To think my male colleague shouldn't have asked me this?

[pikky]

Long story short, co-worker has been mildly flirting with me for a few weeks (at work) and eventually asked me to go out for a drink with him because in his words he thinks I'm a nice person. He took me by surprise. I had just got out of the loo and was walking to my office. We coincidentally met in the corridor and it was just the 2 of us. I politely declined and explained that I don't drink but we could go for coffee instead (he proposed this a few days prior to asking to go for drinks).

Anyway, a couple of days later he looked at my ID badge , said the photo is nice and asked if it was taken in a bar. He then looked directly into my eyes and seemed to be eagerly waiting for my response. I said it was indeed taken in a bar in Marrakesh.

Only my face and shoulders are visible on the photo. Background is plain black. I did have a full face of makeup on but the photo could've been taken anywhere really.

The photo was taken a while ago. I don't really go to bars anymore.

I don't want to go out with him.

I meant we could go for coffee at work.

If you don’t want to date him, don’t go for coffee.

You don’t have to go on a date with anyone.

If you feel like he challenged your boundaries don’t go on a date.

It might be that he wants you drinking for a shag or he might just want to go to a bar.

I meant we could go for coffee at work. I understood his initial proposal to be this too.

I bet the poor guy wishes he’d never bothered! Even after a thread where you explain yourself it’s still not very clear tbh.

To go for a drink in a bar at work?

No. I meant we could grab a coffee in the work cafeteria.

Coffee in the work cafeteria.

You are really coming across as very difficult, talking in riddles.

It seems like you are trying to hint at making a case to HR. If that's the case I think that's utterly ridiculous.

I get it OP. He's blatantly accusing you of lying to him by saying that you do actually go to bars. Based on that interaction I wouldn't bother going for coffee with him either.

Just be clear with him that you do like him but only as a colleague and you aren't looking for anything else, brush it off now. He's obviously trying to ask you out, just say no. Nothing wrong with his attempt just be clear

You said "I understood his initial proposal to be this too" his initial proposal was a drink in a bar. What are you talking about?!

So don’t agree/ offer to go for coffee with him

If someone was flirting with me and asked me to go for a coffee, I would assume it was for a date rather than a work thing. If it was a work thing, I'd expect other people to be invited along too.

If you don't want to date him, you shouldn't have countered his initial invite with a coffee offer. Very mixed signals.

Why would she go for a coffee with him anyway? She doesn't want to date someone from work.

I cannot imagine getting riled over this

There's nothing to take to HR.

Have you name changed?

* I* meant we could go for coffee at work. I understood his initial proposal to be this too.

If someone asks you to go for a drink in a bar and you say that you don't drink and what about a coffee then that's an acceptance of going on a date in my opinion.

I go for coffee at work with lots of people I don't want to date 🙄

Why suggest going for a coffee with someone who has been openly flirting with you? Shut this down right now before it goes any further.

Is that photo available on your social media uncropped?

I don’t think you are coming across as difficult to understand OP.

i understood your first post.

I also understand it’s quite difficult to directly turn down someone you have to work with, and suggesting a work canteen coffee rather than after work drink I think is quite a clear way to signal you are not interested without making things too awkward. It says I like you enough to chat and be social at work but I don’t want anything more.

Do you go for coffee with people who want to date you?