To have phoned DH’s nephew twice to ask why me daughter and grandchildren aren’t invited to his wedding

[SlothsRUs]

Husband is fucking angry with me. Received an invitation to his nephew’s wedding for us and our two daughters but not for my eldest daughter who is from a previous relationship.

Nephew’s response was that she was a step-relative who hadn’t been thought of but he didn’t think they were close.
He is closer in age to her and has known her longer than he has known the others.

I got his number off husband’s phone. He's furious with me.

Nephew is son of Brother-in-Law. The daughter of Sister-in-Law is invited with her toddler but my grandchildren aren’t invited.

When I found this out I rang him back asking how he felt closer to this family as they had grown up in different countries. He said he wasn’t willing to carry on the conversation.

BiL rang husband suggesting had I requested an invitation, one would be forthcoming, I don’t believe him. I get the sense it was more of control your wife.

I have no hope at all of my daughters not going, husband is definitely going.

I am fucking sick to my stomach. SiL rang me directly virtually threatening me saying I had upset people and not to involve my MiL.

Fucking furious.

People are going ask DD1 is 28, younger two are 19 and 20. Groom is 29.

The other thread IIRC was about a minor child (treated as the husbands own) being the only one excluded from an invitation

This is a grown adult plus her kids

Not the same at all

See, this is why both my weddings were kept secret and involved 2 and 3 close friends only.

Too many weddings end up getting out of hand, causing rows, etc because some people "should" be invited, despite ever-growing expense.

He's invited those he wanted to invite and that's entirely his choice, it's his wedding! I'm surprised he invited you at all to be honest, you sound a little unhinged!

You’re completely out of order and you owe your husband and the groom an apology.

Who do you think you are? The fucking queen of Sheeba?

You’ve already ruined your relationship with your youngest children and your dh agrees with them. Next your marriage is gone as you’ve fucked up off over his family yet again. Time to give your head a wobble. The only person with an issue is you.

Still his and his fiancée decision regardless and your anger isn’t going to change that.

You’re ridiculously angry over something that isn’t really your business and you have no control over. You’re only going to anger your DH more and cause unnecessary strife. Your daughter is an adult old enough to fight her own battles.

If it upsets you so much, don’t go yourself, simple.

I wanted to elope and still regret not doing so. Not worth the stress.

Wow, you really don't seem to understand what you've done at all!

Well you really overstepped there alright. Are you a bit sensitive about your children being treated differently?

Also, did your children and grandchildren actually want to go to a wedding? Because most of them are really boring! It sounds like the invitation really triggered you and you over reacted.

what has your husband said?

Seriously, take yourself off the internet and go have a lie down 🙄

This. If I were your nephew, there would be a written letter to you and your husband either specifically uninviting you, or uninviting all 4 of you (depending on the relationship with your younger kids).

I had a read of your other thread, and it appears that your middle child is friends with your husband's niece. If this is the sister of the nephew in this thread, your younger children may have more interaction with him than you think, or have been invited on the sister's recommendation.

In future, I think you can expect that your husband and youngest children get invited to family events, and not you.

The lack of self awareness is mortifying 😆
The 'fucking Malfoys', a 'fucking angry' husband. Just leave the engaged couple alone and stop trying to force your relatives on them. It's not difficult.

(My mother is also a complete nightmare and was frothing with rage over me not being invited to the wedding of some bloke her latest fella was mates with. I didn't want to go anyway, and thought her rantings were just for drumming up drama.)

Oh for goodness sake - he can invite (and not invite) whoever he wants to his wedding. Please don't turn his special day into a fight.

Surely at that age your DD1 would have been invited as a separate individual now, not on family invite, if was going to get an invite. How bothered is she that they weren’t invited?

Your execution has been nasty and immature.

Personally I would have quietly refused to go and left DH to it, including the organising of any card and present that would under no circumstances have my name on it.

You realise the Malfoys are also allowed to invite whoever the fuck they want to a wedding.

calm the fuck down before you burst a blood vessel. My god

i like your energy. but you are in the wrong.

good for standing up for your family. now apologise to your husband and have some wine and say no more of this.

Yeah you made a total twat of yourself.

Are your younger two daughters still living at home while your eldest has her own household? It may be the groom has invited his aunt and uncle and their dependants and your eldest is seen as a separate family. Weddings are expensive and a guest list has to be finite. It was extremely rude of you to harangue your nephew/involve other family.

Oh my goodness me. Why have you made this all a massive drama. Do you like drama?

OP,

He does not see your daughter as a cousin, he sees your youngest 2 as cousins as they are his uncles children.

You have been invited as your husband plus one, really. Would you have been invited if you were not together, I think we know the answer.

You can’t make people see your child as their family however hard you push.

Although your DD is a similar age to the groom, she now has her own home and her own family! Whereas your younger DC are very much part of your household. No need fo be offended o her behalf!

I don't often say this and I generally think people say it too often but you do need to calm down. Take some breaths have some space from the situation. Then apologise

Absolutely YABU

All the reasons why have already been said.

No one is entitled to an invitation to anyone's wedding.

No one is obliged to accept an invitation they receive.

If you can't cope with attending a wedding without your adult DD then don't go.

What have you achieved, exactly? You’ve alienated your younger daughters as well as your husband and his family, and made them even more resistant to considering your eldest to be family. By trying to force it you’re making the situation, that already isn’t to your liking, substantially worse.

You haven’t embarrassed them, they just think you’re a twat.