Just heard my neighbours insult my toddler through the wall.....

[Twdfn123]

Hi guys,

Sorry if this seems like a long one but I'm so angry and I just need second opinions as to whether I'm being unreasonable or not.

My neighbours seemed OK when we moved in 5 years ago, but when we did we had other people on the Street saying to be careful as they were bit odd. All was fine until we had our baby boy, now 2.5 years old.

They submitted a noise complaint against us for banging and toilet flushing. We can't do anything about the toilet flushing for a start it's not like we're on it constantly and it's a quiet flush one anyway. The banging from the toddler we can understand, so we've tried our best to limit this as much as we can. Carpeted lounge, no loud toys in the kitchen and no slamming doors. The house complaint was put down to normal household noise and we carried on trying to be careful. I will say my son is at nursery 3 days a week 8-5pm and sleeps solidly from 630 to 630 every night. We try to go out as much as possible as we feel uncomfortable being in the house in case we make too much noise.

Another neighbour has also reported them for aggressive behaviour and threatening to kill her dog. Tonight we've heard them complaining about us through the wall and they've just called our 2.5 hear old little boy an autistic C*NT. We hear them scream at each other every night and use foul language but now its been directed at our boy.

I've just submitted a formal complaint to the lettings agent via email as I can't have that being said about my child. The language we hear on a daily basis is foul and I just don't know what to do anymore. I dont like confontation and I'm scared in my belly but aibu to have put this complaint forward?

I'm 8 months pregnant and I'm so stressed, I just don't know if I've done the right thing. I had to stop my husband going round as he was absolutely fuming.

😭

I wish you were my neighbour, I have a set of utter horrors on one side of me that have reduced me to to tears with the constant yelling and screaming, the back yard full of scrap, the fact that they have got into my yard and taken my bin!. On the other side of me I have a young family and it really does not bother me hearing the baby crying and the toddler running about, those are what I think of as "life noises" and I totally accept that children make a noise. They need to play and express themselves. Your neighbours sound very unpleasant and intolerant, sadly there are people like that around and i guess that even if you lived alone and were virtually silent they would find something to moan about.

Your neighbours lodged a complaint against you first? It sounds like 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. Stop tip toing around your house and live your life, you are letting them get to you. Once you ignore and carry on life as normal they can't have any affect on you.

Isn’t this abuse ie a public order offence, or harassment given it’s continual? If they said the same things to your face it surely would be, why different when you can’t see them?

Longer term sound insulation is the answer - if you can hear what they are saying (as opposed to just general sound) you are very poorly constructed.

We had rowing every night from our neighbours (moved thankfully due to them finally splitting up) but could only hear them if we both had open windows because the walls are insulated for sound (by builders).

The best solution when you have the funds is to strip back to brick, line with sound insulation which comes on a roll, then plasterboard and plaster. Added bonus is it helps with energy efficiency too. Only if you are staying longer term. Alternatively there's adhesive panels you can buy that you can fit yourself to the worst room(s)

Its very easy to feel unreasonable when living with aggressive manupulative people around you.

Can you please explain how you used them? I like them, have neve come across such panels. Did you put them up in your home to reduce noise from neighbours? Or to reduce your noise for neighbours?

if someone used the c word against my 2 year old i'd be vaulting the fence to get to them. sorry but yabu to not face this head on. you can't be timid when it comes to your children. i understand you are pregnant and don't need the stress but why doesn't your partner go and speak to them??

Er, it wasn't done to their face. And there's a very big difference. Where's the proof the neighbour said what they said? OP's word against the neighbour's (and neighbours could easily say it wasn't them, it was a tradesman/someone visiting).

Do you honestly think that the police are going to spend time investigating this? Bit naïve if so.

It’s very pervasive, feeling uncomfortable in your own home because of neighbours like this, but the council or the police will very likely do fuck all, quite frankly. I would look to move because people like your neighbours don’t change their behaviours unless there’s a big incentive to do so, i.e the threat of being evicted, which just won’t happen.

That’s awful advice. Confronting them in that way could make matters much worse.

General toddler noise during the daytime hours is fine, let your child play normally. Ditto crying baby, that is normal household noise, yes annoying but not unreasonable. as already said they will complain regardless, so if I were you I would just enjoy my home normally.

Also as already posted they can say anything they want in their own home regardless if its personal to you and yours. Its the shouting element that’s the issue. Report to letting agent every single time they are unacceptably loud. Consider the soundproofing, it may well be the walls are too thin and need a nit of work. Tell the letting agent if the neighbour complains about children you are happy to split cost with landlord!

The biggest issue in my opinion is the neighbours are wankers and instinctively know you are diffident and avoid confrontation so they are enjoying upsetting you by complaining. You need to try to be more assertive with them (for your kids sake if nothing else).

@LuluBlakey1 well they offered to write to him but when another neighbour complained about him and he received a letter, he was so mad about it that he played really loud music from midnight to 4am every weekend for a while. So if that's the consequence when he gets a letter then I'd rather he didn't get one.

