To think my male colleague shouldn't have asked me this?

[pikky]

Long story short, co-worker has been mildly flirting with me for a few weeks (at work) and eventually asked me to go out for a drink with him because in his words he thinks I'm a nice person. He took me by surprise. I had just got out of the loo and was walking to my office. We coincidentally met in the corridor and it was just the 2 of us. I politely declined and explained that I don't drink but we could go for coffee instead (he proposed this a few days prior to asking to go for drinks).

Anyway, a couple of days later he looked at my ID badge , said the photo is nice and asked if it was taken in a bar. He then looked directly into my eyes and seemed to be eagerly waiting for my response. I said it was indeed taken in a bar in Marrakesh.

Only my face and shoulders are visible on the photo. Background is plain black. I did have a full face of makeup on but the photo could've been taken anywhere really.

In all honesty I think she’s getting a gut feeling. If she outwardly says to him ‘I don’t date people from work’ or sets other such clear boundaries/ statements, he would act confused and wonder where that came from. That’s what these creeps do. Build other people up and then make them look stupid. OP just needs boundaries. She doesn’t need to explain herself. Even if she did lie about going to bars , as a polite/ casual put down, it’d be none of his business x x

A

Bloody hell. Just don’t go out with him. Give the guy a break.

Yup he’s got a little crush or putting feelers out or thinks that you are doing this to him. A bit spineless really isn’t it?!

Boundaires x

*I have also just remembered this:

I was chatting to a colleague, when he randomly joined the conversation and said "Laura, do you know that (my name) invited me out for a meal" and started laughing. I absolutely did not ask him. I was quite shocked. I raised my eyebrows and rolled my eyes.

This was before the asking out for a drink incident.*

So it's weird that you said - and even on here still say, that you'd go for a coffee with him. Just say no thanks, you're not interested. That would be clear.

Work colleague is flirty, then asks for a date.

You give an unclear answer which suggests you would be up for a coffee - ie, maybe a date but more casual. Or maybe not a date. He's not sure.

He tries to catch you out for 'lying' about not drinking.

In conclusion, you are both a bit shit at communication, though yours came from a place of kindness and his from being a dick.

In future, if someone asks you out and you do not want to go, firmly but politely say no. Don't counter-offer or excuse. Just, that was a kind offer but no, thank you. As it's at work, I'd let HR know. Calling you out was a dickish move on his part.

He's a colleague I wish I kept great distance from and limited our conversations to: "Hi. How are you? and bye".

He probably feels exactly the same….

This was my concern. He could turn the scenario around and say oh, there's a misunderstanding and he asked to go for drinks as friends. He could also say he has a girlfriend/wife.

I like the idea of being specific to going to the cafeteria and as colleagues if asks again or avoiding interactions with him the best I can.

If he asks again (for coffee/drinks or whatever), just say "I don't date colleagues". If he pretends he wasn't asking you on a date, just say that it doesn't change anything for you.

He's already tried to catch you out and manipulate the narrative so you look like a liar. Don't give him any more opportunities.

Would he not think I'm very rude?

Generally, I have very firm boundaries and say no I am not interested right away. But because he's a colleague and we will probably work together and for a long time. I wasn't sure how to approach the situation. I thought I'd be polite and kind. But, I see the confusion I have caused.

He could turn the scenario around and say oh, there's a misunderstanding and he asked to go for drinks as friends. He could also say he has a girlfriend/wife..

In which case he shouldn't be asking you out for a drink. It is not ambiguous - he was asking you out. If he says otherwise, the fault is clearly his and you don't need to worry about that. At the moment your communication is unclear - just tell him you don't date colleagues. End of situation.

I really hope he does so he doesn't ask to go for coffee/drink or whatever again.

You are not saying he is too old, too short, not your type etc.

“I like to keep my social and professional life separate” is kind, polite and firm.

Draw the line in the sand and be honest.

It really isn’t as difficult as you are making it! Do you struggle with clear communication in other relationships, OP.

What age difference?

Presumably he's aware that you can drink a non-alcoholic drink in a bar? The fact he questions the validity of your response is indicative of a worrying mindset of "I'm entitled, why aren't you giving me the answer I have a right to". Not an attractive trait.

he sounds an annoying pain in the neck with his unwarranted attention. I'd try to shake him off with a direct "not interested thanks".

This is another of those threads where I just think "how does this OP get through life". Maybe you should consider working from home if a simple conversation with a colleague causes you this much concern?

<awaits inevitable dripfeed of OP having anxiety/neurodiversity issues>

Trust your instincts. Ignore rude posters.

Id suggest you just act bemused when he oversteps and say something non committal like “That is not the way I remember it.”

Just forget about the coffee until he brings it up again (if he does) snd then look around with a vague expression and invite the entire rest of the team to go along to the office canteen.

"Help. Im being micro-aggressed - a guy at work who's been massaging my ego for weeks who I definitely don't want to to date has insinuated I drink alcohol because of my ID badge so I asked him out for a coffee to be nice. Am I being unreasonable or can I have my cake and not eat it?"

So a guy from work asked you out on a date, you don't want to date anyone from work, but told him you'd meet for coffee. Don't lead him on, just be honest and say you don't want to date anyone from work, but you're happy being friends. I don't see the not drinking, Marrakesh bar or ID pic info is irrelevant).

Seems that you’re over complicating this! If you like him agree to a coffee or a drink. If you’re not keen, just tell him politely to fuck off. Simple!

When you say age difference OP, is he a lot older than you?
Honestly I'd try to avoid him in future. The arrogance of him to confront you about your id photo!

And we wonder why guys don't bother asking girls on dates these days... why is everyone so easily offended and looking for ulterior motives in every interaction. If so convinced that all men are egotistical/weirdo creeps why bother at all.

Send him a message that says "Sorry, I think I might have got the wrong end of the stick. Is the coffee just a professional catch up or a social? Just for clarity prefer to keep my social life separate from work"