To think my male colleague shouldn't have asked me this?

[pikky]

Long story short, co-worker has been mildly flirting with me for a few weeks (at work) and eventually asked me to go out for a drink with him because in his words he thinks I'm a nice person. He took me by surprise. I had just got out of the loo and was walking to my office. We coincidentally met in the corridor and it was just the 2 of us. I politely declined and explained that I don't drink but we could go for coffee instead (he proposed this a few days prior to asking to go for drinks).

Anyway, a couple of days later he looked at my ID badge , said the photo is nice and asked if it was taken in a bar. He then looked directly into my eyes and seemed to be eagerly waiting for my response. I said it was indeed taken in a bar in Marrakesh.

Only my face and shoulders are visible on the photo. Background is plain black. I did have a full face of makeup on but the photo could've been taken anywhere really.

But the conversation was about going on a date. Context is everything ;)

Prior to asking me to go for a drink. He had asked if we could grab a coffee, I presumed he meant at work so I said yes.

Lol.

Yes, this is totally what he implied, which is a dick move. He doesn't seem to take rejection well. Coffee in the cafeteria as consolation is a bad idea though. I'd take a step back and keep it professional.

I think he was challenging you by implying you’d rejected him by using not drinking as an excuse. He sounds unpleasant if so. I wouldn’t arrange to have coffee or drinks with him, you don’t owe him your time or politeness.

It is common in my workplace. All colleagues sit down, have tea/coffee and chat in the cafeteria.

So be up front and tell.him that yoy don't want to date anyone from work.

This has become far, far more mixed up and confusing than it ever needed to be. Ideally you'd go back in time and when he asks you for a drink you say "thank you, but i don't go out with colleagues". This wording covers all bases as to whether the request was a date or just friendly because it also isn't clear whether you even want to be friends with him. Given the situation though and how confusing it's become I think you need to own up to the mixed signals you've given him, "sorry for being so confusing, i don't actual go out, hang out, with colleagues, i prefer to keep work seperate from non work time, but you're a nice guy and i didn't want to be rude, so I muddled things and got myself into a twist".

I get you OP.
You’ve been friendly at work, so now he has asked you out, you refused but because of the female need to be polite and not hurt poor man’s feelings you softened the blow with offers of a coffee in work time.
He’s all butt hurt and has complained to a fellow coworker and told them of your “excuse” and they’ve responded by informing him that you do drink, even your ID card was taken in a bar!
He’s now taken it upon himself to catch you out in your blatant lie because how dare you say no to him.
Red flag. If you end up dating him long term you’d be walking on egg shells within 12 months.

This is exactly my thought. Thank you.

Because of my wording perhaps, some posters found my question not easy to understand.

You come across a little nutty in your first post. He sounds chatty and you taking it in a funny way.

Having read between the lines it seems the lines are blurred between what you think as coffee with a colleague on a break and what others think of coffee and getting to know one another better. The guy probably feels the same too.

I would suggest that if you have coffee, you make it clear you have no interest in dating any colleagues.

Be clear to him it's just two colleagues chatting at work and not a date. I can see how he would get confused.

I think you have given him false hope by suggesting a coffee, even if it’s at work. Should have just said no, sorry.

He sounds very cocky and one of those men that just refuses to take no for an answer. Next time he asks you need to be firmer with him and completely shut it down.

I think it's pretty clear he was accusing op of lying or fobbing him off. This whole faux confusion by pp's is so dull.

This^
it doesn’t matter should he or shouldn’t have asked you this, you can only change how you answer.

* I* go for coffee at work with lots of people I don't want to date 🙄

Do you suggest it in the same conversation that they have just asked you on a date?

I think you've made the right decision. I've been asked about my profile picture (outside a war memorial where one my ancestors is remembered) but in very different contexts.

Op are you often misunderstood or struggle with expressing yourself,

if a man asks you out, if you don’t want to go, you say no thank you. Not I don’t drink so let’s have coffee instead. Thay is highly misleading and looks like a yes.
your op was also unclear as to which question you felt was inappropriate, as you said yes to him asking you out. You just changed it from drink to coffee.

and the paranoia over the bar question, not drinking surely doesn’t mean to most people you never step foot in a bar. I habe a tee total friend, he goes to bars with his friends regularly.

I'd be weary if you don't want to date him he's asked you on a date and you've said no because you don't drink. Not no because you don't want to. You've then said let's go for coffee in place of the bar. The guy thinks he's got a date, but for coffee instead of a bar.

Thank you. I really should've said this to begin with.

I just feel we hadn't discussed personal stuff. So, I assumed his suggestion to go for coffee was him being friendly and meant for it to take place at work. I don't know much about him i.e. his relationship status and he in turn doesn't know mine. We don't know each other well at all.

No unless you need to talk to him about actual work issues then don’t go for ‘Coffee in the work cafeteria’.

He mentioned the picture because thinks its a bit weird that you turned him down initially because you don't drink. He didn't say shall we go out and get rat arsed so a normal response, if you want to go out with him, would be, yes. Then you just order coke or whatever.

Thank you.

I will be very clear!

I didn't think he was asking for a date because for all he knows, I could be married, engaged, in a relationship. We've not discussed much personal things apart from general chit chat about hobbies, where we live and work related matters and not often too.

Just be clear that you don't want to date work colleagues, saying no to drinks but yes to coffee is sending mixed messages.