To think my male colleague shouldn't have asked me this?

[pikky]

Long story short, co-worker has been mildly flirting with me for a few weeks (at work) and eventually asked me to go out for a drink with him because in his words he thinks I'm a nice person. He took me by surprise. I had just got out of the loo and was walking to my office. We coincidentally met in the corridor and it was just the 2 of us. I politely declined and explained that I don't drink but we could go for coffee instead (he proposed this a few days prior to asking to go for drinks).

Anyway, a couple of days later he looked at my ID badge , said the photo is nice and asked if it was taken in a bar. He then looked directly into my eyes and seemed to be eagerly waiting for my response. I said it was indeed taken in a bar in Marrakesh.

Only my face and shoulders are visible on the photo. Background is plain black. I did have a full face of makeup on but the photo could've been taken anywhere really.

Unfortunately not all men are that bright 😂.

Thanks. I will word it exactly like this if asks again.

I have no intention of going out with him. I don't know much about him. I would say we're not even close to share phone numbers, add each other on socials etc. We know very little about one another. So him asking for a date has completely caught me by surprise and I misunderstood the whole thing it seems.

I think he is trying to work out what your deal is. He had been flirting with you and you seemed fine with that. He asked you out and you gave a 50:50 answer suggesting you don't like to drink but weren't averse to going somewhere with him. Then he's wondering what you do like to do, because he is probably hoping to date someone who likes to go out in the evening, and if you like to do that but not drink alcohol he would be fine with that, but if you just don't like to go out out at all it wouldn't work.

Anyway you need to be clearer - if you don't want to date anyone from work, say so now and he will move on. I don't think he's done anything inappropriate so far.

This is such a non issue OP.

I don't even know his relationship status. Our conversations aren't that deep. Rather general and last for 5-10 mins every couple of days. We've to meet very recently too.

I will make sure to be very clear next time. If he asks to go for coffee again, I'll specify "the work cafeteria".

I was worried about him thinking I'm being rude. And if it was just a friendly proposal.

Colleagues chat and have coffee/tea together all the time.

I'm so glad I posted this thread. Things are a lot clearer now.

I will make sure to be very clear next time. If he asks to go for coffee again, I'll specify "the work cafeteria".

Argh, no, this is still not being clear. Colleagues may well go for coffee there all the time, but this isn't a work thing. He's flirted with you, there's no work reason to hang out and you're not interested in more so don't act like you are. He wants a date and you don't so there's no point taking it any further. If he asks to go for coffee again, the clear thing is to say no thanks and if asked why, say something along the lines of you not going out with colleagues.

This

I tend to agree. I easily understood what you were getting at from your first post, OP. It sounds like a bit of a passive aggressive question from him and I wouldn't like it either.

It's not faux confusion.
You e decided you know exactly what this random person you've never met was thinking when he made that comment.

I prefer not to assume I know that at all.

He could have been being a dick for sure. He could also have just been trying to make conversation. Or he could have thought it looked like a nice place that he would like to visit if it was local. He could be someone who asks everyone where their photos were taken. Only he knows what was actually in his head at the time.

I think you might need to be clearer - he asked you out ("do you want to go for a drink with me sometime?" means "would you go on a date with me") and he's probably not clear that the answer was a definite "No."

If you would never date someone from work, I would mention that nice and plainly.

Honestly, don’t worry about it.

Make sure you are clear with him and don’t worry about coming over rude. If he sees you asserting your boundaries as rude then that is his problem. If it continues after that then I would think he is a weirdo and raise it further.

No, it isn't.

We don't have each other on social media. We're not on that level of friendship. Hence I was surprised when he asked to go for a drink. I wouldn't ask unless I knew more about the person in question and we had had long chats and really do get on and feel like there's something there.

Our chats are very short and I don't think we'd have much in common due to the age difference. I thought the coffee thing was him being friendly and welcoming. It's when it turned to do you want to go out with me for a drink that I clicked on.

He compliments me which can be interpreted as flirting. I politely thank him and that's about it.

What age difference?

Yeah, he was trying to catch you out. It was obvious to me, so not sure why PP can't see it. There was literally no other reason for him to ask if it was taken in a bar.

If he's trying to catch you out before even going on the first date, he's unlikely to be a good prospect. Assert your boundaries - you're entitled to do so.

Op people here are not getting this. You got a creepy feeling of him pushing boundaries - that is totally correct - you trust your instinct.

The only indication that I was out was the full face of makeup. There's nothing else to the picture other than my face and shoulders.

Thank you.

This is my thought too. I don't think he'd be a good work friend either.

I get what you’re saying. He’s accused you of lying about not going to bars- maybe? But if you called him out on that you might look a little crazy. Maybe just go for the coffee in your work break, have a friendly chat etc. act oblivious when he talks about bars, going out outside of work time etc Like make him really spell it out if he wants this to be a dating situation x

I bet he’s thinking it’s one of those conversations you really wished you hadn’t started…

OP, respectfully, you sound very easily confused, rather naive and as if you struggle to communicate clearly. You say you don’t want to date a colleague, entirely understandably, but you seem unable to be clear with someone who you say has been flirting with you for weeks and who asked you out. Yet you seem to think that his asking you out was strange because you haven’t had ‘long chats’ and he doesn’t know your relationship status — that’s why he asked you out! So you had the opportunity to say no, you had a boyfriend! Now, you’ve been unclear because of refusing a drink but proposing a coffee!

Be clearer!

She doesn't have to call him out on it though.

She just needs to make a mental note that he's a boundary pusher, and avoid any non-essential contact with him.

This is such a non issue.

Just move on.

I have also just remembered this:

I was chatting to a colleague, when he randomly joined the conversation and said "Laura, do you know that (my name) invited me out for a meal" and started laughing. I absolutely did not ask him. I was quite shocked. I raised my eyebrows and rolled my eyes.

This was before the asking out for a drink incident.