played with alongside my brother. As an adult I have a pink tool kit which I use to do all the DIY around the house.

Pink doesn't have to equal "girly".

Could you return the car @SilverSeat and get the correct castle?

You are not being unreasonable at all op.

On another note, I am sad I'm so late to the thread and all MySillyDog81s comments have been deleted! I'd love to have seen, what seems like, total batshittery

Infuriating. I hate when people don’t make sense.

Maybe she doesn't want to play war or battles?

But OP has clearly stated she doesn’t get everything in pink. Her DD likes dinosaurs and she often chooses clothes from the boys’ section. There’s no evidence that she would reject things that aren’t pink in general but in this specific case, the castle she wants is pink.

It’s not going to broaden her horizons to give her the grey one, she’s just going to remember this as the birthday she didn’t get the pink castle she begged for when she’s older.

What's all this talk about girly and non-girly and boyish. It's just toys.

Ah I just don't think parents get it. My inlaws were the same at xmas. My son liked 'Disney cars' they got him a multipack of cars from Amazon. Not the same.
And were pissed off when my son opened them and couldn't have cared less about them. It's not being ungrateful, times have changed now and kids know the difference.

My gran had form for this with my mum - my mum always got a slightly wrong version of whatever she asked for as a child/teen because her mum thought having things that were a ‘bit different’ was nicer. My mum learned from this and never relied on my gran to get her anything she wanted or anything we wanted.

She dosent know, as she's not had the chance to see.

For my birthday in 1973 I really wanted a pony with saddle and bridle for my Sindy doll… my mum got me a horse with chainmail for a Knight in shining armour. Still pissed off about it so YANBU 😂

Yanbu I have a mother who does this too. Did it to me all my childhood and did it for my dcs first birthday. I've never ever told her to get him anything specific again. They just don't care and just give any old rubbish

YANBU - of course get her the castle she actually wants (and try to return the car if you can?) but I wouldn't trust your mum with anything like this again, you shouldn't have trusted her this time really but...sometimes we need to be really sure I guess.

Your mum sounds like she is quite immature - do you think she did this on purpose? The fact that she is making sure you know she is 'upset' rather than trying to sort out her error...

I learnt that if there is a must have gift then buy it yourself. Yes it's annoying though. Dh's family will buy what asked whereas mine don't always

I haven't said she should. I'm talking about a grey castle being "boysy"

I never said she couldn't! Jeez

You were unreasonable to trust her with the vital gift given she has form. I'd have stuck to my guns and said I was getting it or if she was insistent told her I'd get it and she could pay if she wanted. When a person always does something wrong it makes no sense to believe they will suddenly get it right.

It's not entitled to want your child to get the one thing they've asked for especially when they are young.

Have those saying the OP is BU never brought their child what they wanted or does everything have to be a moral lesson about being grateful for getting anything at all?

OP YADNBU my PIL are exactly the same and after one too many times of being left with a disappointed child I gave up giving them any ideas at all. At least this way the few much wanted gifts actually make an appearance on birthdays and Christmas.

@PassingStranger it may seem ungrateful but to a child (or in fact anyone) who is looking forward to a specific thing only to be given something different - it's just disappointment really.
When someone is disappointed it can be hard to fake all the "yay.... happy" - especially if it's a child.

Bit busy now but for those insisting that I’m brainwashing her into pink stuff … I was so into boys stuff when I was a kid that the adults used to joke that I’d turn into a boy (quite topical these days!). I liked He-Man and skeletor, ninja turtles, WWE …

One year I was desperate for castle Grayskull and despite my mum telling me she was getting it for Christmas - she got me a Cindy House instead. She likes to bring it up now and again about how much she’d spent on this Cindy House and I never bothered with it … instead using the box it came in to build a den.

Believe me - I’ve not encouraged girly stuff at all. I’d love to buy her castle grayskull (then I could play with it!!!) but she likes what she likes.

She’s 5. She’s getting a bloody car, she doesn’t need a castle too!