To have phoned DH’s nephew twice to ask why me daughter and grandchildren aren’t invited to his wedding

[SlothsRUs]

Husband is fucking angry with me. Received an invitation to his nephew’s wedding for us and our two daughters but not for my eldest daughter who is from a previous relationship.

Nephew’s response was that she was a step-relative who hadn’t been thought of but he didn’t think they were close.
He is closer in age to her and has known her longer than he has known the others.

I got his number off husband’s phone. He's furious with me.

Nephew is son of Brother-in-Law. The daughter of Sister-in-Law is invited with her toddler but my grandchildren aren’t invited.

When I found this out I rang him back asking how he felt closer to this family as they had grown up in different countries. He said he wasn’t willing to carry on the conversation.

BiL rang husband suggesting had I requested an invitation, one would be forthcoming, I don’t believe him. I get the sense it was more of control your wife.

I have no hope at all of my daughters not going, husband is definitely going.

I am fucking sick to my stomach. SiL rang me directly virtually threatening me saying I had upset people and not to involve my MiL.

Fucking furious.

People are going ask DD1 is 28, younger two are 19 and 20. Groom is 29.

You're bang out of order. I'd be angry too.

Yes it's their wedding of course. They made their choice and now you make yours. I'd be furious and may well have phoned myself. Especially if I had a few wines! Which is partly why I don't drink much these days 😂 I hardly ever lose my temper but this kind of thing immediately pushes my buttons.

Wow.

Surely a 28 year old can cope with not being invited to one wedding.
You were bang out of order ringing him and getting involved. What did you hope to achieve? A lifetime ban?

I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all for feeling the way you feel. I’d be really upset, especially if people who weren’t as close to the groom were invited. But ultimately it’s his wedding.
I think you were unreasonable to call him and especially to ask about his closeness to certain family members.
If it was me I wouldn’t attend the wedding but I definitely wouldn’t have called up.

I can understand why you are angry but this is at least the second thread on this.

YABU

How often does your eldest daughter see this nephew? Why would he invite her children too? Honestly you're out of order to phone up twice. It's his wedding & he can invite who he likes.

You've got no right at all. Just respect their decision and bow out if you don't want to go. Also, hold your other kids back from going if you don't want them there. Chill.

Certainly very similar

YABVU stop it. You seem absolutely irate and it's not necessary. It's just a bloody wedding.

He can invite who he wants op

He should probably uninvite you 😂

Gosh.

I get why you are annoyed about one sibling not being invited. And I could almost have understood why you phoned them if the children were young.

But I honestly think you are totally out of order.

DH and I got stick from some of DH's wider family for not inviting various relatives. But we wanted a small wedding and limited it to close friends and immediate family. Their view was they, as family, should take precedence over non-family. Our view was it was our wedding and up to us who we invited.

But it all calmed down and got forgotten about. I am not sure you in-laws are going to forget this in a hurry, and I don't blame them.

Yep.

YABVU.

It's up to the groom and his wife who they invite. Clearly- they don't feel close to your daughter.

They are not obliged to invite her. You have behaved like a loon. Just leave it alone now.

Good grief - your behaviour was outrageous. No wonder your husband is angry.

Agree. People have some weird criteria and justifications for who they do and don't invite to weddings but they have to limit numbers somehow and it's totally up to them. Bear in mind that grooms often come under pressure from their fianceés who want to control everything and tend to prioritise their guest list over the man's on the basis that if they haven't spent a lot of time with those people since they've been a couple then they don't really need to be invited. And women tend to keep closer family ties than men.

And as a rule men will to capitulate over things like this because, to them, wedding planning is tedious and they don't really give a shit either way.

But you've bahved badly over it and embarrassed your husband and will forever be the one in the wrong now.

YABU DD1 at 28 is perfectly capable of understanding his position and as an adult, she’s able to deal with it. If you were not happy with the invite you should’ve simply declined.

Contacting him, especially taking the number and essentially sneaking behind your husbands back, was too much. No one is obliged to accept an invitation and I understand your annoyance and hurt, but the smarter move would have been for only your husband to attend and to respond to their questions about why after the event.

Your mad a grown ass adult hasn’t invited a grown ass adult to his wedding… so you went thought your husbands phone, stole his nephews phone number to ring him not once but twice to berate his invite choices.

“Nephew is son of Brother-in-Law. The daughter of Sister-in-Law is invited with her toddler but my grandchildren aren’t invited. “

So is this a step mothers Child? Or An auntys child and grandchild who he presumably likes more.

I mean you’ve come across a bit fly off the handle here can’t imagine that your invite was issued lovingly to start with 😂

I suspect it’s a very widespread problem considering the amount of blended families and the cost of the weddings.

YABU. Everyone is an adult, they are perfectly right to invite who they want. Weddings are expensive!

He is closer in age to her and has known her longer than he has known the others.

This doesn’t mean anything. Knowing someone doesn’t mean you’re close to them.

I’d have been very hurt and not attended the wedding. I don’t think ringing was a smart move but I understand hurt can make us act in anger. Just don’t go!

No, we didn’t 🙄

Is DD1 bothered?

I actually agree that she probably should be invited, but unfortunately you haven't handled it well and you've let your emotions get the better of you.