@westisbest1982 make worse how? they are obviously bullies and do it to others too. bullies get off on thinking people are intimidated. They need to be tackled about their behaviour and should understand that they don't intimidate their neighbours.
Landlord and police are not doing anything. i would sort it myself. Not going to be walked over when i've invested in a house and renters next door are making life miserable.

We used them in our alcoves.
I got a joiner to fo it when we revamped our living room.
I got it because our next door neighbour moved out and a new family moved in. I think they took the carpets out as we could never hear the previous neighbours walking about we could hear conversations etc. They also put a tv on the wall.
We,I think are quiet, as there's only two of us. We are carpeted, have curtains. I am by myself most days when wfh and don't have the tv or music on.

It has made a massive difference and I'm glad we've done it.

Anyone claiming they'd run round and confront the neighbours - if you ever try this tactic you better hope you can handle yourself really well.

Someone who is antisocial enough to shout profanities about a kid could well be anti social enough to beat the shit out of you for aggressively harassing them in their own home - because that is definitely how they'd see it.

And no, you weren't talking about going round politely knocking and having a nice chat. Not that it would matter anyway, they would never take it well, they've already proven their character.

I knew a man in Glasgow who had shitty neighbours who were always playing loud music, enough to drive anyone mad. Considered himself a bit hard, went battering on the door, was pulled inside and had seven colours of shit booted out of him. Couldn't charge them, they just denied it, he said they said, no proof, police couldn't do a thing. Ended up moving in with rellos to get away from it as now as well as the noise they were threatening him with violence every other day.

Be very, very careful of getting aggro with people who are already provably anti social. They are quite capable of getting aggro back.

Thanks for the advice. I have confronted a neighbour who was a complete twat. And having his music blaring again til 4am when I had a newborn was the last fuckin straw for me. Needless to say, I'm here to tell the tale. I'm not saying everyone should do this etc , but there's only so much so people can take .

I think this is a very good idea. Then if they are complaining about you, you can prove that you've done something about it. Also they ought to do the same but I wouldn't engage with them.

Thinking about your door that hits the stair gate - a lump of Bubble wrap always worked for us.. Or using that plumbing cover made of dense foam to put on top of door to stop todder slamming them ( and also getting fingers caught).. there are soft closing gadgets you can fit to all the cupboards ( we had very loud boys) Keep the noise making toys in a box that the toddler can only get to under supervision..
They sound very intimidating.
I totally get that this is making you feel very insecure esp with a newborn. I think you might feel better with a ring doorbell thing ( so you don't have to answer if its them) and also a door chain on front and back, so no one can just push the door open. Its just a few tweaks but they made me feel better.
Is your garden exposed to them? or could you put up some trellis or bamboo roll to make it more private.

I've confronted neighbours in the past too, several times in fact. I can't stand noisy neighbours and am grateful I now live in a detached house in a quiet street.

But I made sure I had backup and I am not remotely timid.

People who've never actually been in a physical fight are far too good at making gobby claims in comment sections about how brave they'd be when confronted with anti social neighbours.

If you confront an anti social neighbour you MUST accept that they might physically assault you.

It's a simple fact of life. Anti social people do anti social things. Going round to aggro neighbours can and sometimes does result in a physical altercation.

So long as people accept that reality and are prepared for it, good luck to them.

If you cannot move out due to finance, make sure you keep living your own life, MAKING YOUR OWN NOISE the way you need it. Tough. So be it. Your two kids in due time will be playing and singing and running and so on

Sound advice. You are enduring far worse noise from them than they are from you. Just go about your day as you normally would without giving them any thought. If you do sound proofing it will be for your benefit, not theirs.

You worry about your neighbours and agree they constitute a hostile environment. Yet...you are pregnant and know well the noise situation is only going to increase.
You are being unreasonable.
They can say whatever they want in their house!

This sounds awful.
To be honest its going to get an awful lot worse when you bring a newborn home.
For that reason, I really can't see the point of complaining or 'logging' noise pollution because they will retaliate by complaining tenfold in a couple of month's time. There is no way you will be able to stop a baby crying in the middle of the night and they will record it as proof.

The best thing you can do now is take practical steps to soundproof your house.
Move to your bedroom so it isn't against the adjoining wall to their room.
Make sure windows are closed at night. How this will work as we head into the summer, I simply do not know........

Why on earth shouldn’t OP be pregnant? If the house is over 60 years old, no doubt there have been loads of kids there in that time. It’s the shouty sweary neighbours who are the problem- not people having families.

@Eyeroll2024 yep i'm not in the slightest afraid of confrontation and my husband definitely isn't. he's semi pro mma so whilst i'd hope that it wouldn't become violent he definitely isn't afraid of anyone.

If you aren't prepared to confront things head on and police and landlord won't do anything then the only alternative is to move because am absolutely sure abit of soundproofing isn't going to turn these idiots into lovely neighbours.

There is no way you will be able to stop a baby crying in the middle of the night and they will record it as proof.

I wonder if there is much to record from a crying baby in the next house with windows closed. Babies definitely sound loud to their parents! As I said before, I often heard my previous neighbours rowing , but literally never heard their grandchildren crying as babies when their daughters lived with them. OTOH, this couple’s shouting and bawling could almost certainly be recorded.