To have phoned DH’s nephew twice to ask why me daughter and grandchildren aren’t invited to his wedding

[SlothsRUs]

Husband is fucking angry with me. Received an invitation to his nephew’s wedding for us and our two daughters but not for my eldest daughter who is from a previous relationship.

Nephew’s response was that she was a step-relative who hadn’t been thought of but he didn’t think they were close.
He is closer in age to her and has known her longer than he has known the others.

I got his number off husband’s phone. He's furious with me.

Nephew is son of Brother-in-Law. The daughter of Sister-in-Law is invited with her toddler but my grandchildren aren’t invited.

When I found this out I rang him back asking how he felt closer to this family as they had grown up in different countries. He said he wasn’t willing to carry on the conversation.

BiL rang husband suggesting had I requested an invitation, one would be forthcoming, I don’t believe him. I get the sense it was more of control your wife.

I have no hope at all of my daughters not going, husband is definitely going.

I am fucking sick to my stomach. SiL rang me directly virtually threatening me saying I had upset people and not to involve my MiL.

Fucking furious.

People are going ask DD1 is 28, younger two are 19 and 20. Groom is 29.

Of course it does.
This is a wedding in their family. Not hers.

Erm… it’s hugely relevant. It’s actually the key point of the entire thread.

OP thinks her eldest daughter should have been invited. Younger daughters who have been invited are related to the groom by blood. Eldest daughter is related by marriage. Eldest daughter isn’t close to groom, either in the literal sense of close family or in terms of how much time they’ve spent together. Hell, even the ones who have been invited aren’t that close to him (although how much of that is down to the OP, we don’t know).

I’ll ask again - why would they refuse to go if their half-sister isn’t invited?

Erm… it’s hugely irrelevant. In the context of your post labelling & stressing, yet again, that the girls are ‘half-sisters’ was utterly needless.
You implied in your post that the girls should somehow be less ‘sisterly’ as their sister is merely their ‘half’ sister. The wider topic in that context is irrelevant. Siblings are siblings and labouring the ‘half’ when discussing their interaction is just plain weird.
I’ll carry on referring to my brothers as my ‘brothers’ (not just ‘half-brothers’!) regardless of the difficult family situations that occur - as if it’s some type of pass to bypass and treat them as lesser than the siblings that they are.

You’ve misunderstood my comment. My comment was surrounding the interment that somehow the other sisters shouldn’t have an input as the older daughter is merely a ‘half-sister’. The wider situation being entirely separate to my comment!

No, I did understand dyou perfectly. I just disagree.
She is their half sister. And they are celebrating the half that she is not.

You’re being utterly ridiculous. It is in no way “needless” to point out that she’s their half-sister. It’s entirely relevant to the situation. They’re not treating her in a “less sisterly” way, as you put it; they’re simply going to their cousin’s wedding. Why would they protest about the lack of an invitation for her when she has a completely different relationship to the groom?

In any case, hasn’t it occurred to you, based on the OP’s posts, that they don’t feel particularly close to their older sister (half or otherwise)? That is allowed, you know. You can boast all you like about how you’ll carry on referring to your brothers as such - well, bully for you. How is it relevant to someone else’s life? I know plenty of close half-siblings, but also plenty of full siblings who aren’t close at all. This push to absolutely never acknowledge any potential difference in the relationship is what’s “needless”.

It’s bizarre how obsessed some people get with the idea that it’s somehow insulting to use the term “half” in relation to a sister or brother. It’s factual. There was an appalling story recently from Reddit that made the tabloids, where a father had forced his son to see therapists (three different ones!) in an attempt to force him to stop referring to his half-siblings as such. The selfish bastard was so blinkered over it that he had zero insight into how this was traumatising his son (and why two therapists had already refused to work with them any longer).

You see your brothers as full siblings. Great. That’s your choice. Don’t try to make that choice for others.

They are half sisters, which is entirely relevant because it means they don’t all share the same family. The younger two have a paternal family the eldest doesn’t, and they clearly don’t see why they should be obliged to sacrifice their own relationships with said paternal family because of their sister and mother’s preferences. Being forced to when they weren’t in a position to control that for themselves has only created resentment and cemented divisions, which is likely to have consequences for the sisterly, and maternal, relationships throughout their lives at this point. Ironic really, that OP’s refusing the accept the differences between them and attempting to force them as one package has achieved the exact opposite.

No one said you can’t consider your half brothers to be your brothers, but equally you can’t insist that anyone else has to consider their own half siblings to be the same as full siblings. This isn’t about you.

They’ve had an input - they’re going.