To be fuming at my mum over birthday present?

[SilverSeat]

DDs birthday on Wednesday. My mum asked me ages ago what she wanted and I said “well all she keeps going on about is this princess castle so I’m getting her that”. My mum said “oh can I get her that? I don’t know what else to get her”. I said “it’s expensive though, £80” my mum said “oh that’s fine!”.

now my mum has form for buying the complete opposite of what you’ve told her so I showed her a picture of it, the make, where to buy it etc - she said that’s fine. I said “ok if you’re definitely getting her that exact castle (it had to be that one as her cousin has it and DD is obsessed with it, as I explained) I’ll get her the electric car”.

i bought the car £80. My mum called yesterday and said she’d got the castle - great. She then added “it was a bargain! It was only £25!” My heart sank … I said “it can’t have been, where did you get it from??” And she told me the name of this shop. I asked her to send me a photo?” So she did …

it’s the complete opposite of what I showed her. It’s a grey medieval castle with soldiers and cannons etc. I said “I told you it was the pink princess castle!” And she said “Her dolls will fit in it though”

FFS

DD thinks she’s getting the princess castle and is so excited, now I have to go out and buy the bloody thing after already buying the car. My mum is “upset” that I’m replacing her present. She used to do this kind of shit to me when I was a kid and I’m not allowing DD to go through it. She cocked up one of her Christmas presents in the same manner. AIBU to be really fucking annoyed and AIBU to replace the present?

Id rather she didn’t buy her a present at all then at least I’d know what to buy!!

That's not what birthday celebrations are for.

Indeed - it sounds positively Dickensian and designed to prevent anybody getting above their station by daring to hope for happiness.

A little girl sets her heart on a specific toy that she already knows she loves and asks for it for her big birthday present; you'd have to have a heart of stone to be desperately searching for arbitrary reasons why she shouldn't have it, even though it is affordable and achievable for her adult loved ones, 'just because'.

Did you give them her back to change or take him to the shop to exchange them?

She gave me the receipt and told me to "just swap them then" but by that point, the stuff he'd wanted had sold out.

This made me angry because it was done deliberately in a petty attempt to annoy and inconvenience me, but she used my DS to do it.

This. MIL does the same so we don’t farm out any of the big presents anymore

When I was a little girl, I'd have wanted the grey soldier fort (in fact, I got a Lego one).

You've inadvertently done the same thing as OP's mum, and generalised about the specific child's wishes.

OP - you know this already, but you have to stop expecting your mum to heal the way she treated you via the way she treats your daughter!

(I have a similar mum, and although I happily have an almost entirely secondhand wardrobe for my son, it does sting a little on his behalf that she's not bought him anything new specially for him.)

To this day, I still remember asking my mum for Hollywood hair Barbie for my birthday. I was about 6. I got given a glitter glue barbie. I was sooo upset!! I never understood why she got me the wrong one as she had always got me the 'correct' presents before. My mum just said she thought that Barbie would be more fun 🥴
Definitely get your daughter the right castle 😄

It is interesting how many posters can still remember the big disappointments from their childhood birthdays and Christmases. My DH still talks about the one (inexpensive) thing that he kept asking for as a child but never got. Children are affected by the thoughtlessness of adults and the negative experiences tend to stay at the forefront of our memories even when many more positive ones are in there too somewhere.
I hope your little girl has a lovely birthday today OP.

My daughter would be livid if I did this. What is the point of buying a present if it isn't what she's asked for? If there isn't anything she actually wants I buy her a small present and give her mum some money to buy something if she sees something she likes.
My DiL prefers her children to have vouchers as her children are older and usually want clothes.

I would use this as a teaching opportunity.

No, not for the child but for the controlling granny. Let your DD open grandma's present first, let grandma see your little girl's WTF face at getting a battle fort and then let your little girl open her present if the actual thing she f#%ing wanted and squeal with happiness. And if grandma looks offended then she should be. If she takes issue with it, tell her clearly that your DD is acting like that because THAT is the castle she wanted, not some cheap boys battle fort and you didn't want to let your daughter down.

