To be fuming at my mum over birthday present?

[SilverSeat]

DDs birthday on Wednesday. My mum asked me ages ago what she wanted and I said “well all she keeps going on about is this princess castle so I’m getting her that”. My mum said “oh can I get her that? I don’t know what else to get her”. I said “it’s expensive though, £80” my mum said “oh that’s fine!”.

now my mum has form for buying the complete opposite of what you’ve told her so I showed her a picture of it, the make, where to buy it etc - she said that’s fine. I said “ok if you’re definitely getting her that exact castle (it had to be that one as her cousin has it and DD is obsessed with it, as I explained) I’ll get her the electric car”.

i bought the car £80. My mum called yesterday and said she’d got the castle - great. She then added “it was a bargain! It was only £25!” My heart sank … I said “it can’t have been, where did you get it from??” And she told me the name of this shop. I asked her to send me a photo?” So she did …

it’s the complete opposite of what I showed her. It’s a grey medieval castle with soldiers and cannons etc. I said “I told you it was the pink princess castle!” And she said “Her dolls will fit in it though”

FFS

DD thinks she’s getting the princess castle and is so excited, now I have to go out and buy the bloody thing after already buying the car. My mum is “upset” that I’m replacing her present. She used to do this kind of shit to me when I was a kid and I’m not allowing DD to go through it. She cocked up one of her Christmas presents in the same manner. AIBU to be really fucking annoyed and AIBU to replace the present?

Id rather she didn’t buy her a present at all then at least I’d know what to buy!!

Deleted

Did you ask DM to return the wrong castle and buy the right one?

If it was anyone else but your mum I'd say what a twat. The only thing you can do is what another poster suggested which was next time direct your mum to a present not as important that won't make much of a difference if she gets it wrong.

My ex used to do this when DS was with him for Christmas- we alternated them. He'd get something quite like the present DS asked Santy for, but cheaper. He could have afforded the present, had a good job, but felt that he shouldn't have to, as he was paying maintenance.

DS would pretend not to be disappointed, but would ask me why his dad had got it wrong, again.

We used to have this problem with MIL, what we do now is never give her anything to buy that any of the kids have mentioned could be a favourite thing so that they are not disappointed.

We just had the usual thing again with my oldest childs 18th, MIL wanted to buy her a specific piece of jewellery and asked DD to pick her favourite. DD picked her favourite but MIL decided it wasn't expensive enough so she ordered what she wanted and it was absolutely hideous, it was expensive but looked so cheap and nasty, 4 months later she finally has what she originally picked but still not what she actually wanted!

It's not really caring what the child wants, as they really don't care, or even resent the child for having more than they had, back in the day.

Having had a life time of this type of thing, all it taught me was I won’t ever get anything I want

DM wants the glory of getting the 'best' present but then can't be arsed to follow through.

Lesson learned, OP.

Your mum must have one thing in her life that she likes a certain brand of and doesn’t want anything else. Chocolate? Handbags? Coffee? Shoes? You could gift her a cheap shit version every birthday and Christmas until she gets the message.

I don't understand posters going on about brainwashing her into pink things etc, what is wrong with girls liking pink things? Surely it's ridiculous to force them not to just so you think you look good for being such a 'cool woke' parent. Let them like all the variety of toys. My DS was desperate for a Fort, he wanted to play with soldiers on it, he would have been extremely disappointed if I had got him a pink princess castle. They are allowed preferences, in the same way we do.

Glad you have managed to get it for her, hope she has a lovely birthday.

Sorry if I've missed this somewhere, but if OP changes the car for the pink castle, will OP's mum still be giving the grey castle to the 5yo? If so, the crap gift giver will get her just desserts when the 5yo ignores it & plays with the one she actually wants. Will OP's mum learn her lesson at this point? (SPOILER I'm pretty sure she won't.)

That's so sad xx

I know this story, lived it too.

"Its almost the same and it is a lot cheaper" was the song of every Xmas and birthday. Ma is quite tight, wont spend money with a gun to her head. Wanted a Girls World, got a corner shop version that had clearly sat in the window for months and none of the "make up" was usable. But it was "just the same, dont be ungrateful".

Next time say "DD wants this but delivery costs are very expensive so I will order it with our gift for her, just give me the money and I will order it for you". DD gets what she wants, your mum doesnt do her usual thing and you dont have teh stress.

Its not worth fuming over. My DD once wanted a particular duvet cover for Xmas. High School musical iirc.
Mum tended to ask what she would want, so I would tell her. But she actually just got a basic patterned duvet.

I think this sort of thing is v common. I've heard other friends saying similar. Parents don't mean Badly!

@SilverSeat I hope you can return the car? Your mother sounds awful. She's getting a kick out of this. So wicked 😡

YADNBU. I would be furious too. My sister regularly did the same when buying for my DC after asking what they would like. We had agreed budgets so never requested anything that would exceed the amount but she always had to "get more for her money" and buy cheap versions of Lego (that wouldn't fit together properly) or fake Barbie dolls etc. They were always a total waste of money as they were never played with. I will never understand why people do this.
I hope your DD has a lovely birthday OP and enjoys her lovely pink castle. X

Yes you are right to be absolutely fuming!!

Seriously. It's almost as if she gets some strange, primal pleasure in making these supposed f*ck-ups!!

God this was my mother

Dd (now an adult) loved barbies-she got cheap knock off Barbara's instead,that would fall apart if you touched them

She was then was bonkers about groovy chick,bang on the door

So my mother would buy her cheap crap that looked nothing like it or from the bubblegum range (90's kid right there)

We gave up when dd started to want tatty teddy-she had her heart set on a monkey from the range so I said I'd get her it,but my mother promised her a bigger-than-i-could afford monkey

She bought her a knock off-it looked nothing like tatty Teddy nor the monkey but 'what's the fucking problem?it's a monkey,innit?'

I think it was a power play-i used to be the scapegoat and dd is a lot like me

'Oddly' my mother never failed to let her brothers down,or friends kids always got the right thing but she had mates who would just tell her she'd got it wrong (she would have sorted it but bitched about it until the end of time)

I'm due a grandchild in the autumn and I've been checking,then double checking that I've bought the right thing and checking again when it arrives-no way am I going 'off list'

He should get a job with a supermarket food delivery service, coming up with wacky substitutions for out-of-stock items!

He probably tries to make out that he likes to add a 'personal' twist, but it's just controlling when he deliberately gets it wrong, because 'he knows better' what you want/like than you do. A banjo isn't a 'more thoughtful' version of a guitar; it's just the wrong instrument, and it makes you look really stupid if you confuse the two - like buying Winalot to feed your cat.

It's definitely a twisted control thing.

You could ask her to transfer the amount first next time and say you’ll order it ‘to make sure’.

Or, yeah, as everyone else says, never trust her with an important and desired gift again.

I’d order DD the pink one myself and tell your mum to return the other castle. I’d rather just pay for the castle myself and make sure DD got what she was after and tell your mum not to bother getting DD anything as she obviously does not care about letting her granddaughter down.

You didnt read the thread, did you?