To have phoned DH’s nephew twice to ask why me daughter and grandchildren aren’t invited to his wedding

[SlothsRUs]

Husband is fucking angry with me. Received an invitation to his nephew’s wedding for us and our two daughters but not for my eldest daughter who is from a previous relationship.

Nephew’s response was that she was a step-relative who hadn’t been thought of but he didn’t think they were close.
He is closer in age to her and has known her longer than he has known the others.

I got his number off husband’s phone. He's furious with me.

Nephew is son of Brother-in-Law. The daughter of Sister-in-Law is invited with her toddler but my grandchildren aren’t invited.

When I found this out I rang him back asking how he felt closer to this family as they had grown up in different countries. He said he wasn’t willing to carry on the conversation.

BiL rang husband suggesting had I requested an invitation, one would be forthcoming, I don’t believe him. I get the sense it was more of control your wife.

I have no hope at all of my daughters not going, husband is definitely going.

I am fucking sick to my stomach. SiL rang me directly virtually threatening me saying I had upset people and not to involve my MiL.

Fucking furious.

People are going ask DD1 is 28, younger two are 19 and 20. Groom is 29.

God you sound like my MIL! When DH and I got married she sent out verbal invites to all her random relatives, most of whom I had never met so we then felt presured to invite them to our wedding. Half of them didn't RSVP but then turned up. They used up spaces which meant we had to limit my side of the family and friends.
That was the last time I ever let her influence anything in our lives.

YABVU and your OH has every right to be furious with you

It's his wedding and he can invite who he likes. If you don't like it, don't go

Stop acting like a child

Agreed

You sound like a nightmare.

I'd uninvited you if I was him.

Reverse? Nobody can be that dim surely?

If this has been your ten year old child, I could understand you being upset, although even then I wouldn’t have handled it like this. But this is a 28 year old independent adult. Why on earth should he had to invite an adult he doesn’t know and isn’t related to, to his wedding. Once children become adults they don’t have to be invited to everything the parent is invited to.

I didn’t understand the other family links, but presumably they are actually family members even if they were brought up in another country.

You have behaved appallingly and I would be pulling your own invitation after that.

Presumably you consulted with your dd before you went through your husbands phone and then rang your nephew kicking off about a lack of invite for her? What did she say about it?

The only thing you should have done was accept or decline the invite based on the information you had.

You sound unhinged
I'm embarrassed for your husband and children.

The situation with the invitations drew a line between family and not-quite-seen-as-family, and the rejection involved in this is why it is so hurtful. Your feelings are understandable.

But you went a bit postal which is never a good idea. I can understand your outrage and sadness though. It’s about exclusion and it sounds as if you were taken by surprise by it.

Sorry OP, drop it now. Your understandable reaction is being overshadowed by the angry phone calls you made etc. You are now the bad guy in their eyes and they can excuse themselves because of that.

Unfortunately you cannot control or change this at all. Don’t go to the wedding and take some time to let your emotions settle.

Guest-zilla!

What rude and entitled behaviour is this?
I'm actually embarrassed for you for creating this scene!

You posted about this last week and everyone said you were I reasonable then yet you’ve done this - I think you sound really hard work and wouldn’t be surprised if the invite is withdrawn for you

So it's her stepdads, brothers sons wedding?

They are selling YOUR children but not all his.

I am totally confused with the family tree, but essentially it comes down to the bride and groom inviting people they have enough room for based either on duty or closeness and very simply your dc didn't make that cut as they don't feel close to them.

It is not an insult, or something to take offence about. It is simply facts. Accept or decline the invitation as you see fit, but declining is not going to improve any relationships for future events if that is what you desire.

She’s 28, not 8.

Does she get you to ring up her friends who don’t invite her to their weddings too?

Good heavens.
I come from a large family.
Never got invited to any of my cousin’s weddings, it was always my older db and dsis.
My dm didn’t ring up my aunt and complain.

Your dd won’t be half as upset if you stop making an issue.

Is your DD1 close to this nephew? If the answer is no (and I dont mean close in age, I mean do they know/see/speak to each other). If the answer is no then YABVU.
I feel I can comment on this more than others. My parents are split up and have new partners.....been together over 20 years. Despite this, I wouldnt expect an invite to a wedding of my step dad's family, even if my sister (to mum and step dad) was. im not close to them, I dont really know them and they are not related to me. I think we all just need to grow up a bit in these situations

What on earth possessed you to call nephew and have a go at him? You are completely out of order, he can invite and not invite whoever he wants to his own wedding.

You need to apologise to your husband ASAP because you have embarrassed him big time. If my dh did this to my family member I'd be mortified and very pissed off.

There's a simple way to deal with these situations (which I think is bad form by the couple by the way) decline and state why.

If couples getting married are asking a family unit, all should be invited not excluding one child) if numbers are tight, don't invite any of the cousins.

0/10. Poor effort.

Nobody is as much of an arsehole as you claim to be in your post, OP.

So that means you can invite half a family?
Dont know if id have handled it the same but good on you OP for having the balls to address it directly. The most embarrassing behaviour in this scenario is nephew and his fiance.

Same here, my older siblings were closer in age to some cousins and if there were space constraints us younger cousins got packed off to baby sitters somewhere while everyone else went to the party. It was common place, especially with families with more that a couple of dc.

Why would he invite a step-cousin and her kids that he isn’t close to and hasn’t seen in so long that he didn’t even think of them?!

@Springtime79

My thoughts too. My dsd is treated as an equal. When you blend that is the agreement

Disgraceful behaviour by you.