To have phoned DH’s nephew twice to ask why me daughter and grandchildren aren’t invited to his wedding

[SlothsRUs]

Husband is fucking angry with me. Received an invitation to his nephew’s wedding for us and our two daughters but not for my eldest daughter who is from a previous relationship.

Nephew’s response was that she was a step-relative who hadn’t been thought of but he didn’t think they were close.
He is closer in age to her and has known her longer than he has known the others.

I got his number off husband’s phone. He's furious with me.

Nephew is son of Brother-in-Law. The daughter of Sister-in-Law is invited with her toddler but my grandchildren aren’t invited.

When I found this out I rang him back asking how he felt closer to this family as they had grown up in different countries. He said he wasn’t willing to carry on the conversation.

BiL rang husband suggesting had I requested an invitation, one would be forthcoming, I don’t believe him. I get the sense it was more of control your wife.

I have no hope at all of my daughters not going, husband is definitely going.

I am fucking sick to my stomach. SiL rang me directly virtually threatening me saying I had upset people and not to involve my MiL.

Fucking furious.

People are going ask DD1 is 28, younger two are 19 and 20. Groom is 29.

You’ve behaved badly enough to have potentially damaged the relationship between your daughter and DH’s nephew, however small it was.

Do you genuinely not see how mad and entitled this behaviour is?

Good on you for standing up for you daughter. I’ve been in this position as a ‘step’ daughter. I was hurt my dad, step mum and sister all jollied off to a lovely wedding and left me at home. I’ve never felt more ‘step’ of a family member than that day and I honestly wondered how my dad could rub shoulders with them when they’d reduced my position in the family to less than ‘Shirley from the office’ who’d received a evening invite.

I mean honestly… did nobody at all ask where I was??

Go you!

I do sympathise with your annoyance but you've gone about this in totally the wrong way. How could you ever think this was ok?

Yes. OP’s DD is 28, not a child. The groom has said they’re not close to the point of not even thought of hence the reason not invited. Knowing someone and being close to them are not the same thing.

You sound like a nightmare.

I get being upset but have some self respect and just decline the invite. No wonder your husband is furious. You were massively out of order for ringing to complain. They didn't have to invite any of you. A wedding is the couples party, they get to decide who is invited, if you don't like it you vote with your feet. Nobody has a right to be invited.

Your family was in the wrong here, not the bride and groom. They essentially confirmed your role in the family by accepting and going.

Good on you for standing up for you daughter. I’ve been in this position as a ‘step’ daughter. I was hurt my dad, step mum and sister all jollied off to a lovely wedding and left me at home.

She's not a child being left at home. She's 28. She can stand up for herself!

Op seems to of spent her entire 28 years of parenting favouring her oldest child to the detriment of a paternal relationship for her youngest two, as well as trips out becoming about the oldest.

Op has no place to demand anything on a family her own children blame her for a low relationship with.

This is one of those Tell me you have a favourite child without telling me mothers…

Sorry but I think you've embarrassed everyone but most of all yourself

Assuming you and DH had been together for a little while before you had your first child together, then the older DD has been part of your DH (and therefore his family's) life for 20+ years?

Yep shit older DD and her kids weren't invited but I guess I need to caveat by asking how close DN and older DD are / were?

How have DH's family been with the older DD in general?

Nobody would ask where my DSC are at a wedding on my side of the family.

I got married abroad so only me and Dh
So when my cousin next door got married she invited every girl cousin except me and some others where single and lived in different counties. I babysat and seen her weekly, I was annoyed, my whole family were there.
My mum at the time didn't see a big deal up then she fell out with the family and thought it was terrible that I was left out
Families can be mean

I think it is one thing not to invite a child when the rest of the family is invited. However, your daughter is an adult. How much time does she spend with her step cousin? Have they ever been close?

OK I have clearly made a twat of myself.

However, those of you who say that they are not close, he’s not close to my other two.

As for my grandchildren, he has invited his other cousin’ toddler.

He had invited them on the basis of DNA and blood.

Who do they think they are? The fucking Malfoys?

Who do they think they are? The fucking Malfoys?

You seem to have accelerated the drama dramatically here OP.

It is clear from the other thread that you are over sensitive regarding your eldest daughter.

It’s entirely up to the bride and groom who they invite.

Even “The fucking Malfoys” can invite who they want.

Wow, can’t believe you did that. How very rude of you.

theres also the fact that your Dd who is no relation to him is a fully grown (unrelated) adult. Does she live in her own home but the others still live with you and your dh? Maybe DN sees them as being more “children” and part of the 8mmediate family as they still live with their parents?

anyway my cousin invited my dad (his uncle) and my mum to their wedding and not me or my brother even though we were fully related and teens at the time. They had to make cost savings somewhere.

All this fucking and fuming and yet if this 28 year old woman is as close to the groom as you say, she'll be able to contact him and say "Oi, Dave. Where's my invitation?" 🤷‍♂️

He’s allowed to invite whoever he wants for whatever reason. You’re not entitled to insist that he invites someone he doesn’t want to, just because you’ve decided that DNA should be irrelevant to him.

You’re just not getting it.

YABU and also YABU for writing me daughter instead of my daughter! That is MY pet hate and NEVER acceptable in written English!

I would uninvite you after the drama you caused. Nobody is entitled to a wedding invite!

I have a huge family in the US, 130 plus cousins.
My children get invited to some weddings and not others, that’s totally OK.
It’s the Bride and Groom’s choice and I never view their decisions personally.
There is a huge pressure in society of having to feel included, a bit like wanting to be liked.
You can reach a place of great peace, when you can accept that not everyone likes you or has to include you and that’s totally fine.
In personal situations, demanding to be included is, is actually demonstrating how socially rude you are and is probably connected to why you were excluded in the first place.
It is like demanding a date with someone!
A wedding is about supporting the couple, respecting their boundaries and not caring a jot about who they invite.
Maybe you have been hurt, overlooked or excluded in the past and this wedding has set off old feelings.
Don’t let this wedding cause you to look back with regret.
I know somebody whose Mum refused to attend her daughter’s wedding, over an argument about invites.
She regrets it deeply.

Who do they think they are? The fucking Malfoys?

My guess is who he thinks he is is the person paying for the wedding.

You are completely out of order.