To be fuming at my mum over birthday present?

[SilverSeat]

DDs birthday on Wednesday. My mum asked me ages ago what she wanted and I said “well all she keeps going on about is this princess castle so I’m getting her that”. My mum said “oh can I get her that? I don’t know what else to get her”. I said “it’s expensive though, £80” my mum said “oh that’s fine!”.

now my mum has form for buying the complete opposite of what you’ve told her so I showed her a picture of it, the make, where to buy it etc - she said that’s fine. I said “ok if you’re definitely getting her that exact castle (it had to be that one as her cousin has it and DD is obsessed with it, as I explained) I’ll get her the electric car”.

i bought the car £80. My mum called yesterday and said she’d got the castle - great. She then added “it was a bargain! It was only £25!” My heart sank … I said “it can’t have been, where did you get it from??” And she told me the name of this shop. I asked her to send me a photo?” So she did …

it’s the complete opposite of what I showed her. It’s a grey medieval castle with soldiers and cannons etc. I said “I told you it was the pink princess castle!” And she said “Her dolls will fit in it though”

FFS

DD thinks she’s getting the princess castle and is so excited, now I have to go out and buy the bloody thing after already buying the car. My mum is “upset” that I’m replacing her present. She used to do this kind of shit to me when I was a kid and I’m not allowing DD to go through it. She cocked up one of her Christmas presents in the same manner. AIBU to be really fucking annoyed and AIBU to replace the present?

Id rather she didn’t buy her a present at all then at least I’d know what to buy!!

YANBU to be upset but YABU to keep putting faith in this woman who continually shows you who she is.

I hope you manage to get the castle.

Bloody hell - so a young child’s birthday has to be a “teaching moment”. Heard it all now.

@SilverSeat - YANBU. In future, tell your mum she’s on her own when it comes to getting presents. And ignore daft posters who think you are unreasonable for trying to make your DDs birthday a lovely day!

YANBU, What's the point of asking you in the first place if she's going to go ahead and get something different anyway?!

Since you don’t know the child who is getting the present, you aren’t going to be able to say which she’d prefer. The OP knows her child; you don’t. It clearly isn’t about the cost but about the fact that the child desperately wanted one specific thing, which the OP’s mother said she would buy, but then bought something very different.

So DD is expecting a pink princess castle to match her cousin and granny bought her a grey battle castle.

Just because they're both castles does not mean they are interchangeable. See pics below for example.

OP in future could you just tell your DM that you've already bought it and for her to transfer you the cash?

If she insists tell her that you're getting the most sought after gifts and give her a different idea.

It's shit though that she doesn't care enough to get it right.

My mum used to do this and I have no idea why. I used to think, ‘why ask me then???! She is not a bad person and is generous so it made no sense.

I stopped asking her to get anything of really value or anything we really wanted or needed.

That would annoy the hell out of me too OP

Also don’t listen to these people who think they know your daughter better than you and what she should be happy with.
What planet are they on ffs….

What exactly, is wrong with pink stuff?

Nothing but if EVERYTHING is pink they don't see anything else

Yeah, because obviously the most important thing for a five-year-old on her birthday is that she gets a lecture about how the things she likes are silly and wrong because they’re pink.

She’s five. Her birthday is not the time to teach her a lesson about stereotyping.

@benjoin I love the colour pink.
I am one of those non-girly girls though. We used to be called Tomboys.
I still like pink though....and a bit of lilac and lavender.
🩷💜

And? Would that be a problem?

The OP has already said that her daughter plays with lots of different toys including non-girly stuff. She’s asked for ONE PINK THING ffs, because she enjoyed playing with it at her cousin’s house.

When I was a little girl, I would have been desperate for the grey mediaeval castle and massively disappointed to receive a pink one. The OP’s daughter being desperate for the pink castle and being massively disappointed by the grey one is no different from that.

I'd say so. If they start rejecting things that aren't pink. They miss out on a lot of the world.

My ex-SIL used to do this. Not quite on the same financial scale, but she would ask what DC wanted most and say she'd get that.

I still vividly remember the moment DD opened the long-awaited Elsa doll (only asked for Elsa!) only to find ex-SIL had bought knock-off Elsa and Anna because "they were a bargain so I got Anna, too!" They looked nothing like the official dolls and an arm fell off within 24 hours, so they weren't safe for a three year-old either.

I'm sorry it's your mum letting you down like this, OP. Like everyone else says (well, everyone else sensible), it's probably best to only rely on her for things that are much harder to get wrong in future.

YANBU.

Tell her give money next time.

Like what?
My dd loved pink. At one point, everything was pink. She missed out on nothing. She is far far more 'robust' than my boy ever was. What did she miss out on?

YANBU take the car back and get the castle. Tell your mum you are doing this and she can return her castle and choose something else. Or she can still give her it, that's up to her. Control what you can control and leave your mum to it.

@KreedKafer

Who said anything about a lecture?

"She used to do this kind of shit to me when I was a kid and I’m not allowing DD to go through it. She cocked up one of her Christmas presents in the same manner. AIBU to be really fucking annoyed and AIBU to replace the present?"

Of course YANBU.

But - your mum's behaviour with presents is not a surprise to you. The problem is not that she doesn't know what to get - as you've just proved, even knowing exactly what she should be getting, she still fucks it up. The problem is that IT IS NOT IMPORTANT TO HER to buy the specific item that is wanted -she thinks 'close enough' is 'good enough'. 'Well it's a castle, innit?' And it was a bargain!' That is her mindset, and it's not going to change.

You will have to remove your mother from the Important Present Getting. You know this. Maybe you still live in hope that she will redeem herself on the present-buying front, but - don't. Your hopes will only be dashed .

So, next time your mum says “oh can I get her that? I don’t know what else to get her”, have your answer ready. And that answer is 'no, you'll have to think of something else'. Every time.

If she plays with the pink one at her cousins house, then a Grey one might be good for a change.
They can then play with different castles when they meet.
When did children's birthdays because such expensive occasions.
80 pounds is a lot for a granny to spend.
I wouldn't have suggested a present that expensive in the first place.

My parents did this to me growing up and have done it to my dcs. I buy them and ask them for the money for it. Everyone's happy.

@benjoin this really doesn't need to be a Politically correct conversation. A five year old can just like a PINK castle if she wants