To be fuming at my mum over birthday present?

[SilverSeat]

DDs birthday on Wednesday. My mum asked me ages ago what she wanted and I said “well all she keeps going on about is this princess castle so I’m getting her that”. My mum said “oh can I get her that? I don’t know what else to get her”. I said “it’s expensive though, £80” my mum said “oh that’s fine!”.

now my mum has form for buying the complete opposite of what you’ve told her so I showed her a picture of it, the make, where to buy it etc - she said that’s fine. I said “ok if you’re definitely getting her that exact castle (it had to be that one as her cousin has it and DD is obsessed with it, as I explained) I’ll get her the electric car”.

i bought the car £80. My mum called yesterday and said she’d got the castle - great. She then added “it was a bargain! It was only £25!” My heart sank … I said “it can’t have been, where did you get it from??” And she told me the name of this shop. I asked her to send me a photo?” So she did …

it’s the complete opposite of what I showed her. It’s a grey medieval castle with soldiers and cannons etc. I said “I told you it was the pink princess castle!” And she said “Her dolls will fit in it though”

FFS

DD thinks she’s getting the princess castle and is so excited, now I have to go out and buy the bloody thing after already buying the car. My mum is “upset” that I’m replacing her present. She used to do this kind of shit to me when I was a kid and I’m not allowing DD to go through it. She cocked up one of her Christmas presents in the same manner. AIBU to be really fucking annoyed and AIBU to replace the present?

Id rather she didn’t buy her a present at all then at least I’d know what to buy!!

You're not at all unreasonable. Buy the castle your daughter is expecting, and try to return the car at the same time. If you can't then hopefully you can keep it for Christmas. Your mum sounds like a total PITA.

There's no mention of unicorns. If you keep buying pink stuff it will reinforce it

YABU
She has form for this, you are daft to keep giving her the opportunity to do this sort of nonsense. Next time, give her a few ideas like books, money and unimportant presents and save the things that matter for people who can be bothered.
Yes, I think you are very poor on gender straitjackets, but that’s not the point of your post.

My mum is like this. Lesson learned- in future if there’s something your DD really wants but it yourself.

Having the two different castles probably gives lots of play possibilities so it’s not wasted.

I'd keep some books or something on backup for gift lists for your mum. Box sets of this or that, or craft materials. Easily regifted at parties if she goes off list again.

Totally agree with where you're coming from though. It's like buying a toy submarine for a child who wants an Octopod.

One of my parents does this too. It's very annoying! Why do they do this?

My dds grandparents had firm for this. One year they promised her an expensive pair of trainers- she was 11. She was so excited and bought outfits to go with them lol even though I told gps I’d get them, they insisted they wanted to.
Anyway Christmas came and they got her a cheap top from Asda. She was gutted and I had to buy the bloody trainers as well as what I’d bought.
in the end of just tell them to get her whatever so she wouldn’t be disappointed.

I'd be asking my mum to return the wrong castle and exchange it for the right one…

Will she change it?

YANBU at all. Why did she bother asking you?! I don't understand why people do this - it's such a waste of everyone's time (and money is this case as although she thinks she's got a bargain for £25, it's a complete waste of money as your daughter won't want it). So annoying!

That sounds annoying and having to spend more money to rectify her for not taking a request seriously. Return the car, get the princess castle and tell your mum to keep the other Castle in her living room so she can take a look at it each time and remember why she has it there. Never trust her with presents from now on and you should have known this was going to happen from the start. Either ask her to stick money in a card or ask for something that is insignificant and isn't going to cause this type of stress. She really does sound like pita.

The fact that she's don't this so much means it's no accident, it must be on purpose for some bizarre reason

Of course you’re not unreasonable to be angry at your mum. She has caused you to waste time and money.
Is she tight with money or disapproving of the toys your DD likes? It makes children so happy to receive a gift they specifically want, I cannot fathom giving them a cheap substitute.

I’d be really annoyed. Of course you want to make sure your daughter gets the one specific thing she wanted if it’s within budget. Your mum had ample opportunity to say if it was too expensive and she could have got a different gift. To pinch your idea and the ‘thunder’ of being the giver of the favourite present and then deliberately cock it up is not on.

This 100%

A medieval castle sounds awesome

Use it as an opportunity to broaden your daughter's horizons beyond stereotypes

That sounds good

@MySillyDog81 are you OP's mum?

So you know my DD more than I do … ok 🙄

No she would not prefer this one, I know my own daughter ffs, she’s obsessed with her cousins pink princess castle, she wants the PINK PRINCESS castle - as she has literally stated numerous times for months.

And in response to a later post of yours, I’m not at all bothered about gender stereotyping - she also likes dinosaurs and I often buy her clothes from the “boys” section because it’s what she wants. In this occasion she’s asked for a PINK PRINCESS castle because that’s what she wants. She’s 5.

I am a Grandma with twin Granddaughters and after my daughter telling me EXACTLY what they wanted, I would not have dreamt of buying something different.
I’m sorry to say but your Mum sounds like an idiot and in future, whatever you do, don’t let her buy the main requested present.
Good for you for going out and buying the right castle for your daughter.

I'd be pissed too OP, you showed her the correct one and she ignored you. In future I'd offer to buy the gift and get her to give you the money.

Oh ho Granny, found the thread did you?

Return the car?
Effort and time required I know but not out pocket. Don't rely on DM for the important items

I think you are being unreasonable in expecting your mother to change.