To have phoned DH’s nephew twice to ask why me daughter and grandchildren aren’t invited to his wedding

[SlothsRUs]

Husband is fucking angry with me. Received an invitation to his nephew’s wedding for us and our two daughters but not for my eldest daughter who is from a previous relationship.

Nephew’s response was that she was a step-relative who hadn’t been thought of but he didn’t think they were close.
He is closer in age to her and has known her longer than he has known the others.

I got his number off husband’s phone. He's furious with me.

Nephew is son of Brother-in-Law. The daughter of Sister-in-Law is invited with her toddler but my grandchildren aren’t invited.

When I found this out I rang him back asking how he felt closer to this family as they had grown up in different countries. He said he wasn’t willing to carry on the conversation.

BiL rang husband suggesting had I requested an invitation, one would be forthcoming, I don’t believe him. I get the sense it was more of control your wife.

I have no hope at all of my daughters not going, husband is definitely going.

I am fucking sick to my stomach. SiL rang me directly virtually threatening me saying I had upset people and not to involve my MiL.

Fucking furious.

People are going ask DD1 is 28, younger two are 19 and 20. Groom is 29.

His family shouldn't have to miss out because of someone not related to him.

People who can't accept how relationships are have no business trying to make step families.

No doubt we are going to get a “in my culture…” type response from the OP which is the norm on wedding threads at the moment

I was a step child and never got invited to weddings in my step mum’s family. Never occurred to me to be in any way bothered. They are not my family.

Only reason I am even aware of them is because my dad married into the family, I didn’t

Every blended family is different and shouldn’t be the same rule for all

It's not your wedding. Are you always so entitled?

You can't force other people to conform to your beliefs.

Apologise to your husband.

Apologise to the bridge and groom and tell them you recognise your behaviour was out of order.

Tell them you won't be attending the wedding as you embarrassed but your husband and children will be.

Wish them a wonderful day and future together.

bad form not to invite step children if a child- their choice not to invite if step child is an adult

At 28 it is up to them to have a relationship with family- nothing to do with you

If you'd done that to me, all of your invitations would have been cancelled.

OP says she's 28.

If they are all as old as you say they should be dealing with it (or not) themselves. Why on earth are you getting involved??

I can see someone being upset if this happened to a child but seriously a 28 year old with presumably their own life...bad form OP !

I’d be upset that eldest daughter was excluded, and one phone call was reasonable.

However, to ring a second time about grandchildren. Seriously! You can be close to people who live in other countries. Maybe they ring regularly or FaceTime etc. you don’t have to be in the same country to be close to someone.

it is a (possibly in some cases) sad truth that while you and your DH may be considered to have blended your family, and he treats your DD as his own, the rest of his family are under zero obligation to do so.

Instead of getting your knickers in a twist about it, accept or decline the invitation, and let your DH and DDs make up their own minds if they go or not.

I remember op from a previous thread. It all sounds pretty exhausting

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4942082-younger-children-turning-on-me

She's 28 yes? Not 8?
If she was a little girl being left out of a family occasion you might have had a point but even then you have behaved astonishingly badly.

The whole invite half a family I don’t think works when presumably the 28 year old doesn’t live in the same house as a parent herself too.

Where as I’m guessing the younger two Cousins / children still live at home. Could be nothing to do with the step part yet again but they invited the household and thus not ops oldest child as she doesn’t live there.

Oh she’s that op. Haha you’ve fucked your younger two over long enough for the favour of the oldest.

Not entirely sure that's the penalty you think it is.

I agree the OP behaved really embarrassingly.

However, this idea that weddings are a free pass to mess around with family politics and that invitations don't have ramifications is misplaced.

I'm hoping you feel sick to your stomach because you're embarrassed at how you've behaved.

That is your agreement because you took on a step child. The nephew now getting married, certainly made no such agreement to blend families with a "step cousin". They are now both adults and are presumably not close and there is no reason he should use a wedding guest space up on an unrelated adult that he is not close to.

My husband technically has two step brothers but they are all adults and he would not even dream of referring to them as step brothers, they are the adult children of his father's wife.

Dear lord...

YOU aren't even close enough to him to have his bloody phone number!!!

Why on earth do you think you have the right to demand your ADULT dd is invited?

He's invited HIS close relatives - plus you as wife/mother of and who therefore is part of the household. He hasn't invited an adult who doesn't live in your household because he isn't close enough to them to even think of inviting them. That's normal.

What isn't normal is your behaviour. At all.

You can't dictate who gets invited to a wedding.

Fucking hell!

Oh dear OP if this is real I think you should apologise

😆 she comes across as a complete nightmare. I'm sure the 28yr old is glad to not have to be around these drama loving people

You sound a delight and are obviously being unreasonable.

Good god! Please tell me that this is a joke! 🤣

If it's actually genuine then yes, you are being utterly unreasonable and, quite frankly, are coming across as very petulant and difficult. I feel very sorry for your wider family, as you must be a nightmare to deal with. I wouldn't blame them if they stopped contact with you for a bit of peace and quiet.

Apologise. You need to, as you behaved poorly.

If your daughter does get sent an invitation, you should all go - given that you made such a fuss. Take a large cash gift for their Wishing Well.