And yes, girls may enjoy a battle fort too but let's not pretend that boys and girls toys aren't a thing. I raised my son with everything pink thanks to him having sisters and while he did play with them initially, he naturally gravitated towards Batman, cars, guns, monsters, dinosaurs, battle forts, Spider-Man and things like that. He watched Foreman Sam and Cars and couldn't GAF about Sofia the First or Barbie and the Mermaid, Princess, Fairy, Butterfly or whatever shite it was.

A little girl wants a pink fairy castle, not a grey soldier fort which is what I would buy my ds when he was young

When I was a little girl, I'd have wanted the grey soldier fort (in fact, I got a Lego one).

You've inadvertently done the same thing as OP's mum, and generalised about the specific child's wishes.

I read that as THIS little girl wants a pink fairy castle - the one that she has specifically asked for - and not that ALL little girls would automatically choose that over a grey battle fort.

He watched Foreman Sam

Ooh, that sounds booooring!

"Make sure you've completed your health & safety risk assessments before commencing work, people; and get your signed off timesheets in to me by lunchtime on Thursday."

5 years old hope she has had a happy birthday and you have had fun to. I have 3 kids 1 girl and 2 boys, when my daughter was 5 she loved the pink castles and pink things in general, always thought she would be godly girly by her choices at that age group. 😂 she is now 12 and if I bought her anything pink now she would probably throw it at me, she skateboards now and is a little punk 😂 but at 5 years old with the built up anticipation of a pink castle for her birthday she would have been hugely disappointed getting a gray boys style instead. I get it. I don’t know why your mum has not learned that a child likes what they like and 5 years old we spent the first 3 years getting them excited and learn how to open presents she a little too young to understand we don’t always get what we want when it is a main present. Hope your mum learns from this one tbh next time I would give her the list of things that can be anything like little extras like play doh

Why tell her that's what she's getting. Kids don't have to have everything all at once. They don't need to have everything the same as cousins etc.

Because shes five and its her birthday 🙄

Because that is what she really wanted for her birthday. She is five! Giving her the one present that she has been wanting for ages and loves playing with is hardly giving her "everything all at once" and yes, sometimes children do want what their friends or relatives have. Again, ONE present the same as her cousin's is not having EVERYTHING the same. 🙄

I'm sure there are some parents out there who are deliberately looking for excuses to sadden and disappoint their children, by passing it off as 'discipline'. Poor little mites.

How do you compute ONE TOY into "everything"????!!

Yep! I can only assume that some posters on here don't actually have children of their own (or at least I hope they don't!). What sad childhoods they must have had themselves if they really believe that such unnecessary, awful treatment is the norm. 😩

I wouldn’t have told her she was getting it or trusted my mother to buy something so expensive knowing she would do something like that! Not that mine would! But common sense in future tells you tell your mother something cheaper you know she can afford and go with her!
Anything so expensive you buy, then no confusion no tears and tantrums, but £80 for a plastic castle 😱for a child’s birthday! Christmas maybe? unless they had been undually ill and made a spectacular recovery or something? Why not suggest going halves instead and you get it something else!? But maybe make sure she has the share of cost? Don’t forget you do this once you’re daughter is going to expect this and bigger things every year im assuming at the moment she is your only child and maybe not your mother’s only grandchild?

Alternatively change your present for the castle or let her have the car now and tell her you have had to order the right castle from farther Christmas for this year this has the shop only had the display model use some initiative 🙄I certainly wouldn’t by both for a five year olds birthday! 😱🙄

Why not read the full thread?

@IngridPrice

Don’t forget you do this once you’re daughter is going to expect this and bigger things every year

Oh for goodness' sake! SHE IS FIVE!🙄

You also need to read the full thread!

I have a relative who does this! I suggest in future you buy the presents and ask your mum to send you the money and you’ll wrap it up “from grandma”

£80 for a child's birthday present is not really over the top
It might be out-of the price range of some people but the Op had budgeted for it
It was the aGrandma who then offered to buy it inspite of knowing the price range
And then got something completely different .

Well said.